So im 18, I know what everyone will say, you still have so much to live for. Well honestly I dont, my life is so fucking shit. Im seen as unattractive and stupid, I feel so alone all the time. I used to have confidence and talk to girls, but I got regected countless times. There is no one out there who actually appreciates me. So there was this one girl who I thought was perfect, we talked about everything. When somehow I managed to screw that up as well. Sucide is something ive comtemplated way to much for my age. If life doesn’t improve […]
Tag:
my life
Can’t believe that I ever thought I had more serious problems in life before now. I was sexually molested and had awkward sexual situations with adults and others that were my age growing up. I repressed the memories, I repressed all of it because it was all so terrible and disturbing. I never dated growing up, I fell in love with a guy and started dating him when I was 19. I started having sex with him when I was 20 years old and once I started I couldn’t stop we always had sex. We were careful and responsible about what we were doing and […]
Fuck, I can’t do this anymore. Can’t get up, can’t go outside, can’t make friends, can’t lie to my family anymore. This pressure is too much, like my head was exploding. I don’t wanna die, really. There’s beauty in life but I am not destined to feel it. I need someone to give me a purpose, someone to share a lifetime with. I don’t want to get this university degree for myself, I don’t fucking need it. I could as well get a job at a local IT firm, enough to pay for a small apartment and everything I need. But that’s not the life […]
I should be dead by now. But I’m not. Why? Because of him. One person. There are so many people in the world and he had to come into my life. I cannot understand what he saw in me and what he apparently still sees in me. I love so many other people but I was willing to leave it all behind because I just couldn’t be happy anymore, but now I am. I haven’t been in love in years. I fell in love with him as quickly as I made the decision to end my life. I don’t get why this happened. I don’t get it.
I […]
I think I’m depressed, maybe even suicidal. It all started when I was 8. On the day before my 9th birthday, my mum committed suicide….I remember my reaction, I ran into my room, ripped down all my posters, punched the wall (it made a crack) and I broke the class on my bench, then I just ran outside into the rain and cried.
my mum had been depressed for a while, she had no money and struggled to get a job. She was even homeless so she stayed with with her friend (my parents split up). Yeah so most of the time I stayed with my […]
I feel that my life was mostly pointless because I could not live to the fullest at all because everything costs money, and people have to like you so your life is easier. So most of my childhood it was extremely lonely I had no friends and I got bullied everyday I think that pretty much tells me I had no place in this world cause I didn’t matter to anymore infact people wanted me gone. they didn’t care when I got hurt on the playground, when I got punched, when I threw up in class, I was so alone. When I was in the […]
No matter how hard I try, and no matter that some things go right, I can’t get ahead in this life.
So, just lost my place to live Sunday night, staying with my brothers ex for as short a time as possible, we get along ok, but she just hates people in her living space, and I can totally respect that.
Still have my job, and work my ass off when I’m there. Pay is crap, and we’re now cutting hours. Since I started about 4 weeks ago, I was getting an average of 30 hours a week, which was just enough to cover my bills, keep […]
One thing that helps me get through the day is. Is listening to music through my head phones. Music has helped me get through many dark parts of my life that I thought I would never get through. Pretty much anything except classical I listen to.
What is one thing you do to help you get through the day?
I really don’t know why I’m doing this. When I first told someone about my ..situation, she said that maybe even though everything felt unbearable at the moment, it could get better later.
It’s not like that for me. Everything is always unbearable. The way I feel, and sometimes don’t feel, scares me. I’m tired of not being able to go through my life without thinking I really should kill myself.
I’m tired of the part of me always making excuses, always thinking “what about your parents? How will they feel?” and I’m very tired of feeling like I’m faking all the time. I’m tired of my […]
This is my second post. My first is a life story of sorts. But the basics you need to know before you read the rest of this are: 1. I’ve struggled with severe mental illness for over half my life, and I’m young. I’ve made five very serious suicide attempts and have been psychiatrically institutionalized 11 times. So, I’m a very experienced mental patient. 2. As ironic as it is, I work in an acute care mental health facility. Most of our patients are either suicidal or have just been medically cleared and sent to us after attempting suicide. So I guess you […]
Why is it so hard to be happy with your life?
People always say you should be happy and blessed that you’re even alive. Really?
I find my life to be so stressful and horrible. I find it so hard to be happy. I always worry about my future. Then I consider suicide and it makes me feel better. Like I don’t have to deal with anything or anyone anymore. I would go into my life details, but there’s no point really.
