I am not skinny. I am not fat. I am not pretty. I am not ugly. I am not mean. I am not nice. I am not popular. I am not unpopular. I am not weird. I am not normal. I am not social. I not quiet. I am not liked. I am not disliked. I am not happy. I am not angry. I only identify as one thing; sad. That’s it. Why? I am tired. I am sick (recently diagnosed with heart problems). I have no real friends left. I have no caring family. Why? I never did anything, to anyone. I used to […]
Tag:
Mom
My whole life I have had horrible luck. I always had to struggle for the things I wanted while the people around me just got it handed to them.
I started self harming when I was around 11 it started out as light cutting on my left arm and then once I made enough cuts I would stop until they healed
One night I decided to write a suicide note and take a bunch of pills. I took around 60 pills of all kinds, some sleeping pills, some pain relievers, some pills that were just there. What ever pills I had I took them
Some […]
If everytime I message her, I feel high, then what does it mean? What if it brings me out of numbness. What if after our talks, I end up feeling like shit. We come back to my old rants about love. I thought Nycolle was my drug, yet I just felt worse and worse the whole time.
Lucky for me there are people here who most highly likely feel the same about this kind of situation. But, the problem is my lack of long term solutions for this problem. What can I do? After breaking off what little we had? People from here tell me not […]
I dont know where to start.Everyday , before I sleep , I pray to God to take my life.I don wanna live anymore.I want to start with my father.He doesnt care about me , He didnt care about me till today ,btw I am 23.He only thinks money.He gave me little money even he can afford much.For example,in November , I wanted to him to buy me boots because mines were old(I was using them for 5 years).He said ok , and we went to shopping.After we bought them he abused at me hurl.Why does a dad do something like that to his son although […]
my mom is always hating me everything i do is wrong  no matter if i do something good she only sees bad my sisters call me and emo fag and a attention whore i want to die so bad i cut every day each day to go on living is a struggle i gave up hope along time ago i cant even remember last time i was happy or i didnt have a forced smiled my dad and my best friend are the only ones who care but when they ask whats wrong i either say im just tired or nothings wrong im fine im […]
My life just took an 180º turn.. for worst.
So I had my appointment with the psychologist today. Needless to say that two minutes in and he was already giving me paper tissues. I was crying my heart out. I told him pretty much everything. Concentration problems, trouble sleeping, depression, lack of memories, suicidal thoughts (I explained I wouldn’t do it because of my mom tho). And according to him, I should had seeked help a long time ago, as now I am so deep into depression.
Result from appointment: Tomorrow I have another appointment with the psychiatrist so I can start right away taking antidepressives and […]
I understand that it seems like I just want to kill myself or whatever when a guy is  mean to me, but that’s just part of it. I’m already right at the edge. I’ve gone through seeing people die since I was 4. I didn’t understand it then, but I did at 8, when my grandpa died. He died right in front of me. Of course, that messed me up. Then I only had one grandparent, because my other grandpa had pretty much disowned my family after the death of my grandma on my mom’s side (the death when I was 4). So all I […]
June 20th 2011, a day I will never forget. That was the day I first started to have thoughts of suicide. They spawned from who knows where, it just happened. My family and I were on a road trip in an RV, I was going to the front to see the corn feilds whirring by, when suddenly, I dunno what came over me, but the once innocent eleven year old girl, grabbed the handle to the door, thank God it was locked, who knows what I might’ve done.
September 25th, 2011, My 12th birthday was here, shoulda been happy, but I wasn’t. Sure it looked like […]
I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I wake up in the morning crying. When I actually make it into work I fight back the tears until I can no longer take it, at which point I go cry in the bathroom. I’m in college and when I’m at school I managed to keep it together as far as not crying but I don’t hear anything the teacher’s saying. My mind is a clouded mess. I can’t focus on anything school related. All I can focus on is holding the tears back or all the thoughts that are constantly bombarding my mind. […]
So a few of you knew how my mom threatened to kick me out the other day.
Well it’s happening for real. Tomorrow I’ll be packing my stuff in preparation to move out of my house and into someone else’s. There’s a couple at my church willing to let me stay in their home, so I’ll have a place to stay.
I’m 15. My mom got kicked out of her house when she was 13. My dad left his house when he was 16. I guess you could say we all moved out early.
Anyway, I just want to let you guys know that this […]
Hi my full name is not that important right now but I will be revealing it on a later post..
