he won’t talk to me, won’t realize how much I love him and care, has his head so far up his sperm donor’s ass, my family and ‘friends’ ignore me, even my cries for help. I am surprised they haven’t repo my car yet. so here’s what I got. I’ve done lots of research so it should work. pure caffeine powder, iron pills, Aleve, diphenhydramine, caffeine pills, lamictal… an overdose of just a single one of those could be lethal according to what I have learned, so let’s hope this cocktail works. maybe then people I know will realize that this isn’t the way […]
Tag:
maybe
I’m in that space right now where I can’t tell if I’m depressed because of the meds (Xanax and Prozac) or depressed because of me. I felt so blank on the way home it was hard to keep myself from just driving off the highway. I feel confused, and tired of being confused, and apathetic to the act of breathing. It’s so strange…. Yet again, I’m not sad, I’m not mad, I just feel like I could wink out of existence at any moment. Like, just slip into death. I’m already 27, aren’t I too old for this sort of melodrama?
I love to see beauty, […]
Okay, well where should I begin? First, you should know that I’m not a very open person. At all. Second, I’ve been “depressed” for about a year now. Or maybe longer, I don’t really know. Not many people know about my depression. And yes I’ve self harmed many times.
This is currently my second day of missing school and I’m so far behind already that it’s frightening. I lack the motivation to do anything anymore. I’ve basically ruined every relationship I’ve ever had. And I’m currently destroying all my friendships because I don’t have the energy to keep up with everyone. Have I tried discussing this […]
So I finally did it… I finally somehow gathered the courage after almost 10 yrs of torture to make a dr appointment and attempt to somehow see if I’m “fixable”… I’m so afraid. I’m not sure if I have the courage to keep the appointment. My brain keeps spinning telling me thinks like “you’re not worth the help.” “You’re too far gone for anyone to save you” “you don’t deserve to be fixed” .. Then it’s like “maybe you should just say fuck it and try” so I think well maybe I should.. Then I think well maybe if I just answer their questions to […]
I’m done. Had all I can take. No one understands how mentally destroyed I am..
I haven’t smiled in weeks…. Maybe months
I just can’t take it. It feels like my heart is literally ripping itself apart.
I don’t care if I’ll regret this decision, I JUST WANT OUT..
I’m sorry…
this is my end..
I wish I had the courage to do something like this. Maybe without the costumes. Just open my arms up and see who would take a free hug. What do you guys think about the video. Would you have still hugged him. I would have. Costume or not. This is my wish for all of you tonight. All of you who are hurting, lonely, sad, depressed, feeling suicidal. Hanging on by a very thin thread. Hugs from me to you. I hope and pray you’ll make it through the night. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Good night SP. =)
Hi, I am new to this site. Well, I have never posted and have rarely commented on anything but I have been around reading for several years. I come to this site to read and have always found much comfort in finding people of similar circumstances and issues. I thought that maybe at long last I would share my story and see what happens. Kind of scary to put it out there I guess but I am going to do so anyway. It may be rather long as I am a writer so I do apologize in advance but would be most grateful if someone […]
I’ve always wondered why during my darkest times can I never pick up the phone and call a friend? Is it pride? lack of will? or just plain embarrassment?
I don’t know why the days that I need someone’s help are the days I just wanna lock myself in the room and be alone. It just seems so counterintuitive and yet I do it over and over again.
Why is it that we prefer to suffer alone? Is it just me?
Why is it so scary to admit that you are sad? Sometimes I almost avoid ppl just so they won’t notice how depressed I […]
I can’t pretend that I know what love means, neither how it dies. I lost control, everything around me goes on but doesn’t move. Maybe this was real love, too late we realized about what we had and lost. I’ve wasted so many years my love. I wouldn’t like this to be my conclusion.
I tried to kill myself last month. I had wanted to kill myself for several years now, but it wasn’t until last month that I found the intense suicidal drive to plan an almost certainly lethal attempt. It took around 15 days to go from the decision to getting to a place where I could actually do it. But when I got there, with my handgun and my suicide notes, I just couldn’t do it. I tried so hard to pull the trigger, but I wasn’t psychologically prepared to kill myself. I’d still rather be dead than alive, but I just don’t have the psychological […]
I’m in such a dark place right now. I hope maybe someone will be able to relate, and tell me I’m not alone. I’ve lost a friendship that was very valuable to me. Heartbreak, despair, despondence… this is my world right now.
