So today I’m suppose to go on a date with this guy I think I like. But I’m freaking out. I’m terrified that he’ll turn out like my exes and try pressuring me into doing things or try to take advantage of me. There’s also the fact of what if I don’t like him as much as I think I do. And what if I screw this up. Like whenever I have a a good thing going I do something to mess it up. I’m so scared for today. It’s also my first date ever.
Tag:
mess
Here is my life story. My mother left me by 2 years old I don’t know why I always assumed its because she never wanted me. All my other siblings live with her in Arizona. I grew up with my father. He was abusive of course but that’s what how I know people care about me when I can do things for them or they hit me. My dad died of cancer when I was 16 a sophomore in high school I didn’t have many friends and the ones I did have were never nice to me but I hung out with them anyways. When […]
If your battling depression and issues in your life right now. The crazy stuff going on in the world doesnt help much.
We have plagues like Ebola and the Black Plague popping up and killing lot of people. Other mysterious illnesses are
popping up and injuring people and doctors don’t even know what some of the Illnesses are. e have wars in the middle east
we have countries beefing up their arsenal of nuclear weapons and making threats towards other nations.
We have governments taking away peoples rights and people that have been sworn to protect us making declensions
that make things worse for us…. and some of those elected […]
I’m turning 26 next Friday. My life is an absolute mess, I dont even know where to start. I’ve had thoughts about suicide for about 10 years now.
I’m overweight (240lbs/5’10”), not handsome at all, never had a girlfriend. My friends keep on telling me that I’m such a nice guy, but what does that help with anything. I also have social anxiety disorder, which I try to ignore most of the time.
I tried to turn my life around once when I was 16, just thinking that I might find some kind of goal. I went from 255 lbs to 199 lbs in the span of a year, […]
today my mum and dad sat me down, and asked what was going on. they said ive been ‘acting odd’. i tend to shut myself out from the world. spending most of my time going on walks with music blasting in my ears, or just simply staying in my room, door locked, music blasting, and staying in bed all day. they don’t understand. its a big world out their. my anexity is climbing the walls. im just a mess.
Someone kill me please. I want to die. Who would care and know? Oh yes, the people that get things from me, want things from me. Those are the only people who care. The rest don’t give a damn. Why am I here? Struggling and straining to be normal. Fighting to keep my moods up or level? What’s the damn point? Who do I help by existing? No one. Only those who would bleed me out to use me and abuse me. Those are the only souls that surround me. The ones that bound me.
The rest are pretenders. Offenders. Holier than thou. I’m better than […]
it seems far away but close by. while my meds are helping me think of it less day by day the universe resists. A friend from college committed suicide last week. It’s taking some time to hit me and i still don’t know if I have it for real. I lit some candles. went to the wake, saw the body. But I still can’t. I can’t describe how i feel or what I’m thinking. I know that before in my head I would laugh when i thought about killing myself. I don’t laugh anymore. It’s not that it feels more real or less real but […]
Here I am, sitting here in my dorm with the light out. The sun is going down, soon there will only be darkness in my room. There is a concert going on and if I go, I will have a panic attack.
I don’t have a roommate because we didn’t get along. Who am I able to get along with? I really want to know. Every social situation has my stomach in knots. My palms saturated in sweat. My stomach a mess.
I have never felt truly suicidal until I came to college. I’ve dealt with depression since I was about 12 or 13, but turning 18 […]
I posted yesterday.
This morning I woke up and thought “If I’m going to kill myself, today is the day.” And I’m too cowardly to go through with it. I’m giving myself just a few more days to pull out of this mess. I want kids, I want to get married and I want to graduate college. I’m a freshman this year. I have plans and ambitions. But I don’t want to live with this pain. Taking 3 pills for my depression is what I was told to do, and with that, I sleep through my classes.
