For the first time in 7 months, I find myself contemplating how things would be if it had worked the first time. Or the second.
Tag:
mistakes
I don’t really want to die.
I just want to be anyone but me. Do you ever just feel like your life is a montage of mistakes? Like your heart breaks even with the smallest flaw? I don’t want to be so prideful. I don’t want to feel like I should be perfect–not because of the standards of anyone else, because let’s be honest, there are few people that spend enough time thinking about me and what I do to care if I’m perfect or not. No, this need to be perfect comes out of my pride, the arrogant little bastard that tells me I should […]
I know I want to leave this life and all, but I’m scared of what will happen after I die..
In the family I grew up in and what I’ve been taught and so on, is that if there is indeed a god, he would send you to hell for taking your own life. In different religions it’s different outcomes, but what if I do take my life and I do get sent to hell..i’d be forced to keep reliving my life. The life i’m trying to get away from.
I always thought if there was a god, and if you did take your life, he would […]
do i deserve to live? i took my own childs life away? he couldnt speak, he couldnt say no, he couldnt fight for his life and i took it away from him, i could have had a beautiful 1 year old boy to this day and i still would have been with my girlfriend but now i have fucked that all up and im left alone with nothing no one to love no purpose to live or go on i want my baby back i want to be with him up in heaven. is that so bad?
We all make mistakes. Some more often that others, and some worse than others. It hurts both parties involved sometimes and other times only one person cares. But mistakes are a thing of the past. They are something that can not be undone. All we can do is apologize and try to make it up to the person. Try to be better, do better, and hope that they can forgive us. Sometimes I think the mistake is being human. Being…at all. Our lives are doomed from the starts someday we will all die somehow and we spend our entire lives just screwing up until then. […]
(When I kill myself, I’m going to tell my parents to say it was an accident. It’s better that way. They won’t be blamed or shamed by a cultural community that doesn’t understand or accept mental illness. They won’t be asked where they went wrong with me, what mistakes they made in raising me, or any other bullshit like that.)
I’m so sorry, Mom and Dad. Don’t tell anyone the truth. Say it was an accident. I don’t want you to be ostracized for my selfish decision. I know you despise lying, but please lie for all of our sakes. I don’t care what they would […]
we are all humans we all make mistakes and learn from them ,but sometimes our big mistakes can lead us to depression . sometimes there are some mistakes that you can’t fix them and when you think about it you feel guilty and you start to hate your self!!!. but you can never fix a mistake by a bigger mistake (you can never fix your mistake by suicide).sometimes you really enjoy your time while making a mistake and you feel proud but we don’t know that this feeling will change and will regret it . and whenever we remember our mistake we start crying or […]
When I get up from being down I always try to get a new start. Make myself different like a new man. I try to get a new start to erase my mistakes. The next day everyone sees me, notices me. This kills me since I just want people to forget me. Remembering me is remembering my failures. So now instead of a new me people see a new failure to be made. How can I hold my head up high when every can see my flaws? A reason I would hate to die is because before I’m forgotten everyone would bring up the worst […]
I used to believe anything was possible. Straight A’s. Got into a good university fresh from high school.
I always wanted to cure the acne scars on my face. I thought no man would love me with these scars. So I paid for a laser treatment. It did not make things better, it made things worse. Now half of my face is beautiful and untouched and the other, treated half is ruined. I can’t help but think this affects everything people think about me. The bad half of my face makes me looks sloppy, stupid and trollish.
Worse yet, it is all my fault. And so are […]
Mistakes, it’s all I seem capable of at times.
Everybody make mistakes. it’s a part of learning. Right? Then why do you always keep on criticizing me? I mean, Stop it. If you can’t say anything nice then shut it. How am I supposed to do something right when all I hear about me is everything wrong??? Just because I try to ignore what you say and don’t react furiously, that doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want. Be sure to taste your words, before you spit them out. Some people will never understand that. And trust me, those people are so gonna regret it.
My Dearest Collin
In the time that has passed since your death, I have struggled with why you did it…why you killed yourself. You had no mental illness. You didn’t struggle with depression. You had no previous attempts or cries for help. You had a loving girlfriend that wanted to marry you. You had a good job, good friends…a family that loved you. So you had received several speeding tickets and lost your license. So you got caught driving on a suspended license and extended the suspension of your driving priveledges. So, you drove your inebriated friend home from the bar because he was in no shape […]
Tryed the rope around my neck and slowly go Down in knees. Just to try how it feels. Im scared for What happens next? I get dizzy and then stand up again. How long Will it take to be unconsious? Im not from US so sorry for Any spelling mistakes.
I find that throughout my day as Im cringing while thinking of my life and mistakes, I have these uncontrollable outbursts of saying fucked up shit. Like I will randomly just say to myself “kill yourself”, “you should die”, “Im already dead”, ” fucking kill me”. Then I freak out and go ” why did you say that”, or ” dont think that way”. Its really annoying and its like im suicidal automatically, whether im happy or not. I just want to be the real me again. It literally feels like I dont know who Im looking at when I see my own reflection.
My Dearest Collin
In the time that has passed since your death, I have struggled with why you did it…why you killed yourself. You had no mental illness. You didn’t struggle with depression. You had no previous attempts or cries for help. You had a loving girlfriend that wanted to marry you. You had a good job, good friends…a family that loved you. So you had received several speeding tickets and lost your license. So you got caught driving on a suspended license and extended the suspension of your driving priveledges. So, you drove your inebriated friend home from the bar because he was in no shape […]
Why do people insist on celebrating the day you were pulled, kicking and screaming out of your mother, so much so that they do it every year. Why do we have to celebrate another year alive. Another year of underachieving and mistakes. Instead of moving forward with life i go backwards since last year. And this year its worse. Another year… Fuck it. Promised i wouldn’t ever see this birthday. Another promise gone…
People get upset when things don’t go their way.But I doubt they feel like I do.Call me a drama queen I don’t care.It’s not all the times, for example once in school a girl wouldn’t shut up and I just wanted to get up and punch her.Other times my parents don’t let me go out while other parents let their children go and they come home til the next day.I feel trapped in my house,even in my room I feel like i have no freedom.I feel like jumping out a window or just running away.I can’t relay on Doctors,family, friends no one to help me. […]
I Am Sorry
For all I’ve antagonize take pleasure as i agonize over my slow painful death and I say. I am sorry!
for those I have wronged my pain is prolonged I just want them to know. I am sorry!
for every second you waste on my stupid mistakes i am sorry
for every penny you spent on a life that I went, and wasted I am sorry
now that I’m gone I hope you move on and please… don’t remember me just know I am sorry
I wish that I could just re-start my life and stop myself from making the same mistakes that I made…
Hi
I was going to wait to commit suicide until I am kicked out of my flat in a few years, but my depression is so bad, I am so lonely I just want to die now.
I was going to postpone it because my Dad died this year and my death in the same year would be worse for my family than waiting a few years.
I don’t get on with my family, they bullied me and my parents stunted my growth.
I know I am an adult now, but imagine those people who are malnourished as kids who never grow beyond a certain height, well thats […]
I’ve found self-confidence through the military, but the depression is getting to me. I need to get out of the army, last 3 more weeks, but I keep making mistakes. I keep falling down. I need to go home, the sergeant hates me now. He thinks I’m an idiot and I’m messing up because I can’t handle the stress. I don’t want to tell him because I’ll be stuck here longer. I just need to wait it out and get home safely.