I don’t know where to begin. I’m 25. And I’m scared honestly. I know the tears that runs down face, is pain. And I feel like I can’t go through it anymore. This life of mines is something I don’t want to go through anymore. I’ve dealt with so much throughout my life, I feel like, I just can’t do it anymore.
Tag:
my life
“And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depths until the hour of separation.”-Khalil Gibran
Today has been a heart-wrenching day. I woke up knowing it was the 2 month mark of when my little brother took his life. It has been a devastating loss that has shattered my world. He is a part of my soul and always has been and I feel tremendous loss.
And then I received an email this morning from a dear friend known here as Iamzero, stating that he was sorry but that he could not go on any longer and wished me thanks and love. Love […]
I’ve always thought about suicide since I was 6. Been molested by a few people until I was 11 years old. So it made me really suicidal since a young age. When I was 17 I was disowned by my dad’s side and he left when I was 8 years old. I was thinking of ways to kill myself because it would be hard in the group home to get a way with it. So I came up with one that I thought would work. My school had a freeway above it so one morning I was dropped at school ran up the hill and […]
Is it weird that I want to die? I don’t really know if it is. For about a year I’ve been debating my life. Do you want to die or do you not? I do want to die. I want to die because I am socially awkward. I want to die because I have no future. I want to die because then the pain would be over. But I don’t want to die because then the pain would be over. Is it weird that I enjoy crying every night, that I enjoy my heart aching every second, that I want to die. I am full […]
Probably one of the saddest moments in my life. On the way back home from school, one of my sisters got a phone call that my other sister intentionally swallowed a handful of pills. I was not told if she was alive or not. Bus stopped and I reached my door. Opened the door, and everybody was acting like nothing happened, my sister looked sad, but that was all. I didn’t want to ask what or why she did it, because I didn’t want her to suffer any more as it would be torture to bring back up the topic. I felt helpless. My sisters […]
I realise things will never get better for me. I’m a an ugly retard with no personality or talent and I have chronic mental health problems (borderline personality disorder, social anxiety). This life is futile, I’m a moron and there is no point to my existence. But how can I end it when there are people who love me and vice-versa? My aunt adopted me after my mum died and she spent years, $1000s, and energy treating me as her own despite my differences and what I put her through. I think it would tear her apart. But what’s the alternative? If I stay here […]
Hi there, my name is Sami Jo. I remember being 13, and it was the best year of my life. After that, I fell into a dark place and thought there was no way out. I decided at 15 that it just wasn’t going to get any better. Over the next 5 years, I tried to kill myself 5 different times and somehow someone or something stopped me every single time from succeeding. I’m 21 now and I still have days where I am angry for ever being born into this world. But, every now and then I’ll have days like today where I think […]
I would like to share with you all a moment in my life where I felt the value of living.
I am a big fan of comic books. When I was younger I would consume manga (Japanese comics) which led to my later love in life of American graphic novels and great American literature in general. My favorite graphic novelist is Alan Moore. If you’ve never heard of him I’m sure you’ve heard of some of his works. He’s the mind behind the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, V for Vendetta, From Hell, Lost Girls, the Killing Joke, and Watchmen. He’s a wonderful man […]
Just saw a preview for the movie, If I Stay. Seems that a girl gets into an accident and she is left to decide whether to live or die. Then, she probably gets a glimpse of the life she would lead if she chooses to stay.
I wish I could see how my life would turn out if I stayed. I already made the decision to die but I am still here. Some days I am planning for my death and others I act as if I am going to live to 90. It is actually quite exhausting to live in two extremes.
It is crazy because […]
My foster mom is so fucking hateful. I begin to take charge of my life, and she flips shit. I’m seventeen. I applied to take a nursing class at tcc so I can have a decent job in college and she freaked out and reminded me about how none of my family cares about me. About how i’m so alone in the world. I cried and cried….One more year.She got mad because “ever since I got back from my grandparents, I’ve acted like an adult”, which is her excuse to tear me down and rip me apart. I’m not gonna let her get to me. […]
I always considered Robin Williams an “original” comedian. Simply meaning he was one of the comedians I saw mostly in the movies I watched growing up. (Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, etc.) I always admired these men and have actually hoped to meet them.
