I hate having a scientific mind, it’s like I can’t have a normal life because I’m thinking of things along the lines of “I feel like we are made of nothing, the whole concept of how we live life and how we sleep is unexplainably weird. We have eyes, mouths and ears.. We are walking limps.” It all sounds funny but it gives me this really nasty hopeless feeling. Trapped in my mind kinda thing. I wish I could think what normal people think but I’ve bypassed that mentality long ago. I’m living for my family and boyfriend in whom I love dearly. […]
So here is my story..
i am a 22 year old female and I’ve never been more lost in my life. I really don’t know why..i have a great family, friends, job etc…but i feel empty, i cant control the way i act, think, or feel. its like someone else takes over and i cant even find myself.  What i find most difficult is to explain how i feel. No words can really express it. I’m usually just all over the place. Say one thing, do another. I’m not exactly sure what i want and I’m very indecisive. i worry about absolutely everything and when i even try to […]
Walking through the halls
Glancing only at profiles
Never look em in the eyes
So why do I even own a mobile?
If anyone ever got to know me
They’d know im not such a bad guy
Im just like everyone else homie
Except, oh yeah, I wanna die
Is that was this is all about?
You people feeling weird?
You getting a tingling in your tummy
And an ichin in your beard?
Well don’t worry that’s normal.
Just not for someone who was built.
Like you.
My friend, that not-so-friendly feeling is guilt.
It’s true.
Now I can name names
And I can point fingers all day
But that […]
I have been suicidal for probably the better part of 5 years and looking back at my life and where I am now I always ask myself “why didn’t I just do it then?” Nothing ever improves, I’m too much of a pathetic, fuck up to ever improve it. I realize a few people here will still say I have hope, but realistically take a look at my current life and take your mindset off of a suicide relief/help site mentality for a second. If any person in real life read what I am about to describe below they would most likely agree that there […]
Hi. I’m a 19-year-old female college student. I’ve never posted on this site before, but it keeps coming up when I do suicide method research. My desire to kill myself has gotten much worse, very quickly. I don’t know what to do. Please keep reading, if you have time. I need someone, anyone. Help?
I’ve been depressed since I was 13. I grew up with a perpetually angry and violently abusive mother and a cold, neglectful father. They made me believe that I wasn’t good enough to be liked, and that I would never be unless I was perfect. I still can’t shake it- I know […]
I am over 50 years old. I’ve thought about suicide since I was 13. I have made attempts to end my life more than a couple times. The thoughts, planning, and so on have been so much a part of my mentality, I believe it has become a bad habit, habitual though process. The last stint of actively engaging in therapy my goal was to get new thoughts. I’ve tried. Truly I have tried to get along in the land of the living. When I make an attempt to interact / communicate with my loved ones, I continue to fall short – and immediately go […]
Today I burried love. I dont think the statment needs an explaination, anyone who has truely loved and lost must know how It feels. For those who don’t imagine choking and trying to breathe yet your unable to, one must not confuse it with physical pain but the emotional pain which one is unable to overcome. But the post today isn’t really about explainations, this time i dont need them… burrying love doesnt have a justification, or an explaination.
This post is about questioning how must one go on, I mean what do i do now that the future seems to be becoming my past, tomorrow it will […]
I have the mentality of a six year old little girl.
The constant need to be reaffirmed, to be told that I matter, and the need to be validated and shown love and compassion overwhelms what little control I have of the way I act around those closest to me.
Is it wrong to crave affection, when you’ve been deprived of it for so long? Is it wrong to want to be wanted, when no one’s wanted you or anything to do with you for years? Is it wrong to love, be made to expect love in return, yet greeted only with remarks oozing of […]
This is a picture of me in the summer of 2010, on my 18th birthday. Â I’m the guy in the middle, the two next to me are my younger brothers. Â I picked this picture, because it was pretty much in the middle/peak of the best time period in my life.
Me and jackie became what I would call close friends in early 2009, like around march. Â We had met october of 2008, online. Â She was 13 at the time, and i was 16. Â She lived in […]
This is a first. I’m sitting in the dark, if it weren’t for the glow of my phone’s screen. Pathetic, is it not? The age we live in. Specifically 4:46am in the wilderness that is upstate New York. This place is devoid of all things meant to nourish – as a life long denizen it’s cruel atmosphere is taking it’s harsh toll on me. Too many thoughts, too many restless nights….the cold air has entered my mentality and is stifling all that may prosper. I lay here contemplating attempt #3. I have given up yet again. It’s been 6 years since […]