If I take only 2? I want to die
Someone tell […]
those of you who know the character in the play hamlet know what happens to her. it sort of sums up what is going on in my mind. as in i feel like i am losing it. the swing of emotions i am experiencing is exhausting. anger, deep sadness, tears that come from nowhere, and an urge to kill myself. while i am supposedly making progress by letting myself express these emotions, it is the unpredictability of the whole mess that is getting me. i have been suicidal since i was a child so of course that will emerge from the pit as well. i […]
I’ve always been aware of the things around me but yet i’m so scaredof everything. i’m a senior and i’ve been depressed for a long time now. Everyone i had turned their back on me because they didn’t like who i was. worse,when it ever came to confrontations iwas and still afraid of standing up for myself and i hate the fact that i’m weak and worthless. I often hide how i feel and disguise it, noone cares about me. Last year i tried comitting suicide a couple of times but failed because i don’t want to die without atleast trying to be happy. i […]
– is being powerless. We know that nothing will ever change for some of us. We know the pain, whether physical, emotional or spiritual will become worse if nothing else. And here we are without the courage or the means to end what amounts to (at least for me) a useless existence.
Sure, a sea slug has some purpose but it lives without feeling or much thought. It sucks in the tiny organisms that sustain it until it can reproduce and eventually be consumed by something else. But isn’t it content in its purpose? Does it cry itself to sleep knowing the ultimate pain it will […]
Yeah..it’s hard..
Physically I’m not doing well at all, even though I’m trying my best. I don’t know if I’ve ever had to try this hard before.
I’m grabbing the box of tissues for this one.
In the days since my wife left me, I’ve been on a steady decline with my weight and dehydration and seriously, I’m trying my hardest to keep it up. I’m a total mess so I can’t cook or clean for myself right now, but I need to eat. So I have to go out…
I went to breakfast this morning, by myself. Going with anyone right now is completely […]
I stand looking at myself in the mirror and what do I see….?
One bloody mess.
I hate everything I see….
I seem…. so unreal to me
….I’m in utterly disbelief….
Hands bloody…arms bloody… face bloody….
the blade is my best friend and my lover.
We go together like ice and vodka..
I feel I’m in hell… I’m tormented in this shell..
I slice open, watching my flesh strip away…
While my mind goes into a relaxing place….. I feel good now… well almost… let me go a little deeper… almost there!…just a little deeper…now I’ve climax into one unemotional mess… now I hate myself…For […]
I’m scared of being myself. Sometimes i have really bad days, & other times I’m extremely sad. My heart is broken, and I’m a huge mess. I’m scared that I will be alone forever.
There is this guy.. We’ve been seeing eachother for a month or two now. Initially we agreed to just be fuck buddies, but feelings got in the way and it’s all a mess now. He’s 24 and i’m 17.. We spend all the time we can together.. We kiss, cuddle, text the whole time and basically act like we’re going out.. We stopped sleeping with other people bexauze we really like eachother.. He’s amazing and perfect in every single way!! But he told me that he doesn’t want a relationship because of the age difference which breaks my heart, but I understand where he is […]
Does anyone happen to know of a forum or chat site where we can discuss methods openly? I’m trying to figure out a way that’ll be relatively painless and not cause much of a mess. I’d like very much to go out in the comfort of my own home but without ruining the upholstery, and if it looks accidental then so much the better 🙂
I hate my arms. I’m covered in scars. I smile and pretend I’m totally fine, I laugh and I joke. Among my friends I’m the one who cheers them up, gives the best advice, makes them laugh. Do they genuinely feel close to me? I don’t feel close to them. I don’t really feel close to anyone. I can’t let people in.
I was doing a good job of it recently, I was opening up. Light was shining a little in my life. Just a teeny bit. I pined for years. I pined and I pined and I pined. Finally last year I realized my pining […]
My daughter’s last day of camp is August 10. If I leave August 8 and send a delayed e-mail to her father, that gives him a day to clean up the mess (and hopefully feed the cats). He’ll have to pick her up, obviously.
I have had enough. I am sick of picking up the mess of my son – time after time after time.. getting him out of debt, saving him and he is 26. I have just picked him up out of a drug induced psychotic episode and now he is throwing tantrums about not being allowed to smoke weed…… I have had enough. I want to live my life quietly and all the time he continues to snipe…….. tomorrow i will buy the razor.. I never thought I would but he has destroyed any hope of a life for me. I have none………….. and I actually do […]