I am someone who has gotten help for my depression before. I went to a treatment center and it helped considerably. But…I still feel like something is…missing. I still feel pain for no reason, want to cry when there’s nothing to cry about, and just feel, well, lousy when left by myself with nothing but my thoughts. If someone said, ‘Here, I have a painless way to die. You’re gone instantly.’ then I would probably take it. Life…doesn’t have much meaning for me. It’s like, ‘okay, I exist’ but nothing more. I’d be content to just stay in my house all my life. I don’t […]
I got to me great aunt’s house yesterday, the same time that a guy who looked like he was in college was there. Apparently, he was Katelynn’s boss and best friend. He was giving Katelynn’s violin to my aunt, obviously, I was confused since Katelynn didn’t play violin. At least I didn’t think she did. She played violin. She was in 4 recitals. She had a job. And I never had any idea. I didn’t know that every time she came home late was because she’d been working part-time to buy a violin. I didn’t know she was actually a junk artist, and I don’t […]
A soft thud at the edge of life
The message of despair
Strangled lines of truth
Choked-out final words
Falling asleep in the sky
Stripes of misery
Sinking below the depths
Being cut away from a whole
Preparing to abandon all hope
Receiving your last present
Leaving the ones you love
I’m bored with everything. I’ve snowboarded from helicopters, climbed many mountains, traveled and been to many places, and work as a molecular biologist. I should not feel the way I do. This should make me a fun and loving person, but instead I always feel empty and alone. I get a lot of attention from women, but nothing ever comes from it because I hate myself and the sadness pours from me. I can’t live like this. Happiness teases me and runs away. Nobody, not even joy wants to have anything to do with me.
I started taking drugs again to spice things up. 30 hits […]
I’m nearing my end and I have so few words to say. After all these years of dealing with PTSD from my first suicide attempt,borderline personality disorder and various other illnesses that have earned me the humiliating title of “insane”. After years of humiliation and abuse for being the gay goth chick, being turned down for every job, and being shat upon at every turn. After relapsing over and over again and after losing most of the quality of my life, I’ve decided to take my own life and put an end to the misery that probably won’t get better. It’s taken a lot of […]
My life…..its miserable…why…..because I am alone…I used to have a loving mother and dad…..three brothers and a sister…I used to be happy….
Now…..
I am sad…..all the time, and the worst part….whoever does truly see my torn heart….usually never talk to me again…”Your too depressing” or “I’m sorry but I want to have a Happy friend”…..no one takes my hand…I ask for help..i plead…with my eyes….I’m dying inside….I try to scream ” Help me…I can’t take this no more….”
I hate my appearance the most…..doesn’t everyone like me hate the same thing…. I hate people…they stab you in the back…it […]
I wish I never came into existence. Â Now I have to do the dirty job of killing myself to end this misery.
i feel the safe and warmth of my bed
the demons still hover over my head
i can never get away
its not safe in my safe place
i feel the comfort of the thinning sheets
its the finest place i have to bleed
these four walls are faded and falling in
this is the place where i hang my head
i have nothing to show for over the years
the accomplishments to face my fears
i have nothing to call my own
this is a hallowed place i call my home
i have no one left i can meet
loneliness i cannot beat
the sucking void is plugging up
its taking me, im afraid im stuck
its never very satisfied
i […]
“Ooooh…”
So i was sitting outside a while ago, enjoying a smoke at dawn, during a rather precipitous rain storm…
A faded flash behind the veil, an echoed crack of thunder in the distance…
Crossed paths with some memories, thought about where i’d left some things…
There’s a certain person who is always close inside, no matter how far removed from my physical life, who i just can’t help but think of, when it rains.
Or when it’s just cloudy.
Or when it’s sunny.
Or when it’s just a normal windy day.
I recalled a recurring theme i used to employ, as part of my previously favorable attitude and outlook that this person […]
I’m not sure which is worse…
The agonizing requirements of interacting with those who don’t understand…
Or the “dead spots” when there is no one available, with whom to interact.
I honestly believe that if i could just make enough money…
If i could establish some sort of reliable method of generating income…
If i could “fix” just enough of my problems that i could have my own sustainable existence…
Maybe then i’d be content to tolerate the rest of the misery, and able to focus on sharing complex ideas in ways that those who could find them useful, would be able to understand.
