I’m scared…..what if I never get my life together.
Tag:
my life
i feel completely empty like i have gave up on bothering to even stay alive anymore because i just cannot find a purpose to try anymore on getting better, i just want to be dead i want the pain to suddenly stop and for all the problems to suddenly disappear and then people will realize how desperate i was and that i just couldn’t fight anymore. i am fifteen years old and clinically diagnosed with depression and social anxiety, and every single day i am made to get on with all my problems and try and constantly fight my own battles by myself.
when i was five […]
We don’t know each other, but I know that at least most of you are familiar with the thought and the desire to end one’s life. I am posting these words here, to you, as I cannot share them with anyone.
I have tried so hard. I’ve been hospitalized four times and I’ve managed to avoid that in the last 6 years. I got a job and I hold on to it as if the routine and my financial independence could save me. A friend (one of the two that survived to long periods of time in which I feel unable to talk to someone) asked […]
I don’t really want to kill myself, I just want the pain to end. The fact that I haven’t done it already also makes me feel like I’m a weak person. What an oxymoron, how can I be weak when I’ve been strong enough to get though almost 30 years of suffering with depression. Sometimes the sadness and anger feels unbearable. I have no one to talk because no one in my life understands or really wants to. Because of my depression and mental illness, I was not always a good mom. Now that they are grown, they do things to push my buttons and […]
i have always had an issue with following through on things…i dont know if it is me or if i developed it as a bad habit from growing up in a different place every year for 10+ years. either way, i am finally going to commit to taking my own life.
the thought of suicide has brought me comfort and relief over the past few years, but this year i have been researching and planning it whenever the classic bullsh*t in my life resurfaces.
i.e bipolar alcoholic self absorbed mum and her abusive peado husband. and all they have tortured me […]
Hollow smiles and empty days
Fading light and lonely nights
A struggle to find what’s been lost
A fight that never ends
Watching time slip away
I’m just trying for one reason right now, but I already fucked everything up in my life. Symptoms are getting worse, and the worst time of the year is coming up again. Fun.
Stupid idiot
I usually don’t post twice a week. But I have no one else to vent to and I’m just on the edge. I have nothing going for my life. As said before, I’m getting kicked out of school and this is my last semester but my parents don’t know. If they find out, I’m not sure what would happen, but I still decided not tell them. I figured since I’m supposed to go back to school January 20th after the break, and I’ve already picked out my date on Jan. 9th (my birthday) so I guess I won’t have to worry about school anymore. Or […]
Today I told my mom that I am going to end my life on my birthday. My birthday is in 2 months. I only told her because I didn’t want it to be a surprise for her. I wanted to give her enough time to sit with the idea. I always mess things up in life. I’m just not good at it. I tried to take my life 2 years ago but it didn’t work. I took it as a sign that I must have a reason to live. But no, it was just me failing again. So, this time I’m going to make sure […]
I thought I was slowly getting better. I feel terrible all over again. Family is planning to go to the beach tomorrow, after visiting the cemetery. This just reminded me that we were at the beach 6 days before my brother died. He was talking about life, my life. How important it is that I hold on. But I cant. Not without him.
Just now, my parents told me that my cousin commited suicide because he couldnt deal with my brother’s death. They had said his death was an accident. He died just weeks after my brother died.
I see myself cutting tonight or getting […]
Is it just me orr what? I live life as the most friendliest person ever. Not because I think I should, but because I generally believe that being nice is worth so much more than being a rude inconsiderate individual. Being nice honestly hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life. People just seem to generally dislike me. I can’t tell you how many times people have tried to fight me, over just being a cool person to them. I’m not ugly, or shallow or prude. Everyone says I’m really good looking, but looks honesty don’t matter. I feel like if I wasn’t good looking, it might […]
“The responsible one, the mature one, the reasonable and the rational one. No, I could never just take all that Xanax that’s not right. Gotta keep the grades up gotta stay smart gotta do it right or it all goes downhill.”
Right? That’s who I fucking am, right?