I remember being so depressed, and so lost in my life, mind, body, and soul. I had been thinking of death.. actually HOPING for death. I would imagine things and imagine the peace I would probably feel. Around this time I watched What Dreams May Come, and it gave me a better understanding of suicide (even if it is a fictional story) and surprisingly […]
Most days I want to end it. I don’t have a plan. I don’t dwell on a way out. I just want it all to end.
When I was 12 (I’m 30 now) I first thought about suicide. It seemed romantic. Maybe I’d come back as a ghost – if a somehow fashioned a guillotine then I’d haunt my house like Marie Antoinette. Maybe I’d get to meet god, the real god. As irrational as it sounds, I was curious about death – what was it like on the other side? IS there an other side? That being said, I was also looking for a way out. I […]
The only reason I love sleeping so much, is because my life has a tendency to fall apart when I’m awake…
I’m back, again. Most of you don’t remember me. It’s been 2 years since I last posted. Time has not been easy on me. I have a lot of changes, big changes coming up in my life in the next couple of weeks. Already, I have gone through several big ones, like losing many friends and my therapist, who were the only people I had to support me. Now I’m down to one friend that is constantly there for me, though he has major problems of his own. I feel like I’m losing every single thing that means something to me in my life.
My 18th […]
I rarely come on this site…but I think it’d be a good time to post to get a little off my chest. I don’t know how to feel about life right now. I feel so alone and just overall confused. I really am looking forward to the day where I truly love myself and feel at peace. I don’t even know how I’ve made it this far. I know I’m a shitty person to the people that really matter and who will always be there for me. I’m so selfish towards my family, yet I never do anything about it. Another thing that is just […]
It’s 4:am.
countless cigarett and broken thoughts, and here I am again. Awake in the dead of night, alone in the darkness. It’s quite scary actually, the things you can get used to. My thoughts are running wild…my thoughts are running deep. I can never run away from the way I truly feel. The days are okay, I just run on rutin. Breath in, breath out, go to school, eat,drink, speak. Life is just a habit, I just do the things I need to do. Don’t think. Don’t feel. I’m shut down. I’m disconnected. My life is my rutin. It’s weird how little remains of me.
I […]
ever have a day at work thinking that swallowing a bottle of pills would be a good afternoon snack? i don’t know what is going on with me . i want to be alone but yet being home alone is making me nervous these days. the thoughts are racing. and trying to get me to talk is like pulling teeth. i keep thinking i see something in my peripheral vision. add that to some new stressors in my life and its time to play will i or won’t i again. hey maybe i am just coming unglued. time to go back to my cell.
I’m new here, just made an account. Anyway I’m a 22 year old guy. I was recently diagnosed with epilepsy and that has been having my depression worse then ever. I’ve been depressed for my whole life. I honestly can’t think of the last time I was truly happy. I don’t think I ever have been. Life is too much right now. I don’t want to keep doing this because staying alive feels like it’s killing me. The non stop doctors apointments have ruined my sad at best social life. Never had lots of friends. Always only had two or three but they were the […]
I’ve suffered more pain in my 19 years than most endure in a lifetime. I’m so tired of going to bed every night hoping I won’t wake up, only to do just that and have the pain reply itself. No one in my life cares or even notices. I’ve attempted to end it once before, but I woke up in a pool of my own vomit instead. I tried to move on from suicide, but my life is a void. Nothing but lament can fill it. Everything jut seems so unease for me right now an I can’t stop this pain I’ve been feeling, it hurts […]
So it’s been a while since I last posted anything. I feel like I’m getting worse as the day passes by, voices are still telling me to give up and die. Last night I broke my chain of self harming. The last time I self harmed was a couple of months and that’s all I think about now, all I want to do is die, why can’t I be happy as I use to. There ain’t many issues happening in my life but I still experience a psychological war against myself. I just need out.