Tag:

my life

The Process of Dying/Ramblings

by Mark_1981 2/15/2016

written by Mark_1981

I don’t know if it’s just me or not. I like the idea of eternal peace and tranquility, or death to simplify things. I think of dying everyday (literally) but the actual process of dying sickens me. To think of my bodily functions shutting down, my thoughts and consciencenous disappearing; the step back into the eternal calm of non-existance. To me the process of shutting down, as I said, sickens me but I also know that it is something that we all must experience eventually (which begs the question of why we are borne only to die but I digress).

I don’t think I’m alone on […]

2/15/2016 0 comment

My story currently…

by Skior 2/15/2016

written by Skior

Well the thought of Valentines doesn’t really bother me due to the fact that it really is a celebration of how people feel towards one another, and a scam from big companies. But either way knowing that people can feel that strongly about each other and that when i find someone that i value as a significant other, that i can celebrate Valentine’s as well.
Either way no one would value me that way that i would for them. I am just so stupid. I am failing high school and the fact that that doesn’t really bother me, scares me. My father has leukemia and […]

2/15/2016 1 comment

Drowning

by Nobody12345 2/14/2016

written by Nobody12345

“I’m drowning
Suffocating
Being crushed
So deep
Alone………So empty
It’s dark
I’m scared
I’m sinking
Will I die if I touch the bottom?
I’m drowning
I fear
dying this way
but the surface is so far above
how much strength do i have left?
Can I reach it?
Is that heaven?
or is it just a breathe of fresh air
before my heart gives out
and i sink back
into the sea
save me
Is there anyone out there?
But who can hear the cries
of a man with no voice
for i am in the depths
and my voice lies far above
will someone […]

2/14/2016 2 comments

Not sure what I think now….

by want2rest 2/14/2016

written by want2rest

I have had mood swings and periods of depression sine I was 16. I am now 52 and until last year had never really thought about ending my life although I have often wished I just didn’t have to wake up.

I thought being married to my ex was bad but the last 5 years have had at least one piece of crap and trauma every year and although I have picked up the bits every time it has just worn me out.

Strangely it is the small things people do and say not the big things. Last year I decide the option of ending my life was […]

2/14/2016 8 comments

im scared

by unlovedsoul 2/14/2016

written by unlovedsoul

im a young adult with no future and i have no help support or friends,i tried taking my life last year and i ended up throwing up and choking it was awful and i think i got lucky,i then i tried again and failed,and now i think im honestly going to go even further then i have before,i use several different sites to come on and unload but people either don’t care or they think im a teenager,i know the best people can do is tell me to reach out but they don’t understand that the mental health system has failed me and that i […]

2/14/2016 4 comments

Protected: New Obstacles

by whiskered-fish 2/13/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

2/13/2016 6 comments

Even More Pointless Self-pity

by thehusk 2/13/2016

written by thehusk

I wish I could be myself around other people. Unfortunately, ‘myself’ is a complete piece of shit. And while there are things I can do to moderate that, I can’t see it ever changing.

So my life is artificial. I can’t let anyone else see who or what I really am. What goes through my head. Because it’s fundamentally unacceptable. I am completely alone. I can’t let anyone see the fear. Because if they see the fear, they might start asking what I’m so afraid of. What is so awful that I feel so anxious about?

So my whole life is an act. It has been for […]

2/13/2016 8 comments

Jumbled Mess

by NicoleK 2/13/2016

written by NicoleK

I don’t know if I’ll come out of it this time. I dip pretty low, but somehow I find my way out of the mire enough to catch a breath. But this time is different. I don’t have anything to motivate me…well, except my debt. Seriously, debt is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. I guess if I decide not to kill myself, I’m afraid I’ll have ruined my life too much if I don’t pay my bills. Everything I do anymore is motivated by fear–not love or passion or even just a simple desire to do that thing. […]

2/13/2016 4 comments

She wrecked me…

by sobroken 2/13/2016

written by sobroken

I’ve been living with my Fiancee for over two years now. Well, I guess I should say ex-Fiancee, even though it kills me to. We had a lot of problems, I won’t lie. In a way, our entire relationship has been building up to its own end.

In the beginning and for at least a year she had a serious jealousy issue. She cut me off from my friends and family and constantly accused me of not really wanting to be with her. She left me countless times just to turn around and take it back. I always let her.

