Im not going, who else are skipping work and college/school because of this tiredness? I dont think I can face people, Im listening to slipknot and wondering about several things, I dont think I can make it, My college doesnt take it seriously everyone skips but they dont have mental illness as the reason, the weather is all suicidal… its dark outside and im in a mood of death
I mean we’ve never really been financially stable it seems with a father who doesn’t seem to give a shit about how he spends his money then again he was raised on a farm so I’m sure its hard for him to adopt to life here but it sure would help if he at least acted to give a fuck about us at all -_-… anyways yes Money always seems to be a problem n My Mom is always stressing about it she works so hard n we still never have enough she has these talks with Me about what I should do with My […]
So I guess I’m wondering if there is any difference in being dead in LA or NY. Not that I’m partial to either, but if I just go ahead and off myself in LA I would save a couple hundred for the plane ticket to New York. I guess I feel more comfortable in nyc, I know the area well and it would be nice to be there, something about the city I guess. It was the first place I really felt free. That would take a little bit more planning and less money to reimburse other people. Either way a hotel is pretty easy […]
I’m a basic white girl who cuts herself. Or rather, I did. Ever since I got put on zoloft in January after my parents found out I sh’d, my life has steadily improved and I have strengthened my relationships with friends and even my family. I no longer wallow in my own sadness or make suicide plans.
I miss it. I miss being depressed so much. I don’t know why; I never got any special attention while I was down in the dumps and I barely had any friends. I consider myself happiest when I’m unhappy. It’s stupid and ridiculous and feels selfish. But I just […]
I want to end this
i want to suicide so bad
but apparently i cant
i just cant
Just because of
Christianity
They say you’ll go to hell
Thats just so stupid
why cant we end our life
its ours
The police puts u into a
mental hospital if they catch u
trying to attempt suicide
well maybe o shouldnt be afraid
this might be the last thing i write
so
im not scared anymore
so bye
Life is tough even on our own but I assure you it is much easier solo. How do you please one that cannot be pleased because they secretly yearn for their ex fiancé and children. I did not take them from you, she did. I am only here as a pathetic replacement, I can understand that. I am very aware I do not and can not provide you with the same stability and domestic service. I am a young woman with bipolar and it is hard enough to take care of myself and my house financially let alone you also. I do not have the […]
People with a psychotic disorder such as bipolar or schizophrenia are 12 times more likely to commit suicide than the general population. Up to half of people with manic depression (hey that’s me yo) attempt suicide at least once in their lives. 10-15% of manic depressives will end up killing themselves. That’s even more than those with schizophrenia (10%).
I have a pretty severe case of bipolar 1. I’ve had more than thirty episodes of psychosis which ended in forced hospitalizations. I have never attempted though. I don’t want to ever attempt (who does?). If I am to go this route |I want to be successful […]
I’m 52, I have severe mental illness, I haven’t worked for my living in twenty years, I have a son that I never see. I live alone and have virtually no friends anymore.
I don’t listen to music, I can barely keep my house clean, I don’t cook anymore, I am on the internet all the time because I’ve really got nothing else.
I have N, I am storing it for future use, I don’t want to upset my mother so I’m trying to hold on until she passes.
Should I not be here? Sorry I am not some guy hanging out with his mates in a virtual […]
I feel like I’m only attractive for mosquitos, right now. I’ve been having a terrible day. But who cares ? Really. Nobody does. When I don’t have any specific drama to tell to people, I have no right to be depressed. I probably invent myself a mental illness just to get attention. Yeah. Why not.
I’m kinda drunk. I know it’s dumb. I don’t even like to drink. It a self-destructive pattern. I wanna be damaged enough so people will say, “right yeah, I understand why you would give up, I would too. “
lol. Like it’s possible. People are all liars and they try to make us […]
I think ive been lost for a while now. I finally realized how sad and miserable my life has been for at least a good 4 years. Ive been aware that im depressed following other illnesses by my doctor diagnosing me with depression and other mental illnesses, but it barely hit me. Hard. I look around and i look at me, at this 14 year old girl who cant find her face nor her soul anywhere. I look in the mirror and i see a girl who looks so lost, so tired. All kids my age, even younger or older seem to have things under […]
When life is tiresome and pointless then death has an almost magical allure, never to wake up again to a life of pain and loneliness, I wish I could have a quick way out but I seem to just keep going and putting up with it. I feel so embarrassed with my problems and it’s only a matter of time before I’ll suffer the humiliation of discovery and the doctors wonder why I suffer paranoia. If I hold on then I can’t guarantee my mental state as it fluctuates but I’m scared of death and I’m scared of living.
