I’m twisting and turning in bed, hardly any sleep. Just thoughts of her constantly flowing in and out of my head, what we could of been, what I should of done – what i shouldn’t of done. I don’t know if anyone here has ever been through this … But I basically replace, she led me into believing we still had a chance, and god I was trying my best, but she planned it so perfectly just to hurt me. After 3 years and a half.. Those memories of us just so meaningless to her , that she can just go and sleep […]
Tag:
my head
I am so sick of the lies in my life and the false hope that people keep feeding my already dead heart. Nothing is worth going down the endless road of life anymore. None of my friends talk to me anymore, they are just too busy to care about how I am doing anymore. I have so many issues with my health and head that no one should ever be able to love me or ever want to risk loving me. There are 7 billion other people in the world who are better off without me and the world doesn’t need my useless self taking up any space […]
This has got to be the shittiest day of my life. I’m at that point. That point. The point that scares the shit out of me and yet excites me at the fucking time. The point where I could just die right now and I wouldn’t give a fucking shit.
Please, someone just kill me now. I can’t stand this shit anymore.
I’m sitting on my bedroom floor. I’m bleeding out. I can hear people talking in the living room. I’m not calling out for help. I’ll just listening to music and drift off.
I hate my head. It keeps torturing me. Why do I have to go […]
I just had a terrifying dream. These demons were always around me and watching me and I could see them whenever I looked into the mirror. Then one of them came for me. I thought they were gone but I looked into the mirror to see myself and she was behind me then looked at me and came for me . She poured this stuff in my mouth and duct taped my mouth and proceeded to put a bag on my head. I think I was about to die then I woke up.
I was scared as fuck when I woke up. It felt real. […]
This may be a bit confusing to some of you, but it’s what has the need to be let out of my head. When you’re depressed you need to hold onto whatever you can to live. Make up an excuse and believe it. I can’t say I have felt more pain than someone else because no one can feel what someone feels. I can imagine what others have been through based on my tolerance of pain, but to say I have it worse than someone else does can’t be true. Yes, I know this is horrible, but at least once everyday I imagine killing myself […]
I’ll be using SP as my dream journal as long as I’m having these horrible nightmares.
I dream about that day. The day he died. I have been dreaming about it mostly every time I go to sleep. This was one reason I refused to sleep for weeks. I didn’t want to sleep because I was afraid of seeing him in my dreams. Afraid of losing him over and over again. In my dreams is where he is alive. I wake up to the reality that he is gone. That’s what hurts more than anything. Each time, he dies. I try to save him somehow, but […]
I wanted to write, but now I can’t think of the words. Im trying to stay positive and move forward. I admit I took a few steps back, but Im looking for a brightside, trying to keep my head up. But I worry. Worry about my actions and what I want. I wish I had the words so this post would make sense.
Lying in bed, having all the bad feelings flooding back, and all I want to do is message my “friend” because he’s always been there for me. It’s been almost a week since he told me he couldn’t talk to me anymore until I got help. I can’t do it. My mother will be angry at me because I’m being an inconvenience to them. My roommate will be angry because it means he has to do more house work for a bit and won’t until I’m home and blame me for causing him issues. I usually watch streams to relax and fall asleep to, but […]
ok so I logged in here after several months of just lurking and someone had changed my nickname to TrustMyDogB4Men. I did not do that and would never choose that nickname even though I have been through a lot of crap with someone, and it did have to do with my dog. I had someone try to kill my dog, so even though the nickname rings true, I would have never put that on here. How could someone change my name and know those things about me if I never said anything here about it? I’m really kind of creeped out. Someone knows a little […]
Free me from this prison
Ive been locked away for ao long
Every day seems to last forever.
Then comes the night
The time when all my toughts are set free
They flow through me aimlessly
Wanting to become a part of me.
I can feel the darkness
Taking over my mind
All i can see is blackness
I feel empty, like there’s nothing to be found.
Within me
There is only despair
I can not see clearly
It feels like life isn’t fair.
And then i think to myself
What feels better
Or less painfull
Than being alive?
A rope around my neck?
A bullet through my head?
Freefalling through the sky
Meeting death at the end?
……….
And then i think to myself
Maybe life isn’t so bad
But […]
I hear people say it all the time. I never think anything of it. I just immediately nod my head in agreement. Then that point of the conversation is over with.
I never hear people fight the statement or really just stop and think about it. I mean, yeah, it probably can’t buy some people happiness, depending on the reasons they aren’t happy to begin with.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Today is my parents’ 19th wedding anniversary. They have been together for 35 years. High school sweethearts. Yes… They’ve had their fair share of ups and downs, especially this year. At a certain point, I wanted their marriage to end because I felt it had become toxic. They pulled through. They found a way to make it work.
As for me, I don’t see myself married. I doubt I’ll ever find someone who will understand me. Sometimes it’s hard to even understand myself. Marriage… Children… That will be just another reason to keep me on this earth longer than I want to.
I’m scared of getting […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I can’t help but want to scream when the memories of this day flash through my mind, as if they were not memories, but annoyed spirits. They fly around inside of my head, touching every aspect of my mind, looking for the slightest excuse to gain control and make my life a living hell. They seem to be a sentient thing, a personality outside, and yet within, myself. Made specifically to destroy me, and gruesomely efficient at their work. Perhaps, if they truly are sentient, they enjoy their work, and that is where their almost deadly determination and efficiency originates from.
They hurt by reminding […]
I wake up in the morning feeling anxious. It gets so bad I feel physically ill. This causes me to miss a lot of work because I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything, and I’m not feeling well. I miss work from this, plus the days I’m sick from other reasons. So it adds up. T and Z believe I’m faking because I can appear fine today and be out tomorrow and come back the next day. They don’t know it’s from anxiety though. I just tell them I’m sick. They wouldn’t understand if I told them the truth. You could tell me to […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
but girls still like me???? I don’t get it at all. Whenever I am in class I just put on my headphones and bob my head and groove, even sing at times. \I also have a bit of social anxiety, yet I don’t know. I don’t get what they see in me.
I used to have times I was socially inept and a total loser, but I grew from all those experiences. I might still have a long way to go… But if you take care of yourself, and keep your mind strong then one day it’ll get better and better…
I am such a weirdo, that […]
This is honestly just a post to get out my thoughts because they just keep clouding my head.
Anyways, I’ve been so emotionally drained the last few months. Like, there are some occasions where I’ll feel happy, sad, or angry, but if it’s not any of those, then I’m literally numb to it. And even when I do feel those, I don’t know how to react to them. I just don’t feel anything; it’s like my whole body is disconnected from my feelings. I just don’t seem to care anymore about anything. My grades are getting worse & I only have 2 weeks to fix them, […]