And so i frame my problem thusly, and […]
Hi friends.
Many of us on here have experienced a tremendous amount of tragedy and loss in our lives unfortunately. I wanted to share with you what I went through, and how it changed my life.
It all started on January 15, 2011. That morning, my parents had taken my 9-year-old cat Tiger to the vet. During the past few days, we noticed that he had become more distant from us, and began to suffer weight loss and smell odd. He also was found in places we normally didn’t find him, mainly my parents’ bathroom. However, being the foolish optimist that I was at the time, I […]
One score years ago a baby was born. 20 years later he lives in misery. 20 years later his life is hopeless. I have come to the end. I have a plan. I will drive down to see her this summer one last time. If things do not work out, I will end it, gun to the head. I’m not afraid now. I’ll be free at last.
I’m pretty sure I am mentally ill. I can’t explain exactly how I feel other than it hurts all the time. I’m just losing my mind. My wife of 11 years left me and I don’t know how to keep going. I know that I’m supposed to want to live for my kids but I can’t help feeling that they would be better off without me. Â I have been made out to be a horrible person, and maybe I am. Â I don’t know how to deal with how I feel and she didn’t either which is why we are apart. Â I just don’t see the […]
I have a lot of admiration for many of you who can actually go through the act of attempting suicide. I have wanted to since I was 7 years old and have not had the courage. I am now 53 and still a woos. I suppose what it boils down to is that I really don’t want to kill myself but to be put out of my misery. Don’t get me wrong. I have come very close a time or two and someday I may just get that courage to succeed. I have lived with myself for many years and all I know is that […]
The worst fear to have is a fear of ones self, you can’t run or hide from yourself, when scared you cannot stop yourself. I am terrified of myself everyday..i can hurt me more then anyone else. I have lived with this fear for a long time, but yet again the fear has grown. The fear grows when my emotions get stronger and sadder, when i feel empty and comatose’d. I cannot run or hide or stop myself anymore. I have no one or nothing to hold back the frightful me from hurting the scared me. I am a monster….just not of my own making.. […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFjKJc-Sn-w
Beautiful and vibrant as can be,
That’s how they remember me,
So far from what I used to be,
I hid from the world; you see,
Skin so smooth and fair,
Now scarred and dry,
I still have my beautiful hair,
But I changed so much it makes me cry.
I cry myself to sleep when no one’s there,
Trying to accept the damaged look,
So much lost; I can’t even start where,
Dusty covers, lost pages, judge the book!
Of all clichés this one I will never forget,
Passing through life betwixt and between,
In the end all you’re left with is regret,
Was I made […]
For the past few days I thought my life was going to get better. All these wonderful things people tell me here are kind of smothered by the fact my home life has only gotten worse.
My family found these posts and are going to be sending me to a mental facility that is known for its patient abuse and I have no say -as I’ve been deemed unfit to live alone or make my own life choices thanks to my father. It’s all spiraling out of control and there’s no way to save myself. It’s all over and I’m too tired and beaten up to […]
Starting to care less about what p eople think of me. I don’t know what to write my thoughts are so jumbled I want to write though. I need to get my thoughts out. so basically I am wasting my life I am too Pathetic to push myself, I have no current interest in looking for a new job, there’s no way I’m going to be able to go back to school in the fall, I don’t like the idea of being the oldest one there, I really dont. So I’m not gonna do it . I really don’t give a shit about not graduating, […]
I feel no different from a dead person. Even though much of the things that happn to me are normal, my brain is not. I’m getting tired of trying to fight. That’s the least I could do for the people who care about me. Like today, I just feel empty and flat. I do normal things and react to situations like any other regular person would. But everythings feels so distant from me. It’s like I’m living but not feeling. It’s like I’m here but I’m not really here. Just like a dead person.
How long can I stay like this? If I die now, will […]
I’ve wanted to die not long after I’d been born. The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was four years old. And for the people who have told me that my brain wasn’t fully developed yet, its impossible, i wasn’t capable of feeling suicidal, bullshit. I remember it. I wanted to die and I was perfectly capable of feeling hopeless. Â The next seven times I tried to kill myself was when I was ten years old and living in hell. I remember I brought a large steak knife up to my room and just held it up to my neck till […]