So this is my story..I’m a writer a very good one if I may say so myself and I “was” quite clever to, although I had a average life growing up with both parents and a grandparents who love me and spoiled me in every way possible growing up in the new South Africa..so if you asking yourself why am i here writing this post on this “suicide project” if I had such a good child hood..thing is life was never good to me..truth is the […]
i get that i’m young but still… i can’t believe you pressured and hurt me that badly so i’d give up the o0ne thing i’ve wanted for years. I’ve planned.. I’ve Prepared… and you said you were ready.. then changed your mind? how is that fair to me… i keep having dreams of being a mom now.. but i don’t have that chance because i gave up their life for you.. i regret it with every inch of my heart and i wish i didn’t. i need support right now.. i’ve already had such a hard life and now i’m even sadder and even more […]
I am mute, i just cut, and i feel like dyeing, why? Because my mom finally broke me. All i have ever wanted is for my mother to love me and care like other moms do, but i never get her love, when she was down and sad wjo helped her? ME WHEN I WAS ONLY 5, I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHY SHE WAS CRYING AT THAT AGE BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO HELD HER TILL SHE FELL ASLEEP, ME! I WAS THE ONE WHO CARED WHEN MY DAD WENT! AND KMOW SHE TREATS ME LIKE IM TRASH!!! WHAT DID I DO!!! IM ONLY […]
Trapped in the home of people who refuse to understand, who think my depression is hiding something, who think I’m lazy rather than my depression is debilitating.
I could take every type of med, go to every type of therapy, I could have sunshine coming out every orifice. It would make no difference.
Why? Because my problem isn’t me, its my mother. My mother is a cold, venomous, uncaring nag. She does not believe that depression is a mental illness, but instead views it as a weakness of the mind. She has mild dysthymia at worst and thinks she is the authority on depression. I doubt she has experienced a […]
I manage to log into my second Facebook account every other day, in hopes that my mom wrote me back. She does sometimes. but most of the time i have to wait for days before she writes me.
i don’t know why i try so hard, she never wanted me in the first place. she used to tell me she wished she had gotten an abortion, and some how i always manage to over look that. but today im just so so so far down in the rut i started realizing that this is what my potential life will be like. i cant manage to do […]
15 years old and havin a shitty life im adopted my bio mom name is karen my bio dad michael left right after i was born i moved around alot my mom was always with abusive men and into sex drugs and drinking dcfs had to get involved when my mom was with this one man who physically abused me and shook me till i fell unconsciousness and i was only two years old i nearly died sometimes now i wish i did i was supposed to to me i sometimes think im gunna end up the exact same way as my momn middle school […]
I’m old and my life doesn’t have enough pros to be happy but it doesn’t have enough cons, visible cons, for others to stop shaming me. No matter what I say no one believes me, that and other times I’ll get treated rudely; “kicked while down”
I’ve learn that anytime I tried to explain what is going on, I’ll be painted as “resisting” and “unstable” regardless of how legitimate my words and experience are. Usually I take a deep breath everytime it happens. It doesn’t help my situation, it definetly doesn’t help but only lets me reach this acute solution of few minutes where I regress, […]
I want to cut again. But I’m trying really hard not to. I’m going away tomorrow with a few friends and if I make more cuts it wouldn’t go unnoticable – I don’t even know if it will go now.
It’s getting harder. I pretend it is not. But it really is.
It’s been over a week that I’ve heard from my bestfriend/(ex)lover, so I guess that means it really is over. I kinda don’t care about losing the lover part, but I do care about losing my bestfriend. But I guess he didn’t care after all. I dreamt about him last night. In my dream I […]
Ello. Domino speaking. Back from the hospital. And being closely monitored by a drunk dad. Hahaha. I failed once more. What is this, the 5th time? Fun.. Anyways, while I was in the hospital, I was given the ‘privilege’ of having looseleaf paper and a pencil to draw. But of course, I didn’t draw, I write. So I just slept until a dream stayed in my head, and it turned out to be one of my old memories. I feel bad for leaving you all like I did earlier, so I’m gunna type it right here for you all to know a little bit more […]
Hey everybody, I’ve been here off and on for a month or two. First off, I’ve met a lot of really good people on here. I think most of us SP users are really soft hearted and it’s easy to click with other people here. I don’t know why I’m writing this because I’ve made up my mind and I’m not looking for support or crying out for help. Hopefully someone out there that also feels like shit will read it and maybe get something out of it.
I’ve lost 3 people this year and my cat that I had for 7 years (I count that […]