I am really trying here. I’m trying to do things that make me happy. I am trying to figure out ways to make things work. My kids are going away for the weekend. I will be alone and I know what that is going to do to me. I will want to end it. I will be completely alone with no one to talk to. No one will txt or call. I tried to make plans but all fell through. The quiet suffocates me. I can already feel the pain. I know if I don’t figure something out I will try to end it and […]
Tag:
my life
I’m tired – I don’t mean I want to go to sleep, I mean I’m tired of life.
I’m bored – I don’t mean that I’m bored of what we are doing right now, I mean I’m bored of everything and everyone in my life.
I want to leave – I don’t mean I want to leave the place we are in at this moment, I mean I want to leave my life and disappear.
I hate this – Not the thing that is currently going on, I mean fucking life.
24 years old female. My life has two parts: Happy with obstacles for 14 years and been miserable for the other ten years.
Before you read, please don’t forget that my experiences that I’m going to write, happened when I was a child and in my teens. So evaluate them according to my age that time.
Happy with obstacles happenings:
* At the age 4, my parents divorced. I’m with my mom since then..
* My father was away in another city but we adored each other so much and he was proud with all the qualities I have. We spent the summer holiday and semesters together. […]
Nostalgia: Part 2
Sometimes things come up that remind me of my childhood or mostly my teenage years and it makes me more depressed. And it’s not because I had a horrible childhood (it wasn’t great, but others had it worse), but whenever I’m “taken back” to those times of my life, I automatically compare it to now. Usually what reminds me are old games no one plays anymore or popular music I remember being released and it played nonstop on the radio that no one knows anymore. Like those things I grew up with and still love to this day.. they don’t matter anymore. If I go up […]
Can’t take feeling this anymore. Unacceptable. Gotta change something. Do something.
So, what’s holding me back from living a worthwhile life?
Well, superficially, there’s all the minor health issues. Just enough to make me uncomfortable most of the time, without actually being severe enough to deserve medical attention (not that most of them are curable anyway.) Either my skin problems are flaring up. Or my stomach problems. Or my allergies. Or my insomnia. Or my back problems. The combination means I never feel well.
On top of that, there’s all the little embarrassing physical inadequacies (both real and perceived.) Because I need more reasons to feel inferior.
But let’s put […]
I just heard this song for the first time in such a long time . It makes me sad . It reminds me so much of my mom. And I really wish she was here to of help me grow up and see my life and just be here with me . She’s gone forever . But this song also reminded me of the happiest time of my life when I was 15. This was my favorite song . I went to a Pink Floyd tribute concert the day after Christmas with all my friends and I was just so happy and carefree . Triggered […]
the bruises they fade, and the scars disappear. yet I’m stuck here hurt beyond disbelieve, looking for answers I can’t find within myself. the memories burn in the back of my mind and come creeping back any chance they get. the way her hands hit my face so effortlessly, or the way degrading words flew out of her mouth. I never felt so small, so afraid. I lay there helplessly on the ground, pleading for what seemed like my life, but not even that would stop her. then the next day would come and there would be flowers, or a heartfelt letter apologizing. I knew […]
I’ve lost control of everything. I am failing the two college classes that I managed to stay in, I’ve lost my closest friends… I can’t manage to even go to my classes because I literally cannot get myself out of bed. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’ve attempted in the past. I’ve cut. I’ve turned to drinking. I’ve stayed in a hospital for a week. I don’t have anything planned and I don’t think I want to do anything but I just don’t know anymore. I don’t seem to know anything except that I can’t seem to do anything I need to do. […]
Dreams better than reality? Why Dream is better than reality? Why is Dreams better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]
I’ve been here before.
Broken, Â alone, Â my heart so sore.
The sadness runs deep
My hill to steep.
My dreams a rumbling nightmare.
And All I can wonder is,
Why should I care.
I’m not in despair.
I just can’t figure out,
If this is fair.
They claim they’re is karma.
The good and the bad.
I should be glad.
You know?
I’ve done many good deeds.
And I should be freed.
Yet, here I am
Sitting in the dark.
Waiting for just a little spark.
