The mind-numbing monotony of my life is driving me fucking insane. I feel like a dead person already.
How many days of my life have I wasted doing nothing? I don’t want to think about it.
I cant shake this feeling of patheticness that lives within in me, its like a cancer that has grown to occupy and associate itself with so much of my thoughts. I cant look at something simple and not have it trigger these self defeating and narcissistic thoughts.
Everything feeds it and makes it grow, stronger and stronger. It has gotten to the point where it effects everything I do, every conversation I have, every task that I have to go through to live my life.
Is someone had a disease that the doctor could see in a scanner and see that it has spread so much, they […]
After one more day in my life, i got a “news”, i went for a walk with some music, with my life going deeper and deeper and i came a across to this.
I dont know if im depressed, all i know is that im empty and hopeless, i hope i dont last that much longer because i find no happiness or goals, in matter fact the news is about why some girl just gave up on me, some1 that ive met in the first day of the year, some1 who could bring some sort of light, she said to her friends that i was empty […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Every time I try to do things right something comes up. I take 2 steps forward and 4 backwards like literally. My love life is horrible I got played and used so many times it’s not even funny. My hospital bills and student loans are ridiculous and I didn’t even get to finish school. All I ever wanted is to be happy I’m 25 and I haven’t yet to be happy.
i’m probably on the edge of a breakup and i’m really scared. i’m trying so hard to be unselfish – no cutting and no starving myself. i’m taking care of myself for the sake of others, if not for myself.
some bad stuff happened and my girlfriend and i hadn’t talked in several days (we’re long distance), but i was still trying to be positive about our relationship. then yesterday i got some really angry messages. last night i ordered some of her favorite kind of chips, which have been discontinued, for $36. i keep wondering whether she will still be my girlfriend by the time […]
Honestly, I did not think I would be on this site this often. It seems like there’s this sense of family here where everyone just wants to support everyone even though, none of us really want to live in the first place.
It’s a very satisfying irony.
Today I woke up at around 3:30 PM. I would have stayed longer in bed if it wasn’t for my mom’s consistent yelling in my head. She thinks I wake up so late because I go to bed so late and, while I do, I should not be sleeping for 12+ hours every night.
Yeah, it’s pretty easy for me to hide my depression since […]
Not that it was off anyway.
I’m so tired of taking all this shit from these people who call themselves my neighbours. I AM SO FUCKING MAD RIGHT NOW.
These sons-of-a-bitches think they can just mess with my little sister any way they want. My sister was in tears after being harassed by my so-called filthy shitty, motherfucking neighbours. Not the killers. The killers are long gone. But their fucked up relatives who are still around. The bitches who hid the killers from the cops.
I’ve never been so fucking pissed in my life. I wanted to fucking beat up a *****. They gave me a chance to […]
Recently I have come to the conclusion that the thing causing my life to be shit is not some kind of exterior force, bad luck or me being the victim of circumstance, it’s me. This conclusion even relates to my shitty experience in my early school days. I’m talking about times that I didn’t fit in and was bullied. Bullies don’t pick at random who to bully, they go for particular types of personalities, all these things originates from within the victim themselves.
btw I’m not justifying bullying, I think it’s a terrible, terrible thing. But in my negatives trains or thought I have arrived at […]
January 6th, i attemped suicide.
i took lots of medicines and drunk alcohole.
but i couldnt die… my head was just dizzy and i couldnt eat anything for few days. i did not tell anyone about this. and i wont tell anyone. but now i think i still want to die. i want to end my life.
this world sucks…
i really hate myself and no one cares about me . my family my husband they dont care about me … all they care and want is money ..
i have been trusting that one day i can have someone who loves and cares .
I’m sick of feeling this way. I’m drained. I’m physically drained. Tired. I’m sick of being trapped. I’m sick of being stuck like this.
I have been wanting to die more than anything in the past few days. I know I can’t. I know I shouldn’t. But I want to. I want to so bad. I want to die. I really, really want to die. I’ve never wanted to die so much in my life.
My head is heavy. Even my body is a huge weight. I still can’t get out of bed.
I’ve been cutting like crazy. I’m running out of room on my left thigh. I […]
I am so sick of the lies in my life and the false hope that people keep feeding my already dead heart. Nothing is worth going down the endless road of life anymore. None of my friends talk to me anymore, they are just too busy to care about how I am doing anymore. I have so many issues with my health and head that no one should ever be able to love me or ever want to risk loving me. There are 7 billion other people in the world who are better off without me and the world doesn’t need my useless self taking up any space […]
I havent been in here in what seem like ages. I used to use this sight to escape my reality and let out all my anger and sadness. Since i last was on my world has turned upside down and I truly didnt know what true sadness was until a few months ago when my mom passed away. She is my EVERYTHING my life, my soul, mt breath and for a long time she was my reason to live. NOw I struggle everyday with finding a purpose for staying here on this earth. The thing that keeps me going is trying to live my life […]
Thats it.
I have a habit of rejecting the good and accepting the bad. I pushed away my girlfriend because I wanted drugs and she’s against them. I lied to her saying I was clean and how I’m never going back to that life, but honestly I am still living that life. All I look forward to is getting high. The other day she told me she still loves me and I was horrible to her. I told her to get over it that I’ll never love her back. I told her I was with my ex again, the girl who I cried about to her saying […]
My friend called me to go to the beach and go see the water and trails and it was so cold , about 25 degrees . But I got some good pictures . Here’s some
happiness to share with you all 🙂 it was gloomy out but the water was pretty .
Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset
I’m not sure why my 2 previous posts were deleted explaining my life story..
after days of endless sleep research and planning .. it is just a matter of time and when before I end it.if all goes well… I end peacefully I’m at a stage where I feel so numb and I just don’t care about anything or anyone. I don’t know how to explain this feeling of emptiness. I really don’t care for my existence anymore. On one hand I feel sorry for what I will put my parents and my brother through… But it’s not like they care much anyway .. […]
Do I want to die? 99.99% of me says yes. It is only me that can answer why and I am aware that It, the reason why, is all in my head.
I don’t know how to explain, the best that I can come up with is that I have awoken from a dreamworld that I’ve lived in for most of my life. I am not in any way, shape, or form lying or being misleading when I say that I grew up in isolation. I internalized just about everything. From the isolation, there wasn’t anyone who wanted to get close to me–no aunts […]
This has got to be the shittiest day of my life. I’m at that point. That point. The point that scares the shit out of me and yet excites me at the fucking time. The point where I could just die right now and I wouldn’t give a fucking shit.
Please, someone just kill me now. I can’t stand this shit anymore.
I’m sitting on my bedroom floor. I’m bleeding out. I can hear people talking in the living room. I’m not calling out for help. I’ll just listening to music and drift off.
I hate my head. It keeps torturing me. Why do I have to go […]
I love someone infinitely and I think my love will last forever.
Yes, I’m bipolar. My moods swings too much these days.
Sometimes I’m so sad, sometimes I’m indifferent, sometimes so full of love, sometimes rage shows me the nightmare.(but mostly depression bother me.( my crazy thoughts were on bullet train for last few days.))
But it doesn’t matter how I am, I always believe in love peace and harmony.
It’s the only thing worth living.
But I’m so fade up with people’s fucking hatred behaviour. It runs so deep in them.
I can’t understand how can someone live with so much hatred in his/her mind […]