When she eventually started getting better, for […]

2/13/2016 7 comments

Im not actually depressed….

by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful) 2/13/2016

written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

I’m angry. I’m angry and being anxious by being trapped. Angry at my traumatic meaninglessness of a life. I’m not truly suicidal or ugly just anxious. I have emotional trigger points. I have mental blocks I’m so furious at them furious at my helplessness that i channel it inwards and call it depression. I have ideas and i told someone if I’m just mediocre at half of them I’ll be a millionaire. I believe that. I just want to get the fuck out of my own way. Ive lived in pain, helplessness, and hopelessness far to fucking long. Tired of having so many exposed buttons. […]

2/13/2016 2 comments

I just don’t know anymore

by Drowning 2/12/2016

written by Drowning

well to add to my mental state my doctor is sending me to get me checked to see if I have personality disorder which means I’ll have another mental Illness to add to the others great but will sort of explain why I find it hard to keep a relationship maybe because I don’t let people get to close but after 8 years u would think that u would be able to let someone get close well not me I always manage to sabatage anything that’s going well in my life iv become everything that I didn’t want to become im at a cross road […]

2/12/2016 2 comments

inner monologue

by Alan Ominous 2/12/2016

written by Alan Ominous

My existence is fucking stupid:
The HIGhLIGHT of my life is work. While I spend 80% of my time here, I don’t mind the job, it’s just infuriating that I’m squandering my prime years.

My coworkers practically murder each other to be the first out the door. Not me, I’d rather stay. Menial grinding is better than the home war zone. I usually lie about when I need to be to work. Sometimes I come in early, others I nap in my car.

I’m isolated. I don’t try to make friends anymore. I’m not allowed to go out solo, I don’t want anyone to witness the […]

2/12/2016 9 comments

Nothing

by Moneypenny 2/12/2016

written by Moneypenny

There is nothing wrong with my life. Everything is perfect. But I am feeling so down, so sick, so bad.

I am so scare of failing my suicide attempt. I can’t move. I wont try it, I know it, and I hate it.

I am scared of men, I am scared of women too, I hate living. And yet, everything is going as each and every little thing should go. People are nice and everything is ok. Except my head.

I wish I was different in a deep unconscious way. But there is this part of me that’s rotten and that I can’t heal. I don’t know why. […]

2/12/2016 10 comments

i want to disappear

by nnwwmm 2/12/2016

written by nnwwmm

Well hey im 15 and tonight i told my mum what i’ve thinking for 4 years.. i wanted to disappear. Its not like i want to die or commit suicide, also i just hate the word suicide and people say “commit” suicide, it sounds like its a crime, but its not.

Well so I told my mind that I was just so sick and tired of life and didnt wanted to do anything. I just want to fade away and disappear. And if I do die I want to die by someone else or by an accident. So I don’t have to feel horrible by making […]

2/12/2016 3 comments

The modest, empty shell.

by Kay-Kay 2/12/2016

written by Kay-Kay

Do you ever feel like there is nothing left for you to do,
That everything inside of you has been let go of and you can’t fix yourself anymore than you have tried?
Believing in yourself had an expiration date for me; the day I was born.
Or maybe it was the day I realized I could never be a kid in my family. That I would always have to be some part-adult to take care of the adults around me. And with all of this responsibility I lost myself along the way, I was eliminated and there was no telling to what I had […]

2/12/2016 0 comment

An Introduction

by NicoleK 2/11/2016

written by NicoleK

Hi, I’m Nicole. I’m sorry that you’re here, but I’m also glad that you understand.

I would never consider death if there weren’t so many barriers to survival. I mean, many of those barriers are within myself, but there doesn’t seem to be much help to fix those things. I have tried counseling and talking with friends and praying (which I very much believe in), but I still feel wretched. I just can’t handle failure or any kind of mistake, really. It comes from years of abuse and others’ harsh reactions to childhood mistakes. Now, I react to failure in a way that resembles muscle memory. […]

2/11/2016 15 comments

It’s kinda funny

by outinthedark 2/10/2016

written by outinthedark

Most of my life its been assumed that i would be the first one, and probably the only one, of my siblings to have a child. i mean, i love kids, everytime i see a baby, i have to hold them because theyre so cute and tiny. i’ve sort of wanted children too, to be able to raise a kid. but i know i cant do it. i cant do that. i cant because i know i will screw that child over. i am not fit to be a parent. its funny though, because my sister, who has disliked children her whole life, is pregnant. […]

2/10/2016 2 comments

First post

by Drowning 2/10/2016

written by Drowning

2/10/2016 8 comments

I don’t know what to do anymore…

by ZeZombie 2/10/2016

written by ZeZombie

I’m sixteen…and even so I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

I feel like I’ve failed my parents and I’ve failed myself more than ever. For the past two to three years, I’ve tried to commit suicide, but I can’t bring myself to use a knife, or to pop a pill, or even to hang myself. I used to cut, but that became a hard stop when my parents found out and I’ve been clean since then. I tried talking to my counselor, but my parents got mad because they said: “It makes us look bad!”

I’m falling apart..inch by inch. I don’t like […]

2/10/2016 4 comments

Lost in my own way

by missanonymous 2/10/2016

written by missanonymous

I’ve been trying to find myself for a long time that I completely lost me. I don’t even know what’s my purpose here. I don’t even know if i’m worth living every single shitty day. I’ve been so tired of life, I have given up to my own self. I guess life wasn’t really meant for me. And now i feel so sorry for everyone who would like to trade my life with theirs bc not everyone were safe from death. I am really trying my best to live, even if my mind stops thinking, even if my heart almost stops beating, even if…i had […]

2/10/2016 4 comments

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