This is my first time on here. I don’t even know what I am doing. I have suicidal thoughts. I am 40 years old nd feel as though I havn’t amounted to much in this life. I feel like a complete loser. Lost my main source of income a year or so ago. No retirement or savings of any kind. The reason I lost my job is making it very very difficult to get another one. It was my life and passion. I don’t feel that my friends and colleagues listen to me or respect me enough. I am always wrong and whenever I have […]
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my life
This was probably my 32nd time trying to end my life… and again I failed… I can never seem to fully break the skin enough to do anything. :'( I just want to do because, no one needs me nor wants me around and I have no purpose nor reason to exist anyway…
I still have a few other ways to try before I officially give up on trying to end my life for good… so far I’ve tried, Hanging, burning, cutting, drowning, electrocution, running in rush hour traffic, and beating myself. And I have done all of these things multiple times… 🙁 And no one […]
I am in my late twenties and feeling that there is no longer any hope. I been depressed since i was 16 and attemted only once. I seem to go through stages of being ok and relativley happy to the darkest place you can think of.
The last month i have been thinking about going on a daily basis the only think stopping me is the pain of going, some people might say you wouldnt care about that if you really want to do it, however no one wants to feel pain thats why i want the easiest way to do it.
I have massive debt, no […]
I hate my life. It seems OK looking from outside in but this is not what I want. What’s scarier to me is that I don’t know what I want. I feel miserable and useless and lost and confused. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I am so alone but I don’t want to be around anyone. Doesn’t make any sense. Nobody knows how I feel and I can’t explain how I feel. I wish something or someone would just take me away from this place. I don’t have it bad but I can stand myself. No one gets me. No one…not even […]
Im 22 years old. I have a beautiful family that consists of my 3 children, 1 stepdaughter & my kid’s father/boyfriend of 8 years. sounds promising right? wrong. my troubles started at the age of 12. My father struggled heavily w/ a cocaine addiction that I didnt find out about until I was in the 6th grade. while he was a great, loving & reliable Dad, his addiction led him to become careless as it progressed. On June 2nd, the year following my 12th birthday, my father left me home alone with my “Godfather” who just so happens to be one of his drug buddies. […]
If one lives for the incredibly small things in life, does that make them pathetic? That has been a big question on my mind lately. I feel like my life is futile and meaningless. The only thing I look forward to daily is my night ritual. I scoop myself about a pint of chocolate ice cream, preferably Breyer’s or Edy’s, squirt a generous amount of Hershey’s chocolate syrup on top, and then park myself in front of the TV for the rest of the night to watch Arrow, Doctor Who, and other such shows. I know eventually, that’s going to catch up with me physically, […]
I have been ready to “check out” if you will for the last fourteen years of my life. I feel that I have so much to say but have lost the desire to speak. The only reason that I am still here is because I can’t muster the strength to try again due to the fear of not being successful. I wish there were a way to put my worries at ease although I know that is an impossible need to fulfill.
It’s a struggle to get through the day. Often I get off work and first thing I do is drink myself to sleep, around 4pm, it only takes me about 30 minutes and I’m asleep, good ol tequila….but the rest of my life is pain. I constantly think of suicide. I heard her voice this morning, when she came to pick up the dog, she was laughing with my roommates…perfectly fine…perfectly happy. When I wake up in tears daily. It always comes back to this. I am 24 years old, a lesbian, and I am constantly coming back to this depression. Sure there are breaks […]
…I feel less and less motivation to do anything. I’ve stopped going to classes, appointments, meetings with friends. The only thing I actually do is go to work. Normally I would proceed as usual because I’m always aware there is a possibility my suicide will fail and I will be left with the consequences of shrugging off my school work and such. But something tells me that this time will work and if it doesn’t…I might finally say “fuck it” and jump off a building even though it could potentially lead me to become a vegetable. How am I going to get my ass back […]
So then internet, this is something new to me but something i feel i need to get out of my system.
I’ve had a very privileged life, i’ve travelled the world to some amazing places all in the hope of truly finding out who i am as a person. It’s 5 years later and i feel further from finding that answer than ever before.
3 years ago i tried to kill myself whilst in Asia. Overdosing and cutting myself silly. That didn’t work and i was rescued by a fantastic couple who for one of them had been in the same situation previously in their life. This […]
This is something I’ll have to try and explain to my therapist. I figured I’d try to write it down first.