Peut etres, le gas Francais, son coeur, il y va me sauver.
Xavier, Anatole, Jeremy, Lore. Life was so fun.
Constance and her castle with an indoor swimming pool and spa.
The party room in the attic. Oh, and Eva. Oh, mondieux.
Then I moved to the State, fourteen years later. Fated, and now.
Seeking to save my life, here, on Suicide Project.
I tried, I attempted, at life. Sucked inside my monster, was only I.
Only I, and still will ever so. Vowed, please, make me strong.
I lost a long time ago. From suffering death, I seek life.
Here on my opposite end […]
All these people seem so happy. And by happy, I mean at least mildly content. I used to enjoy the 4th, as well as many other things. So many people with their significant others. Years have passed since I’ve had one. I don’t blame girls. It’s me. I walk around all day depressed and utterly hopeless. I have no passion for anything anymore. At least I don’t have any kids to screw up. That’s why I used condoms back in the day. One more of me running around??? That would just be cruel. Some might find this upsetting, but I have great respect for those […]
I find some sick satisfaction in judging others. I always compete. I always need to be better than anyone else. I always fail to be. I’m so negative. I loathe myself. My body is so hairy, even as a female, because I have PCOS and Hirsutism. My stomach is HUGE even though I lost 30lbs (I went from 140 to 110 last year but I look 150. I’m 5ft 3). My wardrobe is that of a 5th grader. I can’t afford anything new. I’m always afraid I’m going to be homeless. I have been dating a guy for 7 years who is abusive in all […]
Getting out of bed is the hardest thing to do. It would be so much easier if I just didn’t wake up. I feel extremely alone and nothing anybody says helps. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing and I just stare at the wall and I feel completely numb. I feel like I’m not really here. When I tell people I suffer from depression, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder they just stare at me. Many tell me to simply “get over it”. I can’t explain how mad that makes me. People nowadays are not informed at all and they think that it’s easy to just “get […]
I love it…
I love feeling the sharp pain as the razor slides across my skin and flesh,creating an opening…
I love the euphoric feelings that comes with every new cut…
I love feeling in control of myself…
I love mutilating myself,through cutting or any other way…
Basically,I only live to harm myself.Smoke as much as I can and hope I get lung cancer.Cut as long and deep as I can until I go to the ER to get fixed.Drink as much as I can,until I collapse into an alcoholic blackout and wake up 24 hours later…
I have learned to enjoy physical pain…As I said,it’s the only thing I keep […]
I just wish she could have seen a better side to me.. I wish she could have seen me at my best cuz I don’t think we ever got there. I was always struggling..with money, with addiction, with my own mental confusions.. Always trying to get over some hump that seemed to stem from my troubles. I was always complaining it seemed.. I expected too much. I couldn’t be that cool headed guy I wanted to be.. That she deserved the most.
I just feel like there was something I could have done to keep her around. But I didn’t do it..
The parts of […]
A year ago today I tried an Amitriptyline cocktail. I meant business, i had a few days set aside so nobody would miss or bother me, left extra food for my pets, my notes to everyone, and what to do with all my stuff and things I wanted to donate.
I had all the ingredients and quantities needed because my psychiatrist was treating me like a guinea pig and always sent me home with goodie bags of serious meds to try. I have never been sicker than that time period switching between meds so rapidly I couldn’t function and could barely find my way home at […]
My struggle with depression/anxiety as well as coming from an abusive/chaotic home with a parent who had, at the time, undiagnosed bi-polar have taught me to be strong and rely on myself. It also taught me, after years of therapy and self analysis, that people’s words can’t have power over you unless you allow them to.
I’ve always been very empathetic to others. My parents said as a toddler I would cry if a character got hurt or died in a Disney movie. I used to think this […]