Feels like I’m aimlessly floating. The addictions I can’t seem to beat and the ones I just don’t want to or see the need to leave behind. Tired of not living.. but don’t really feel like I want to ‘live’ anymore. Floating around and around. Moving inside my head. Thoughts telling me that I’m not here, I’m not really here.. Just watching everything pass by. I’m not on any medication or drugs, thank you very much. This is how things are. Music drives me. Tales of adventures and forbidden love. I get lost in other worlds.. I can’t handle this one. It can’t handle me. […]
The thoughts are becoming fiercer, more vigorous, more overpowering.
It’s been four months since I started my therapy, yet I feel no change. Each month since I was diagnosed, I told myself that I had finally hit rockbottom. Each month I told myself that now there was no way other than up. Each month. March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December.
I was wrong each time. It was never rockbottom. Every time I promised myself to try and get better and to make a true effort, something happened. Whether it was my mom driving me up against the wall with her hand around my […]
Im seeing them again.. the three black circals that cloud my vision…. I wanna cut so badly.. i was using my coping skills again tonight its 2am here. My most useful coping skill at the moment is drawing. My mom (step mom)Â came over to check on me i asked to have more paper. She said no that i need to stop distracting myself and get to sleep.. i just wanted to scream.
She’s the person who doesnt get it most of all. She’s super religious. She doesnt get that im bisexual. I’m just “in a phase” . […]
I’m in a horrile mood today. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself back to sleep. Listening to my sad depressing music because it fits my mood.. I need a sick day sink can stay home and sleep and cry and just be left alone and not have to worry about anyone or anything..
I hate to beg or plead but I need support right now..
Dear Reader,
I will hang myself in a few minutes. I know it’s selfish and harmful to my family, friends and people I know. I know I can continue my life somehow but I feel depressed and anxious all the time. I don’t feel like I can function successfully in society for more than a few weeks or month. As shown by my failing in my 3rd first semester of university, despite getting good grades initially. Maybe staying home and relying on someone else for the rest of my life is an option for me, yet I can’t do that. It’s embarrassing and pathetic.
There are things […]
So that’s it. I feel lost and emtpy. I don’t see why I should wake up tomorrow. I got a Math exam tomorrow, but I haven’t studied yet and it’s late, so I’m gonna left it blank, as I did the last time. Nearly nothing makes me smile now. Maybe music is the only exception, but even when I play my favorite songs on guitar I feel numb. Day after day, I’m getting more and more depressed. What’s the point of all this nonsense? I want it to stop. I want to be a 8 years old kid who enjoyed making sand castles again. Life’s […]
It looks like I survived the most powerful suicidal thoughts attack in my life that I had for the last week and a half. I’m not sure if that’s good. I’m just too weak, to do it I had to delete all the pictures of the girl I love from my computer, delete all traces of her so nobody would bother her after I’m gone. I couldn’t do it, I just can’t. I can’t let her go.
I’m back to escaping from everything into my head, fantasy worlds. I don’t really want it anymore because the thought that one day I will wake up and instead […]
This is a sort of rant ramble of things, and also a call of advice.
I’ve never been too good with words. I always manage to say the wrong thing when I’m speaking face to face with someone, and I also get very emotional too even over things that don’t need to be. So in general hard to discuss topics for me are even harder, and I’m sure I’m not the only one on this board.
So now onto the general main topic.
I’m moving to California, I’m just leaving everything behind and moving, there’s no doubt in my mind about it. I have to go for myself. […]
I’m a 19 y/o girl who has done amazing things in life. People have told me this. I don’t feel amazing though. Yeah, I play the drums, attend culinary school, I’m known as the “church girl”. I never miss mass. Everyone see’s me with a smile. I don’t even want to smile. I’ve attempted suicide 3 times and no one knows that. I just saw a picture of someone with another person. Something I always was afraid of seeing. Someone who I gave my whole heart to…someone who I loved and cherished so much. I truly never got over this person. This is only part […]
Im in my room With the music loud as hell
No-one can hear me screaming-
They never do..
Well I’ve got a razor to my wrist and im wonderin’
Do you still think Im happy?
Excuse me while I cut out all MY imperfections
Here is a song I made. music is the only thing worth living for me. Please support me and give it a listen
Here’s a little about me. I’m a girl. I’m 17.
I’m bipolar.
It’s hard living with it. I don’t take medication for personal reasons.
One thing I hate is when people say suicide is selfish. In a sense it is, but people say those words out of ignorance. Nobody knows what that person was feeling, how hard their life was, or their reasons.
Bipolar disorder causes me to do some really crazy (and generally dangerous) things. It’s an odd thing, because I do these things in a snap decision, and then afterward think “that was stupid of me” – though I don’t think through the consequences at the time.
I’ve […]
Hello.
I think I’ll start with introducing myself so that, you know who I am and you won’t have to put it all together in confusion.
My name is James, but I like to be called Jamie. It’s more fitting and all of my friends call me that.
I’m 16 and enduring my Junior year of high school, Â so far the hardest year of my life.
There are many things that make me sad, which seems to be the case for most sincere people on this site, so I’ll just break my rant up into parts according to what’s going on.
My Brain
The thoughts that I have are so unorganized, […]
Let me tell you bout my month yall
Endless shoppin’, I had a ball
I had to ball for therapy
My shrink don’t think that helps at all
Whatever, that man aint wearin’ these leather pants
I diagnosed my damn self, these damn pills aint workin’ fam
In my spare time, punchin’ walls fucking up my hand
I know that shit sound super cray
But if you had my life you’d understand
But, I cant fold
Some poor soul got it way worse
We’re all troubled in a world in trouble
It scary to […]
A wish
A wish where two friends
Drive on the coastal highway
With the windows down
The music way up high
Just dancing
Throughout the whole trip
A wish
A wish where two friends
Drive into the woods
Up into a hill
Just watching the clouds
Just watching the planes
Just watching the birds fly
Just watching nature
Just having a decent conversation
Like two innocent children
No stress
No drama
No problems
No situations
No fights
Just two friends being children for a day
Just a wish
So some people may want to know a little about me here,
My name is Paul. I’m blind, 16, and love music. I’ve wanted to take my life many times because I’ve made so many misstakes.
Email me if you have any questions at brl.cents@gmail.com
Or google paul blind wrestler.
You’ll find me there too.
She pressed down
On her beloved blade.
The only thing
She had left.
She pressed until
she couldn’t bring
herself to go any
Deeper.
The skin was splitting
As she bled out.
No one believed her.
No one loved her.
No one really cared.
She was alone in how she
Felt.
In how she
Lived.
They all pushed her aside,
Saying she wasn’t damaged
ENOUGH,
Broken ENOUGH.
She just plain wasn’t
Good enough.
She got to the point,
Where she couldnt even
Face
How she felt
Without her music.
Her love, he told her
That she must simply
Get over herself.
And constantly…
Her mind, […]
so the ***** is at a friends house..YIPPEE!(: had the night to myself. the first night in weeks i gotta walk around the house not worying what my sister would do to me. normaly, i leave a room and she screams. the other day she beat me with a hanger for stepping out of her room to change a song on utube im supposed to watch her clean her room not focus on music…anyways she comes home in a few hours…DAMN but a plus side: mom outa the house today (***** is nicer when its just dad home). i wish my morning can last forever […]