Background: depression and suicidal thoughts (and attempts) since childhood; lengthy episodes of near-total isolation as an adult. A suicide attempt in my teens earned me a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, and I’ve spent nearly 2 decades complying with treatment – medication, intermittent periods of therapy, consistent check-ups.
A couple decades in, and nothing is working. The isolation, depression, loneliness… they’re getting worse all the […]
hanging is supposed to be a sure fire method, I was putting all the pressure on my carotid and jugular veins, and nothing. sat like that for a half hour and nothing. nobody cares about me in real life. my family only speaks to me if I speak to them first. the one I love, who is truly the only person that’s Ever made me happy, won’t come home and let me help him. I wish I had someone who cared about me half as much as I care about him. but no, he ‘belongs’ in Kentucky, where he ‘doesn’t fit in’ and we both […]
i dont know why im so weak… why cant i just go already???… i hate being here… if i go to a psychiatrist theyd prescribe me medicine… i could die from OD but thats not the way i want to go… i hate living… im done with feeling like this all the time… im sick of just sitting here thinking about suicide… i need to hurry up and do it… maybe then for once in my life i can be truly happy…
Well I’m still around. Just want to post to encourage myself and maybe others to keep trying. Im not sure If Ive gotten any better over the last 8 months. A lot of meds, counselling and quitting addictions and I’m still suicidal.
Saying goodbye is possibly the hardest thing a single human has to do. You take so much things for granted and when you have to let them go, the feeling is indescribable. But I don’t like to say goodbye, I’d rather say Hello, it doesn’t hurt as much. So don’t say good bye and I won’t forget. Because saying good bye means forgetting. I don’t wanna forget though. …Even the porcelain dolls that you have to say goodbye to, it harms everything in my chest when thought’s sink in.
I must go now, so talk soon maybe.
I look through the posts here on sp and i dont see any familiar names: idk whether thats a good thing or bad… I hope everyone that I have talked to that I’ve shared stories with and bad times are doing ok. I’d like to htink they dont come here anymore because their lives got better, they moved on and now are at peace with themselves. I hope thats the case <3. Maybe one day i will reach the point where this sight is a very very distant memory.
Yep. Maybe it’s because I have so many things wrong with me. I’m not hiding behind them, I like to think not, anyway. I’m true to my feelings, and am kind of brutal sometimes. Usually, I say what’s on other people’s minds. I feel bad. I can’t figure myself out. I’m mean to those who intimidate me, and sometimes, I’m just mean for no reason – usually when I’m manic – which is no excuse. I don’t forgive those who have hurt because I’m afraid they’ll only do it again. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I wish I was pre-rape me. I was super […]
I’m not so sure I understand much anymore…. All I know is I feel like it can’t get much colder than this… Can’t sleep, can’t eat, and I’m wondering how I’m even able to breathe… Someone please please tell me how to get out of this hell I’m in… Or maybe just how to stop the flashbacks?….anything…anyone :'(
When do you know when to give up? Because i think its my time. A person can only handle so much. My whole life has been hard. My mom has verbally abused me. Tried to fight me and passed that on to my sister. They think the worst of me. But I’m pretty poplular. Not because im attractive or sluty but because im the person people go to for advice or someone to lean on.
I dont fight or do drugs I respect everyone because I want respect back. On my 17th birthday in june 2014 my mom died. Yes on my birthday. I still smile […]
Most of you don’t know me, because I’ve usually been pretty quiet here. I’ve read a lot of posts over the years here, however. A precious few of them have even made me feel better, for a time. Thanks to this site and those people who have posted here for making me feel better, if only for a little while.
I’m thinking about bringing things to a close this weekend. I don’t want to back myself into a corner by making it a firm decision, but I think it might be time.
I let it slip at work today that I might not be coming into work […]