Tag:
Melancholy
I woke up this morning,went to the kitchen and made a coffee.I sat in front of my pc and I started watching videos on youtube,smoking and trying to kill time.Most of the time I wasn’t paying any attention to these videos.I was thinking.Thinking about my life and the world.
I spent most of my life in this empty house (I’ve been living here since I left my parents’ house when I was 20 years old).Alone.I haven’t got any purpose or any goals to reach.I’ve saved some money,so I don’t have to work for now.But I know that I’ll have to find a job.Working is a nightmare.I […]
The ant
(a talentless short story inspired by Franz Kafka’s works)
The whole ant colony was happy. A new ant, a new worker, has risen out of its larva and they’ve given it a name: T.
Ant T was growing up, learning how to search for food, how to carry seeds, how to dig, how to be protected from the rain, how to live like an ant. Everyday it was doing what other ants were doing. All the ants seemed happy, but ant T wasn’t happy at all. It was spending more and more time in its small cavity. It didn’t care at all […]
I liked literature,poetry, and history since I was a little boy.Even though I never went to a college or a university,I continued to read-that kept me going for a long time.I came across Karyotakis’ poetry when I was young-oddly enough,they taught us his poems at school-and I was immediately hooked.Karyotakis is one of the most famous and the most important Greek poets.He wrote about alienation,depression,melancholy,anxiety,pessimism,and death,amongst other things.He committed suicide in 1928.I found on the internet some of his poems translated into English and I would like to post some of them here.If you like poetry,I suggest you should look out for his work,especially if […]
Hello! I’ve decided to use this site to blow off steam, to get some weight off of my chest so to speak. Everything I post I am positive you have heard it all before so feel free to skim over it and move on. I just need somewhere to ***** and moan as the title suggests.
The cancerous bastard that is depression didn’t fully hit me until the day of my 19th birthday (I’m 21 now), though I know that I felt pangs of it before that. You could contribute it to teenage hormones and what not but in High School I was not the happiest […]
The painful reality dooms on me everyday- that this isn’t for me but I don’t feel like I’m giving up anymore, I just feel like I’m giving in to the inevitable.
It is a bitter sweet world, consisting of unfathomable wonder, endless mystery and ceaseless pain but I’ve only been getting a taste of the bitter and the pain. This world breaks my heart, and I’m too sensitive to bear it. All the suffering and anguish, that I cannot do nothing about. It affects me, maybe it shouldn’t, why should I be so concerned about every ones pain? But this is who I am unfortunately.
It’s been a long […]
i am in pretty bad shape too man….i can feel you and see how many you and me there really are, imagine the total grief and helplessness and hopelessness in this world man, it is enough to be a world in itself, maybe that is what hell is. maybe hell is the collective weight of all peoples’ failed aspirations, expectations and dreams, maybe hell is the all weighty almighty DREAM that was never chased. it just lies there, emptying slowly, its mass and thickness invading all that comes in its way, it comes inside you and me thijs, through the nose, close your eyes all […]
I have thought about death for most of my life. I just want to die. My parents never cared about what i wanted. All they cared about was our family’s name or reputation. As a kid i was always in my room studying, doing extra homework, tutoring or going to summer school even though my teachers insisted that i did not need all those because i was doing excellent in the class. My parents were almost never home but when they were they would scream at me or hit me if i didn’t know how to do a problem i never learned. They were never […]
I’ve tried turning my life round, but yet again I’ve failed. I keep trying to better myself but everything ends up being a false dawn of hope or another fuck up to add to the ever extending list. I’ve always been a bit melancholy but I love having a laugh. I want to be in love again but I can’t open up. People say that I sometimes come across as cocky or supremely confident, yet I’m actually shy and unsure of myself. I’m one huge contradiction. I can easily identify with those who say they wear a mask in front of others and hide what […]
It was never about some great tragedy that befell me, making me lose the will to live. Although I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth I have not lived through any great traumas. My mother was diagnosed with depression when I was very young, and although that was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, my parents somehow managed to raise me in a fairly stable home, where I was allowed to express myself and become a somewhat strong individual. In all fairness, the bloodline of my mother does have a history of mental problems, but apart from some underlying […]
So my last post was about my last remaining friends nearly leaving me.
Last week, on Wednesday, I guess they made the decision to abandon me completely.
I was going to go out with a bunch of their friends. It was going to be a very, very good thing for me. My life was finally looking up, and I was actually going to talk to one of them about my suicidal tendencies. I was going to make a conscious effort to try and drag my self out of this hole, and I might have actually managed it given time.
And then I got a text.
“Sorry, they don’t want […]
I’m only 13, but I’m smart enough to see the truth. The world has gone to shit, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
My life has been one big downhill fall. I don’t mean to sound whiney or “emo”, but I can’t help it. I completely seclude myself, so I don’t have to deal with the idiots of the world. Homeschool is stressing me out, but I’m terrified to go to normal school. I pick my nails and skin, and continue because the pain is the only feeling I ever have other than apathy and melancholy. My parents don’t understand, my brother doesn’t […]
God I’m so fucking miserable, so fucking depressed AGAIN. and i’m just sitting here trying to tell myself it’s not ME it’s just in my head. just my messed up brain telling me i’m not okay cuz there’s nothing to be really sad about. unless i think about it. which is easy to do when you’re alone. easy to do when you can never shut your head up.
a couple of nights ago i was just laying in bed waiting for sleep to take me, and instead of thinking about my shitty stupid day i started day dreaming. and in this dream (which part of me […]
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