I suffer from delusional episodes. I don’t consider too many of my delusions “off the wall” or entirely “crazy” but never the less they exist only in my mind and it’s been proven to me on many occasions, but not before making outrageous claims, embarrassing myself and losing people I would have hoped to keep as friends..or more. This is why I say I suffer from delusions, because I drive away everyone who cares and the ones that stay get sucked into my pitiful […]
I love my house.
I love my husband, and he loves me.
I love my two dogs, the one that cuddles and the one that listens.
I love my job. As a teacher there are so many rewards. The people I work with are amazing and skilled individuals.
I love my family. Supportive and there when you really need it, but they don’t holdit against you if you’re under a rock for a long time.
I love my roommate (in a platonic fashion) because he is a really great guy and a great helper around the house.
I love my friends, especially the “rediscovered” ones.
Sounds […]
Hello everyone, I guess I will start this off by introducing myself. My name is Adam. I guess I should start at the beginning. Growing up, I was a pretty lonely kid. I was the typical black sheep and outcast. I remember one time when I first started school. Every kid in the class had to choose a partner to play with, and of course I was the only one left without one. Anyway, it didn’t really bother me then. When I turned 8, my mother and father split up. My mother had custody. She was more interested in girlfriends than men. Long story short, […]
I’ve only been to one therapy session before. It was rather recent–maybe two or so weeks ago. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I made the appointment in a moment of desperation (I tried to interact with a person and it didn’t exactly work out). I though that instead of crying and cutting over it, I would be appropriate and handle my porcelain emotions carefully and not break myself. As soon as I called to make the appointment, I found out that I had to wait like 3 weeks. I lost it after I hung up and ended up cutting myself, […]
Hi…
this is probably gonna be stupid. I doubt anyone wants to hear my problems, but I guess I’ll tell you anyways..
Well. I’m 12, and I have a pretty good life. I have a loving mom , a nice sister , I see my dad regularly , my mom and him never got married . They still keep in touch tho. My life’s just average. We don’t have a lot of money tho. but we’re doing fine. , I also have a very amazing caring bestfriend.<3 , but I don't tell her entirely everything.. I told her that I've cut […]
I downloaded Metallica’s Ride the Lightning album last night after falling in love with an 8-bit rendition that was posted to Youtube. While washing the dishes this morning before work, I put the album on and was immediately taken in by the energy that the wall to wall sound of early Metallica radiates. Great album top to bottom, but the standout track is Fade to Black. It’s not enough to read the lyrics; you have to go listen to the song and hear Hetfield crooning to really feel the weight of the words. He had this to say about recording the track:
“I wrote […]
Believe what you see from heroes and cons.
Hello again, SP. In my entire time having been depressed, I have only written here once before. This was when I was upset over a trivial problem concerning someone (read: no one-hee hee!) loving me. Boo hoo. Bleeding fucking heart for myself back then. (Please note that I mean no disrespect whatsoever to those of you having relationship problems-I’ve never been good enough for anyone, so you guys are cooler than me! Not that being cooler than me is hard or anything, but I digress terribly.) This time, I write for a completely different reason. A much more […]
I’m 15 years old. I just started cutting. i feel like my life isn’t really worth it anymore. i have contemplated suicide. i even looked up medications that i could overdose on. i almost committed suicide Friday morning. I’m not one of those people who justseeks attention because if you want attention, don’t go about it this way. if anyone understands pain and guilt, that’s me.
I thought I was doing good by not saying that as often on public forums. It’s natural to blurt it out every 10 minutes though. Sometimes the feeling creeps up behind me and forces me to shutter my head neck and shoulders, then the words come out.
When I say I hate my life.. it means I hate where my life has come from, where it left me and where I know it will keep leading me. I don’t hate the world even though that comes out sometimes too. I don’t hate people even though there is so much evil out there. I feel I’m […]
It is amazing how life can fall out of grasp within a blink of an eye. It is like yesterday that I was happy and carefree with the world shinning brightly before me. However, it is not yesterday, it is today and today I feel as if there is nothing for me. The world is not mine for the taking and the Sun has disappeared completely. I’m sad, I’m lonely and I fear it will never get better. Maybe life isn’t for everybody because I may be breathing but inside I’m suffocating. Life shouldn’t be this hard. Living has simply turned into surviving and I […]