I failed, I had one job to houner my parents.
I was harassed and molested growing up, Its a good thing Im bi so the scar isn’t as bad as it could be.
Mental health buracacy and CPS left me for dead, I think it was because of my family’s income bracket and long military background.
I could use a hug.
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe so that I can just get it out of my system now and have something for other people to read after I’m dead. Maybe for some other reason. I don’t know.
My history with suicide is filled with twists and turns. Ever since I was ten years old, I could tell that I wasn’t normal and that no matter what I tried, I would never be able to fit in with other people due to my inconsistent and abnormal disposition. This idea stemmed from the fact that throughout my life as a child, I never really had any friends. There […]
I usually don’t post twice a week. But I have no one else to vent to and I’m just on the edge. I have nothing going for my life. As said before, I’m getting kicked out of school and this is my last semester but my parents don’t know. If they find out, I’m not sure what would happen, but I still decided not tell them. I figured since I’m supposed to go back to school January 20th after the break, and I’ve already picked out my date on Jan. 9th (my birthday) so I guess I won’t have to worry about school anymore. Or […]
I took a nap and had a scary dream. I was in New York City and it was 9/11 , 2001 and I was standing at the bottom and just started running away because I saw the trade center start to come down and I just saw everyone scream and running with me and sirens every where .Holy shit it was so scary. I’m feeling wierd right now because it really makes me angry that like thousands of people died . All these terrorist attacks even today are like out of control. Isis in Paris … Apparently they are in my state Virginia targeting at […]
This will be a long one seeing how this is the first time (and hopefully last) that I have done something like this. I suppose I shall start at the beginning, I have always been a loner even from birth it would seem, my mother used to tell me that even at a young age I would hardly play with my peers. Even into my adult years to this day I prefer to be alone, only getting enough human interaction to keep me sane. My father went into the military around the time that I was five and with being in the military comes the […]
Porn and Gay Marriage will be legalized in Saudi Arabia
North Korea will become our 51st state…willingly
The English will wear kilts and do away with the monarchy
Russia will join the European Union
The Swiss will ban all firearms and do away with there military
Tibet will take over China (FREE CHINA)
India’s national dish will be hamburgers
and Africa will be sending aid to us
http://youtu.be/0oCtKKNFYnI
Been driving few hours. Fell asleep at the whee few times. Catching up on sleep while I drive. Pretty great. Who says men cant multitask eh? Slumber would be nice at one point though. I might do that. I’m in Kingston. A town few hours west of our nation’s capital. Cool little place. RMC is located here. Our military university for officers to be. An army base is located here obviously and lots of heritage like Old Fort Henry. A fort we defended back in the colonial days. Pretty cool. Been there a few times. Defended it. In my mind from the countless denizens […]
first off, let me start off by saying my poems are eccentric, absurdist and surrealist. Sort of if Salvidor Dali, my favorite artist, was a poet. But i poems also point out social issues and truths that adds crypto-humor to them. This one is suspose to be read like a military drill.
“Plight of the Native Americans”
PUT THEM ALL IN COWBOY HATS AND TEACH EM ABOUT JEBUS
TAKE THERE LAND FOR YOUR OWN GAIN, SPREAD IT WITH DISEASES
MAKE THEM LICK THE TRAIL OF TEARS AND DESCRIBE THE TASTE IN ENGLISH
NAME ALL OF YOUR STATES AFTER THEM, ONCE THERE TRIBES ARE FINISHED
SMALLPOX, SMALLPOX
JESUS, JESUS,
SMALLPOX JESUS
The meaning behind this […]
Lyrics:
Gathered like sheep
Mindless like these walls
You’re expected to fit the mold
and kill with a blindfold
Devastated cultures
Justified by “protection”
This is how you win your elections
By occupying
These damaged homes
Generalized
To be a threat
To our privileged lives
Explain to me
The meaning of genocide
Cause in my eyes
That’s what I’m seeing
“So line em up
One by one
And some have fun
Killing everyone”
Who elected these right wing nuts?
With a bloodlust for every country that’s not like us.
(I tried hard to be proud of my service, but all I could feel was shame.