A spark of good in life.
Can’t I give up?
This losing fight.
I’m tired of waiting for my light.
I want to sleep.
My last words to be goodnight.
But then I’d be a disappointment.
Like they all claim me to be.
I’m living in […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
As I am getting close to another decade milestone, one I hoped I never reached, I feel like giving up.
I don’t feel sad. I just feel empty. As from many years ago, I have come a long way from the severe depression I used to have. (http://suicideproject.org/2009/12/perfect-life/)
I know what it is like to hate living life every second.
I don’t feel that way anymore.
I want to love people more who care about me, and check up on me. I want to have more sympathy for those people and their hard times.
But I’m like the Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock. He doesn’t care about […]
Hello everyone. I am new to this site. I wanted to share my views on suicide, as I feel very uncomfortable discussing this kind of thing with people I know in real life. I don’t want them to worry about me. I also don’t want them to try preventing anything that might prevent me from doing the ultimate deed. I felt I needed to at least share some of my views with others, so here I am now.
I guess I should tell a bit about myself. I am a 23-year old male nihilist, that is someone who believes there to be no inherent objective value […]
Hi everyone. 🙂
The short version of this is I might not be on SP as much in the future. The longer version is just a vent about everything that’s been going on lately.
It seems surreal to me that only a couple of months ago I was texting a friend to say I thought I was starting to recover from depression. I’ve said it twice in the last five to six years. Things started to get worse again this time when my ME/CFS got worse. That seems to be improving now, although it’s been up and down lately, but the depression is still going downhill.
I cut […]
I grown into a young man, full of youth, enjoyment and had such a persona that I had the ability of standing out among a bunch of people, yes i was eccentric.
During my time of studies something happened to me that would last its mark to the rest of my life. I spent months in fear, months; in asking the question that why it happened to me the way i did, but there was no answer. My brain activated a survival response and i fell in love with fear, itself.
She was in my class. She was as fine and lovable as an Angel, i wanted […]
I am currently 20 years old and feeling trapped in a life I do not want to lead.
It all starts with myself when I was a couple years younger, just always trying to impress my parents, trying so very hard to make them proud, and just being a nice/happy person. I chose a career field, that I absolutely despise, to go to university for to please my parents. They have constant control over my life. Looking at my grades. Making sure I am doing well 24/7. I do not get along with them. I have dreams of traveling the planet and not be so close […]
I don’t really know what’s going on with my life and the people in it ..
it’s just like karma or table turning .. or what’s goes around comes a round or just lying .. someone I worked really hard to .. and he was so mean and filled with hatred espicaly for me .. now he is so good to me .. and I just can’t believe him .!!!
is it me the one who gots something wrong with or what .!!
Proof of life engraved on arm
and sin of living scarred into flesh.
Charm long cast aside;
yin long embraced!
Memories of you become nightmares
as the past becomes my drug.
The time for repairs has long past;
can’t be debugged!
The future I wanted
ended long before I met you.
Trickster with sins of life and virtues of despair;
can’t take back!
“One by one, the sins have become a validation of existence, a sign that I’m human! I’m not human, though… The glorified virtues have become my curse. My last remaining sin, the proof I’m still breathing even though it’s nothing more than a sigh…”
I’m wishing for the sun to burn it away,
to rise like […]
Today’s OCD thoughts are brought to you today by cheaters.
I have have been cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in and today o keep going over how it must feel. To be the person who has 2 ppl to choose from, a lot of times (in my cases) 2 people that love them.
I wonder what it’s like to have multiple people to love you?? I have never even had 1 person love me so it actually really is perplexing to me having 2 people love you or hell even WANT you. 9 hours this morning circling this idea in my head over […]
Every day I wake up with the same thought
Reminiscing about the losing battles that I fought
I remind myself of these miserable pasts
So that I may learn and achieve victory at last
Sometimes I win a battle but not the war
I still go on for what I’m fighting for
But lately I have only met defeat
Making it harder to stand on my feet
Must I give up and accept this fate?
Living in shackles with a heavy weight?
I refuse to live in such a way
But losing […]