But, you see, I’m so god damned tired of being the responsible, mature, rational girl that knows not to make stupid decisions. Drugs and alcohol are no good, I know what they do to you. I’ve sat through every fucking school assembly about how deadly that lifestyle is, I’ve witnessed people go down that path and never return. But […]
So I haven’t been on this website in a while now. But I’m just in a bad place right now. I went off and started college and I thought everything would get better once I got away from the environment I was in,but everything just followed me. I started talking to one person who really wants to help me but the person is someone I can’t just entirely call up out of the blue and I don’t want to bug them with my problems because they have their own life and our relationship isn’t like that. And now I’m sitting here debating on what I’m […]
I’m wearing my mood likea weight around my neck.
Everyday it gets harder and harder to lift my head.
I keep trying to do the right thing for everyone involved in my life,
But everyday the pull to stay in bed gets stronger.
I wish there were words to cure my disease,
But instead it just festers inside me, slowly taking me over.
Time between breaths has become far too difficult.
I can hear my number, it’s being called.
I was born august 17 1997. Im 18 now and i have been brutuly depressed since i was 9. I was in the group home since i was 9 and got out 4 years ago cuz i couldnt stand being so depressed. I was left alone and have been alone for a very long time. My family has abandoned me and i cant stand this feeling of beeing lonely. I have hallusonations and visions and sleep paralysis. I have been homeless for 3 years. Im dead broke and i only smoke weed and drink not often. Im so stuck. I want to die but i […]
I’m perpetually depressed, I have no one, no friends, no one to love me or care about me. I wish I could just end my life, but I can’t even do that.
I don’t see how “things will get better” when it hasn’t for three decades.
I have suffered all of my life. My childhood was filled with abuse, my 20s and 30s has been wrought with illness and injuries, ones that affect me every day of my life and will never get better. I am in constant pain. I’m not in my 40s yet but my miserable existence begs the question: What is the point of living?
I already know I will end my life. However, I am trying to hang on until after my youngest is 18 (in several months). It is getting very difficult to wait. I have everything planned and ready to go.
Each day is harder than the last. My very existence is torturous. I have no one to help me. The doctor trys to help but no medication or therapy has made a difference (over the last 40 years).
Every interaction seems to just take another piece of me. I have no more to give. The tank is finally empty.
I am afraid I won’t be able to survive to […]
This morning I sent out all my thanksgiving text to my family and close loved ones. Tellin them that I love them and the reason why I’m thankful for them. At least they’ll know how I feel when I off myself. I’ve been on this site since 2012 and nothing hasn’t gotten better. It only got worse.
I guess this is why rape victims never come forward about anything. I’ve only told 5 of my closest friends and out of the five, two have told me it was my fault and one doesn’t believe me after I told him the whole story from start to finish. […]
It’s been a while but sadly i’m back here, anonymously telling the world my thoughts.
I made it a good two months through school without cutting. But i’m starting to act up again. Less than a month away till exams and as usual I can’t cope with the stress in my life. Everyday for the past 6 years I have thought about killing myself. Not once have i had a day of a peaceful mind. But it times like this, when i’m under to much stress that I can’t just push away these thoughts. Its times like this i sit on my bed starting at my […]
I’ve been feeling unwanted lately. I feel like no one cares. Although I try to convince myself that I am all I need, it never works because it’s not true. I just need to know that someone cares, someone actually appreciates my existence. I want to wake up one day and actually be glad I am alive. Be glad that I am living. Sadly everyday feels the same for me. Feel like I’m begging people to be in my life. I’m begging for support. Seems like I’m begging for everything. It’s difficult having no one around. I’m always there for people, sad part is no […]
I really don’t see the point of living anymore, I have a box inside my closet full of unfulfilled suicide letters…I was just to coward to go along with them, I really hate myself for letting my life continue like this it should of stopped a long time ago I give other people advice about how they should continue there life and how they just need to keep there up just a little more, But meanwhile I’m thinking of a way to die. My bestfriend thinks she knows what I’m going through, She doesn’t know the half of it nobody knows but me. I just […]