What do you think? If I kill myself, will that action earn me a one-way ticket to hell?
My quality of life is zero. I suffer from both mental and physical pain, and things are getting worse with each passing year 🙁
Thank you for reading and replying to my post. It means a lot.
So this basically what’s been going on in my life for the past 3 years I’m married no kids and I have a husband that does love me.in my culture get married very young I got married at 18 and that involves living with your in until it’s time for you to move out and live on your own.after a year and a half of marriage I was feeling pretty good I wasn’t feeling completely worthless and I haven’t cut in almost a yearPoint.right after 2nd year mark life went to shit .financially I was very unstable which is a very big problem my mother […]
When people are suicidal, their thinking is paralyzed, their options appear spare or nonexistent, their mood is despairing, and hopelessness permeates their entire mental domain. The future cannot be separated from the present, and the present is painful beyond solace. ‘This is my last experiment,’ wrote a young chemist in his suicide note. ‘If there is any eternal torment worse than mine I’ll have to be shown.
They say mental trauma is an invisible wound. I would have to disagree , I can see it in the mirror everyday and I’m sure that those that used to know me before can see
it in my social life.
I don’t know if it’s just me or not. I like the idea of eternal peace and tranquility, or death to simplify things. I think of dying everyday (literally) but the actual process of dying sickens me. To think of my bodily functions shutting down, my thoughts and consciencenous disappearing; the step back into the eternal calm of non-existance. To me the process of shutting down, as I said, sickens me but I also know that it is something that we all must experience eventually (which begs the question of why we are borne only to die but I digress).
I don’t think I’m alone on […]
I’ ve written here once before how I was going to kill myself by train. http://suicideproject.org/2015/12/suicidal-but-not-depressed-2/ Surprise, surprise I survived going in front of the train. Don’t know how it is possible, but here I am. They must build weird trains here.
I first became concsiously aware of myself in the mental hospital and I don’t remember going to suicide nor being in the hospital/half of mental hospital. I had head trauma and broken coral bone and that’s it. I wish I had died and don’t know what to do now.
I still don’t want to live but I am short […]
im a young adult with no future and i have no help support or friends,i tried taking my life last year and i ended up throwing up and choking it was awful and i think i got lucky,i then i tried again and failed,and now i think im honestly going to go even further then i have before,i use several different sites to come on and unload but people either don’t care or they think im a teenager,i know the best people can do is tell me to reach out but they don’t understand that the mental health system has failed me and that i […]
I was first diagnosed with depression over 20 years ago. Life has been up and down since then. I’ve had some fun, but I’ve often felt isolated and alone. I’ve had social anxiety that has made making friends difficult. After college I married the first the first person who showed an interest, which was a bad idea. She turned out to be abusive and had her own mental health issues. Eventually she moved out and we divorced.
After that relationship, I eventually met someone else who is kind, but unable to hold down a job. My life has been going down hill since the relationship began […]
I’ve lived anything but a normal life & I just turned 20. My parents were both abused. My dad was physically beaten by his father. My mother was raped many times during her childhood by her step dad. My parents hooked up (drunk) at a party & 9 months later I was born. I am a bastard. My parents got married when I was 3. My mom was addicted to crack until I was in kindergarten. My dad physically & emotionally abused her until she left him (moved out) when I was in 7th grade. My mom stayed with him that long because she wanted […]
Life was starting to be fine for me after a while. Then I meet you and feel in love. Life was really looking up.
Then we started having problems. Found out you were a paid escort. Slept with thousands of guys. Found out you had been in the mental ward. Had autism along with some other fine side effects such as depression, bi polar and other things.
I tried to work past all of that even knowing you had been married 5 times before. Sorry to say I did not leave and stay gone when I should have.
No I […]
Don’t wanna talk negatively
I feel like I got confirmation today that I just don’t belong. I knew there was something wrong with me. Some hideous abnormality lurking beneath the surface. I wanted to wring the entire world in my hands – twist the planet round and round until all the pain and injustice leaked from it. I wanted to cleanse my soul of the mental torture I had allowed myself to both mete out and endure. I am my own prisoner – a hostage of a world I created to escape the hand I’ve been dealt.
I have grown up watching the world go by – observing others find […]
I am fairly certain about my misery and my mental illness. I know I can’t be cured. Well most of the mental diseases can’t be cured. Even doctor said that it can be manageable. Manageable not cured. Fuck manageable. I am tired of this shit. All the time living in fear that I am gonna collapse now. I am gonna freak out now in public and What to say about the demons. Thankfully they are at rest now. Even without them life is so miserable. I wish them to wake up now. So I can end this pathetic miserable life.
Every fucking day/ at some point/after […]
I know I’ve posted something similar but I am in a mental state of sureality, a feeling of having woke up from having been in a dream. I acknowledge that I grew up in isolation and in a cult-like environment. I know I’ve posted it before that we were cut off from the outside world, alienated from friends, family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), neighbours, and so on. Aunts and uncles, though many of them were just 15 km away, stayed away. Despite this distance we didn’t visit either. I went to school but was excluded. At home I played alone. My father was always […]
I am literally at my wits end. I can’t do it anymore. Why even live if you can’t even live your life? Literally stuck and not having a say. My dad has Alzheimer’s and he has to have care 24/7 and since I just got done with my classes and moved home (until I do my internship) I have to stay with him while my mom goes to work. She’s always like well you can watch him until I come home and then you can go to work. I would be fine with that but since I have been watching him for the past 4 […]
Depression isn’t a mental illness many people understand, this is the problem with society because depression is just a big joke to some. The mental pain of knowing your unloved and that your not beautiful, you could go a whole day with getting told your beautiful but when it comes to the night and your all alone sitting down in bed all you can think of is the hurt and the abuse you get within your head, the voices telling you what they want you to hear. No one should feel this way, it’s horrible being in thus bug black hole with no ending or […]
Please don’t think of yourself like someone who’s in a worse mental state than everyone else. Don’t just say you don’t understand what i’m going through. We are all the same, we are all on a endless sinking ship called life. And for the ones who really don’t know what your going thro but say so, just appreciate that their trying to understand you. I might leave the ship tonight, so i just want to leave something that might help the others who are still on it. Just a small tip, that might help someone to get to the shore and survive it all. And […]
Hi all,
So i am writing this post, lying on the bed, completely scared about my physical/mental state. My anxiety has taken a new, aggressive form and my physical condition is getting worse day by day.
I have been learning a lot about how to cope with all disorders i have. I have learnt not to give up. But day by day this monster of anxiety has been becoming more powerful.
Sometimes i seriously think i will have a heart attack/stroke because of the way anxiety has affected my body. I am again on the verge of giving up. I know i won’t give up easily; but now […]
so, i’m new here. (duh) i have had mental health issues since as far back as i can remember. (i am 30 years old) i never recieved any treatment for any of it until i was 16. between 16 and 18 i was in and out of the adolescent psych ward. as an adult i’ve been able to talk myself out of being placed inpatient all except for once. i’ve been in multiple programs (partial hospitalization programs, intensive outpatient programs, outpatient groups, –for an eating disorder and others for depression\anxiety– and of course individual therapy) and the groups helped…as long as i was in them. […]
I don’t think I’ve felt complete in years. All there. Like something gnawing at my brain — chewing on it. A hamster or a rat just munching away bit by torturous bit. Like watching a horror movie where everyone dies at the end — you know — but you have to watch them die one by one. Or that moment on a beach when you see the water pull out for a couple kilometers out and it dawns on you — you’re impending doom has […]
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