I’be technically been on this site for 2 or 3 years now just looking around, but this is really the first time I’ve ever made a post. I’ve seen how everyone here connects and empathizes with each other, and I guess now I’ve decided that finally posting and visiting the sight without private browsing on could be the best thing to help for right now. I’m in a bad spot; potentially the worst I’ve ever been in. To be honest I’m pretty sure I won’t be alive for much longer than a year if that, barring a miracle. And if I do die soon I […]
Tag:
maybe
For a long time, I’ve thought to myself, “You’re just being lazy”.
That’s what I thought. Â I’m too tired, too exhausted. I’m just bored with the day. Or maybe I’m sleepy and I am just such a lazy kid that I don’t get things done.
I’ve always known, deep down inside of me, that that’s not the true reason. But I still always doubted that maybe, just maybe, it IS.
But I realize at this moment, and I’m confirming at this moment, that all my beliefs about this being something else was true. And I’m confining that it IS true.
I am not lazy; I am not tired; I […]
I can’t escape these thoughts. Maybe it would be different if they told me from the beginning, “you know, there’s a very good chance that this is something you’re going to have to adapt to, because it might go away but you’re probably going to feel these things at some level until the day you die.” But I feel like I’ve passed the point where I could have adapted or changed my thinking patterns. It’s like an obsession, thinking of suicide.
Everyday, I see the train and watch the light approach the platform. I feel the train push the wind into me before it trembles past, […]
I made a poem? I guess it is… maybe, anyways, I tried using usernames, it sort of makes sense, anyways, here it is.
Don’t call me cordless,
Got a rope around my neck,
Strung up between totrees,
Looking sad like a whiskered-fish,
Rocketman blast off into,
An alternate reality of sorts,
Deadman living in a simulation,
Some kind of mindless gamer,
Seeking a performance death,
GT suicide is bliss.
A mysterious visitor alone,
Like a phantom citizens drowning,
Under hazy day sunflowers
Desperately needing money-
Penny is all I found.
Under the dark willow,
Lonely roses will grow,
They’re all dead inside-
59,
Or 3 of 6
In remembrance […]
My plan is kinda going to shit was meant to get more meds today and they didn’t put what I wanted in the bag maybe it was a mistake or maybe there on to my plan but it has pissed me off tho I feel much better knowing I have a method in place and when iv had enough I could try again but they are fucking with my plan here
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Back to December by Taylor Swift, played on guitar for sportsballs. Wasn’t feeling piano today.. Maybe next time! Leave requests or comments if any 🙂 Ignore the many times i messed up in the video.. and the weird black spot like halfway through.. And the terrible quality.. I’ve had this phone for a while.. Night 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S75URjiTiM&feature=youtu.be
Many old timers here will be more familiar with the back story of Dawg … newer folks, feel free to peruse my past posts that date back to 2011.
The cliff notes:
I suffer from chronic back pain … make life difficult and saps my strength and will … often to the brink. And in years passed I was faced with homelessness through foreclosure … at which point I was confident I could implement my “Exit Strategy” and wash my hands of the whole mess. During this whole time … about the only reason I did not end my pain and cut short the inevitable march […]
someone fight me maybe it’ll fix me
I guess places like this are why people love anonymous Internet posting so much.
If we met in person, I doubt we’d be friends. I doubt I’d get the lovely support I have been the last few days.
I might be one of the people you felt excluded, Â or trodden down by.
My friends are the ones with the bright smiles and pretty hair. My family loves and supports me. I got my chance to get an education, and was successful at it. I was never abused. I’ve never been dragged through the gutter.
People say I’m funny, and sweet, maybe too sarcastic sometimes. They think I’m smart and […]
why can’t life be simple ? why do we have to go though so much pain and suffering ? why must the good die young and the rest get left to rot ? why is the world such a horrible place ? How can we find our purpose in life if we don’t even no were to begin ? Why am I fighting to live if I’m just living to die
Life is hard as it is let alone going though everyday depressed anxious and suicidal how much more suffering can one person go though maybe it’s my destiny to die early
I just broke the heart of the sweetest girl in the world. I tried my best to love her, to give her everything she deserved. I couldn’t do it. Maybe outwardly I did, but inside it just wasn’t there. I loved her, I just wasn’t in love with her. I don’t know why. Smart, beautiful, kind, funny; she has it all.
I didn’t think it would feel so empty after I did something that I wanted. But watching her break in front of me was right up there with the most difficult and painful things I have ever done. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, for […]
I’m so close to the brink- I worry I’m losing my mind. I tell myself to keep trying, one more day… maybe even finish the semester. Then I find myself crying and tapping my foot, looking at one of those options.
I don’t know what to do anymore- I must be crazy. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t my headaches go away? The seizures? The pain? Why can’t I just understand all this BS?
…I think I’m crazy.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I want out.
Much sometimes. I have had such a crazy few weeks. I’ve been sick with a cold/flu/maybe viral pneumonia for two weeks now. All this coughing is a blast, I have had people get on my case about going to the doctor and my reply was, they can’t do anything this is the stuff EVERYONE else has and it’s viral. They can’t do shit to help me. I’m not wasting any money for them to tell me to take it easy and keep up on my fluids. Part of me wants it to kill me. If I don’t get better it’s going to turn into a […]
Had another one of those bizarre dreams; that kind where you imagine someone is laying down right next to you. It was my ex lover, that person I had so much to say to before our relationship crumbled but never did and will never get the chance to do so. Maybe that’s why I dream about her so much, I think we both felt there was something left we could’ve held onto. So now here I am dreaming about the good times we had.. holding her, kissing he passionately, so many memories of our souls connecting as one.. also it’s funny, how much I hate […]
As phantom says we got dealt the shit hand by God where did we go wrong or what did we do to piss God  off ? is it a test of strength ? Test of faith ? I don’t know but it is some bull shit right here
maybe with lived a high life before this life ? Maybe I should start going back to church ? Or maybe we live in hell and we go heaven when we die ? That dose make suicide sound nice if people who commit suicide and go to heaven it’s a sin I think ? But who cares ? […]
Kind of hit me like rock, not sure what I expected. And now the swirling depression just sinks in. I was planning to move out anyway end of the month and when I brought it up to bf he basically told me to get the f* out and that I am supposed to be sleeping on the couch and that we are definitely over. I already paid my half of the rent for the 2bedroom apt we share for the end of the month. It seems a little surreal. I honestly thought I was just going to move out and we would eventually break up since […]
Can’t even describe how I feel right now. It’s so new. Not sad or angry or scared or hopeful. At peace? I don’t know. Maybe it just hasn’t really hit me yet that I’ve decided to do it. The reality of being dead. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or if I should try to reason with it. Feeling detached would definitely make it easier. But is my fear just laying dormant for now?
Hiya guys I’ve just made this account and lately I want to grab a hold of my weight I started gaining weight in like 6th grade and it stopped. Then I lost some because I had struggles with eating and I would go weeks and Months without eating nothing and if I did it was like a bite of something. Well this year I started eating again and adding weight to myself but I was never actually skinny. But now I am un comfortable with my body and my looks. And I pls on starving myself again or only maybe one thing a day idk […]
It was the day when I became fed up of everything. It was my mom who pushed me to it. I’ve been depressed a lot before I did it. I had my suicide note ready and talked to a friend whom I’d be leaving everything to. She was shocked somehow since it was really out of the blue, I didn’t plan on hanging myself that night but I was just tired of everything. Same old routine, same old pain. Let’s face it, whenever we tell people we’re numb by it, we aren’t actually numb. We can still the very same pain we did the first […]