I guess I can say the only reason I want to live is for other people, but is that how it should be?
How can I make […]
so I guess this is my own first personal entry here. sharing personal stories has never really been my thing but I ll give it a try.
I grew up in a what most people would probably call ‘golden cage’.
daddy a big-company manager, mummy a doctor. broom-stick-up-their-asses-rich-people.
From early age on I was their marionette; had to learn how to play the piano so they could show off with me at their business dinners; made me take ballett lessons; the list is as long as time and filled with various stereotypes it s not even funny. Whenever I did not obey I was either beaten […]
I feel so pathetic. My life hasn’t even been that bad. I’ve never been physically abused by anyone. Both my parents are alive, and my family isn’t poor…
So why do I feel so depressed… So empty? I feel so tired, but I’m only 13. Why?
Maybe it’s because I have to put on a mask whenever someone is around, after all it’s been that way since I was 9… I think I’m even starting to trick myself with my own mask.
I feel like an actor in a play I never auditioned for… My script is prewritten and made to deceive, my mask to convince. I can’t […]
This has been the hardest year of my life. To say things have gone south is an understatement. Some good things have happened but the bad far outweighs it. I attempted to commit suicide unsuccessfully earlier this year. Ever since then I’ve had off and on thoughts about attempting it again. The biggest thing that has stopped me is my kids and the thought of who would find my body. The first time was a cry for help. I didn’t succeed because I was sloppy about it. This week though all the feelings have come rushing back. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that […]
After much thought and consideration, I have decided to end my life. I may have only been here for 19 years, but that’s 19 years too many. Life has been harsh to me for too long. I have a condition that’ll shorten my life span anyway, so I may as well cut to the chase and get it over with.
I have forgotten what it feels like to be truly happy in life. Sadness and depression have defined me for so long, I don’t know how to feel anything else. There hasn’t been a day in my entire life when I woke up and thought, “I’m […]
Is there really light at the end of the tunnel, or do our eyes just adjust to the darkness?
by Cheshire
written by Cheshire
I’m fairly certain I come from a long line of diagnosed and un-diagnosed mental illness. My maternal great-grandmother committed suicide when my grandmother was eleven. Unfortunately, I never really took the time to ask my grandmother how it effected her as a child and an adult, and now she’s recently passed. I have been diagnosed as bipolar by two psychiatrists, but when I returned to one of those doctors recently after a couple years gap, she seems to be rethinking that diagnosis. I’m not seeing a professional right now because I have a hard time justifying spending $50 to see the therapist every week, plus […]
Ever since I was a child, I was never really happy with who I was. I always looked at other people and wish I could be them. Everyone is smarter, funnier, wealthier, stronger, more attractive, and/or just better off than I am.
When I was about 7, and later at age 11, I was sexually assaulted multiple times by two different people (a cousin and a fellow Boy Scout). I’m still traumatized by those experiences, but I believe I deserved it because I never said anything to stop them.
When I first developed depression, I started self-loathing. At age 13, I was diagnosed with a medical condition […]
My life is a living nightmare. I want to die so badly but I can’t ever seem to follow though any plans to commit suicide. It isn’t about anything religious or some sort of moral dilemma. I guess half of reason I am unable to go through with it is the immense pain suicide may be. I mean let’s face it, jumping from a really tall building and having your bones crushed into a million pieces doesn’t seem very attractive as does jumping in front of a train. I have heard so many failed suicide attempts that I fear being in immense pain in a […]
I’ve had a lot of medical and mental history. My CFS/fibromyalgia is bad at this moment. I’ve tried to take my life in the past, but didn’t know you were supposed to go down the road and not cross the tracks. Plus I have a genetic blood disorder that causes my to clot quickly. I didn’t know that at the time. I saw my mother try to kill herself several times as a child. I don’t want to leave that legacy to my hubby and children or whoever may find me. But, I’m tired of being a burden. I’ve learned my Daughter in Law says […]
I just want my depression and the voices to end, I had the best job and the best wife and lost it all. I have lost my life, my confidence and all my friends. Am currently studying again and doing really well, but hearing voices to commit suicide and having depression big time sucks as if I can’t pull myself out of a grave. And yes I do take meds.
I have gone through suicide in my head thousands of times and know of the painless method I will actually carry this out. Just need to save some money. It’s pain vs pleasure for me and […]