Sooo someone else just walked in my life saying they love me but i know the drill. They give…give….give until they’ve gained my trust. I want to just say yes they love me…but deep down i know they don’t. I am afraid of not being…well you know. Sorry for being an annoying *****. Sorry for alway’s repeating my story.
Tag:
my life
Is there ever a day that can go by without this desire? I have been this way for close to a quarter of a century….that I remember. I swallowed many sleeping pills in April of 1992. Oops, I’m still alive.
Suicide is selfish. It is crushing. People say it’s being weak. Well, that’s because life is too heavy and it’s too exhausting to carry it anymore. My burden is not your burden. Noone but myself can tell me whether I can stand it anymore or not. Noone but me can get myself up every morning and breathe.
So, people that I hear say things that dig at […]
I think I’m gonna do something called my “Rear End Review” every Jan 31st
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
a word play on year end review. I’m also gonna post a Menstral Monthy (funny terms for an unhappy life) on here too and share with the world about how my life is going. Maybe ill do it in poetry form or something. I guess I’ll go ahead and do October
Its October, fall is here
I’m a sad ************ just like last year
Laying in bed, to broke to shed a tear
Plagued by loneliness, fear, I need a beer
i can’t steer my life in the right direction
Crashing, mental paralysis, major depression
the infections from all the constant past rejections
Erase my mind, I don’t want no recollection
This month has been a […]
I have been tired of breathing recently as I don’t feel the same anymore. My entire life has been going downhill and I am falling apart. People around my school notice how depressed and lonely I really am but they obviously don’t give a fuck, they end up making fun of me because im always depressed and they also gave me a new nickname which is “depression”. So instead of trying to help me get better they just make fun of me because I always seem down and depressed. I honestly wouldn’t mind dying sooner or later because nobody gives a flying fuck about me […]
I want to die. I just dont know how ! I cant live anymore, my father passed away and now my only sister is dying of cancer I have no family left. How can I possibly end my life in the easier most painless way possible ?
Over the last few years,I am becoming more and more bored and selective with people.I feel that the majority is of them is bunch of shallow,hollow and uninteresting individuals,most of the times corrupt and totally naive,not caring about anything else than money,possessions etc.My standards regarding the ”quality” of someone are extremely strict,and regarding relations,it’s even worse.All I wanted was to find a person that will be truly unique and twisted.A person that would make up for the emptiness of the world.A person,that I would love with all my might and sacrifice everything for.I wish I had never met her,for the person I described I actually […]
I am drained. I’m tired and exhausted of living in a body and in a world which I don’t care for, nor belong in. I have never really felt comfortable here, never felt a belonging that wasn’t as disingenuous as it was ephemeral, the only meaning, or purpose I have experienced, has been under substances, or even worse, from the euphoria of a biochemical imbalance. The only exception, the truly comfortable place, is this place in my head that I’ve known for quite some time; I would leave by my own hand. I hate myself and all of myself. All of the bits.
Although I […]
Glancing through my title-less “drafts”, I see so many times I started to express feelings that I never expelled. Once I had everything jotted down, I felt a sense of relief. Today, I will break that pattern.
Today, specifically, is one of those days that I can’t get out of bed. I tried to go back to sleep several times, but to no avail. It is likely that I’ll stay here all day.
So to understand somewhat of what I’m about to explain, I’ll have to go back to the past a bit.
As a child I was always shy and quiet, but bubbly and full of […]
Sorry I haven’t posted here in awhile. It’s October and the autumn leaves are falling and it’s getting cold again. I think seasonal change is bringing back a lot of the trauma from last year due to the environment being similar. I been in West Virginia for 13 months now. I’m alone, empty, and dead inside just like I was this time last year, just like I was this time 10 years ago. No one to hold, no one to share my life with, no hope for the future really.