Racism could […]
I may not have had the greatest upbringing being from an undesirable neighborhood of NYC. But despite all the bad things I saw and experienced as a child, I was just so happy. The trick was, it can always be worse. No matter how bad things got, all I had to think was ‘it can always be worse’ and bam I’d feel better. No matter how terrible I think my life was, there’s always someone out there going thru much much worse. And this simple way of thinking has gotten me thru my entire life.
Now things have changed. I just turned 20 years old and […]
Bullshit nonimportant post
It’s time.
I’ve spun around in circles, I’ve tried every known cantrip and trick known to man. I’ve talked with specialists and munched on pills for the better part of a year. The result? A big fat naught.
Nearly twenty years ago a snotty kid at the kindergarden screamed that he’d kill himself, when he got angry. He didn’t not at that time no. Years rolled the kid grew and experienced what can only be described as crippling fear all the way to his teenage years. By then everything had been molten into one gray sheet pulled over the window of life. Suicidal thoughts hung heavy in […]
I believe I have served my purpose. Natural death is just that, natural. It would be romantic if we died after having served our purpose so we could go peacefully knowing the suffering will end. However, because death can happen at anytime we could serve our purpose and suffer worthlessly for years only to die unhappy and confused. Some people are destined to be great and lead wonderful successful lives, not all of us are that privileged.
After having been medically discharged from the military just short of completing basic training due to an eye disease I cant control I no longer have anything to push […]
I used to come on to this site kind of frequently a while ago, but I’ve spent the last couple of years without internet and kind of homeless for a large part of it, so I haven’t gotten a good rant out in a long time. There’s your warning to skip, ’cause here it goes.
I was born premature from a very stressful pregnancy, my mom actually went into labor upon finding out my dad was cheating. My earliest memories are of my dad getting me drunk as a fucking kid and kicking the shit out of me. Even worse than him doing it was when […]
When I was younger all I wanted to do was be an amazing person…
I wanted to be in the military, or become a lawyer,or an Olympic swimmer. As I got older something inside of me changed, I started losing myself. I lost people I loved and cared about. I was hurt by the mean kids in school. I was hurt by the people I wanted to love me that I loved so much, by the people that I wanted to make proud but no matter what I did I was just never good enough for. I realized that even if I […]
I’m so tired of everyone. All the obligations and responsibilities I inevitably have being the oldest child. Though I don’t think I am a child anymore. I have so many expectations to constantly live up to, and when I don’t, I become a failure in my familys eyes. I have a habit of not finishing what I start. School, by some miracle I graduated, though I wasn’t allowed to attend graduation or promotional because instead of expelling me, they just told me to not come back the last month of school in order to get my diploma. I went to the military after that. I […]
I have been suicidal for over 8 years now. At times it gets better but recently it’s been getting worse. I think about it a lot. The only thing that prevents me from doing it is my son. I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep going for him.
Back story:
I was in the military for almost 10 years when I got divorced. At first it was fun then I started to get lonely, I tried to get my ex wife back but she wanted nothing to do with me unless it dealt with […]
I’ve found self-confidence through the military, but the depression is getting to me. I need to get out of the army, last 3 more weeks, but I keep making mistakes. I keep falling down. I need to go home, the sergeant hates me now. He thinks I’m an idiot and I’m messing up because I can’t handle the stress. I don’t want to tell him because I’ll be stuck here longer. I just need to wait it out and get home safely.
Why is it that when a woman cries for help, she is immediately assisted, but should a male seek a shoulder to lean on he is weak? We are just a frail as are feminine counterparts, the only difference is it is socially unacceptable to be weak and frail, as a result, we hide our pain to avoid further ridicule.
I’ve failed time and time again.
The woman that I love with all of my heart is married, and lives in another state. I’m the other man, and even as such, i’m unsure of my importance to her. Be it because of self-esteem, or because of previous relationships […]
The hardest thing is being so tired all the time. They all say to get outside, that experiences are the rungs with which to climb out of these dark times. My armor is too heavy to lift, the joints too rusted to bend, it splinters off, catching under the fingernails of the people around me- invisible and uncomfortable. When I was 9 my father died. When I was 11 my mother’s boyfriend was verbally and physically abusive. When I was 17, the “good man” my mother left the abusive one for cheated and divorced her. By 20 I was the subject of abuse in the […]
Please log in to report posts