While I’m still not suicidal, I often wonder if that post psychiatric ward hope was just […]
Perhaps my life! Am I actually very pessimistic or is the world way too unrealistic? Somebody tell me please. I find these words like “hope”, “happy endings”, “it gets better” and “optimism” sweet and nice when I read books or watch movies. When it comes to real life I guess these are cliches over-hyped by people who have never been where most of us have been and even if they have, they have this natural ability to just get out of things happily. You can’t ignore real problems and circumstances. I have gone through a lot and I haven’t been any braver or stronger as […]
Okay, I will confess: I’ve only ever written on post of this site from a long time ago and then kind of forgot about this site. But here I am again.
Basically what happened in that time was I got through high school and graduated with pretty good grades and all that, despite the rough patches throughout the years. I got accepted into my dream college and moved across an ocean to get here. These past two months at college have been amazing and I really shouldn’t have any complaints. I have friends, my classes are great and amazing and intriguing (I go to an Arts […]
It’s been a long time since I was last here. About a year and half, to be exact. I thought I was really getting better but in the last few months, everything seems to be spiraling down again. I’ve read that it’s therapeutic to write about it, so hopefully this will help me.
In July, my boyfriend of seven months, Alex, broke up with me. He was everything I had wanted in a person and I woke up everyday with an overwhelming amount of happiness that I thought the years of suicidal thoughts and depression were finally leaving my mind.
If only I knew how wrong I […]
Several times throughout my daily routine I have thoughts of wanting to die. Life is nothing to me anymore.
Let me begin with a little bio. I’m a 57 yr. old male. I have several health issues, I have anger issues. Directed to any one certain person? Well maybe god, if there is such a thing.
I was brought up believing in god, going to church, living the godly lifestyle, accepting that the so called god is in control of everything and everybody. So who else do I blame for my crappy life, yes I’m using “nice” words. I curse god daily, telling him what […]
No, oh no, not what you think. This is just another sad girl who is going to complain about her relationship, so here goes it. My love and I have been together for years; high school sweethearts if you care to call us that. This kid knows how many attempts I have made to end my life; however, each time it seems to be another friend who picks me back up? The same thing happened tonight because of just all the bull that he promised and yet again didn’t own up to. He makes me feel like I am nothing, and when I get suicidal, […]
I have this major fear of losing people. i have lost a lot of people in my life, including basically every family member. i have a small group of close friends and im scared that one day i might lose them. they are all i have. we have graduated from high school and we are all doing our own things, some are in college and some are in the armed forces, we dont live near each other any more. we all live in different places because of college and the armed forces and i am terrified that i will lose them! i cant lose them! […]
Hey guys. I haven’t been on in a while. My life really hasn’t gotten that much better. I did start on an antidepressant, but I feel more suicidal now. I started self harming again. I burn myself a lot. Life just sticks and I hate it.
If memories only serve a catalyst for misery and my future is bleak?
There is nothing, my anxiety destroys any prospect I would ever have. Are some destined to exit early? I find myself asking this question a lot. Very little makes me genuinely happy, I’m never safe in my own skin. It’s sad to say I feel the most comfortable and at home when I am alone. How pathetic my life has become. So many mistakes I have made, I wish I owned a fucking time machine (I’m sure a lot of people think that). Being haunted everyday with no ability to make new memories […]
I’ve made a post a few days ago about my problem. I don’t know if it’s possible to view someone’s posts, but you are free to see my previous post if it’s possible if you want to know what my problem is. It’s loneliness, in a nutshell. A lot of the replies were indeed encouraging, especially those from people who could relate. My problem is that I’ve never even had a chance to be with a girl. I’m extremely shy and it took me 21 years to be able to just talk to girls, and now I lack the experience necessary to find a girlfriend, that’s […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe my friend Rachel is right. Maybe I’ve lost touch with what is real and what is not. All I know is that I am losing the battle. And I feel like I’m hurting my friends. They can’t deal with my shit. I can’t deal with my shit. I want to die. I want to disappear. But I don’t want to commit suicide. I don’t want to do that to my friends and family. I don’t want to put that pain on them. But I don’t want to continue in this pain. I don’t want to keep fighting. […]