Well, I’m not sure it’s even called suicidal, but it’s a case if depression either way. But it feels so much more than a depression. All I want right now is to end my life, kill myself, get an early grave. But here’s the fucked up part: I’m afraid of death. I can only imagine that it’s simular to being stabbed multiple times in the heart frequently throughout the day, every fucking day, without dying. I want to end the pain, but I don’t dare. I can’t, but some day I fear that it’ll drive me even more insane. So insane that I actually stab […]
Tag:
my life
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life….I don’t know anything actually. I spend every minute of everyday trying to make others feel so happy about themselves and cheer them up when really I’m the one that’s needs cheering up…
I guess it all started when I was in 8th grade, and yes, I know that that is a young age to start getting depressed, but that’s what I was…no adult could understand, you all are probably thinking, “you’re so young, you have so much to live for,” or something along the lines of that, but truth is, you don’t understand…there are so many young […]
I have friends, I have a great family, I have a great boyfriend. I’m in my early 20s and started my own company 2 years ago. Since then nothing has gone right with it. My developers quit after months of not delivering on promises, and my current developer is treating me like shit. I have had suicidal thoughts off and on all my life but I’ve been having suicidal thoughts now for weeks… Today and yesterday something was different. I feel really numb. I keep trying to get out of it, to think about my family and how much it would hurt my little brother […]
Dear anyone
I am an 18 year old guy and my life is shit for the last 10 years with no exaggeration. I am really fucking depressed and I keep everything inside me for a very long time but I found this site some time ago and I would like to write my story before I end my miserable life. I know many of you will get bored and close this page in the midway because it will be very long but I don’t care for anything anymore.
The problem is that I am just so fucking ugly. I have nothing on me to like […]
I have lost the love of my life. The only woman I have ever truly loved and truly loved me. I waited 36 years for her to come into my life. She was my everything. Everything I ever wanted and needed.
I don’t understand why most people insist on telling me to “move on” and that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and other cliché nonsense like this. I am aware of this. I know I could get someone else.
Why do people not understand that I don’t want to find anyone else? Who could ever compare to her? She was not perfect. No one […]
I was doing so well. I was happy, my family was happy with me. I was helpful instead of a burden. I was trying so hard to please myself and everyone around me. My mom took my sister on a trip I was dying to go on. She had refused to take me on it the year before, but agreed it would be worthwhile for my sister. I was upset, and a little bitter at first. But I decided to get over it and just be happy and help out around the house over spring break while they were gone. My dad works all day, […]
Dear WORLD,
I hate my life. i want to die. i hate my family. i dont have friends. i wish to leave this world. i dont want to be here anymore. ive had enough time. give my years to someone who wants them. i dont want to hurt myself anymore unless it is soon followed by death. my heart is hollowed out from the world i was born into. take me away to somewhere far away where birds always sing and the […]
I have a sweet tooth.
Days can pass and I won’t be hungry, won’t eat, but the second someone offers me something sweet- or if I find it myself- the fast is broken; it can be an apple, a piece of candy, grapes, ice cream. Anything.
But why? Who cares?
The reason is old and sad (or pathetic, if that’s how you want to see it).
We’re not rich. We usually don’t have a lot of food.
When I was younger, we still didn’t have much to eat, but we rarely got anything sugary (or fruits, because parents just went and bought fast food for the starving masses).
I am the youngest in my family. I’m not close to anyone in my family except my brother (1 year age difference). When I was born I had two older (half) sisters who were about 8 and 6. I remember getting blamed for everything. They used to frame me and nobody ever believed that I was truly innocent. Even now, when they’re young-adults and no longer live here, I get blamed for anything bad happening in my parents life. I guess it’s easy to blame me. My father has a horrible temper and my mother has a personality of a mean school girl. This is […]
This is my first day coming off my meds and already I’m staring to cry. Nothing’s wrong! I’m at work… But I feel an overwhelming sadness welling up inside me. Because my life is so shit because I always fuck up. I don’t know… people tell me I have so much going for me. Why do I feel like my world is constantly falling down and there is no hope of building it up again.
I just can’t go on like this. Every breath hurts when I know I will never see her ever again. And yet every second of every day I long to be with her. Even if it is just one last time. I just want to see her beautiful face once again smile at me the way she used to when she loved me.
I know she doesn’t love me anymore. I cry for hours and hours every single day. I still love her with all my heart, no matter the pain she has caused me. She’s my entire life. Without her I have nothing left. My […]
Depression has literally ruined my life. My mom doesn’t accept me because of my behavior so I got moved away for my only biological family (my sister) and moved to my dads, which his girlfriend doesn’t accept me because of my behavior and the fact that my dad goes out of his way to help benefit me so that I don’t jump off his balcony. I was a straight A B C student till around 7th grade I lost all motivation but somehow made it to 9th grade and completely failed because I stayed in the bathroom due to the fact that I hated going […]
However I know why I didn’t. I might throw up and blame myself for not going, and perhaps I’ll keep doing that for the rest of my life, but I know precisely why I didn’t run away last year. I was ready, fully ready, I know that. I am not a coward.
I used to have a lot of desires and instincts. But eventually, with the passage of time and suffering, many of them faded away. And only two were left. Only two prevailed. They were: Desire for truth & Hate for society.
Society is my proverbial enemy, my arch enemy. But I am not a psychopath […]
“Sometimes I feel like people dont understand me.
But maybe its me who doesn’t understand myself
I struggle day by day,looking for a reason to keep living
By the end of every night, I never find anything
Worthy of a life in this world
So,why am I still alive and havent killed myself yet
The answer is I dont know
My mom, I am sure would be fine if I took my life
She still has my brother, who unlike me is perfect
He isnt a broken down car, waiting for the smallest of things to break down
My brother is smart,good-looking,successful and is very worthy of life
And I have no friends or talents to […]
My story is a bit of a funny story, I suppose. I had an awful childhood. Not the worst, it had it’s bright moments, I suppose. I was never physically abused, but physical abuse isn’t the worst kind of abuse… When I was really little, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and the doctor said I was borderline autistic, but he didn’t want me to live with that label too, so he never gave me an official diagnosis. But he said my symptoms were so bad, I would likely never graduate high school, and if I did it would be through special education.
My parents divorced when […]
I am 26 years old, and I’m married to the woman of my dreams, my high school sweetheart.
We’ve been married almost 3 years now, we have two kids ages one, and seven.. I have had a series of experiences in my life that I suppose have slowly eaten away at my innocence and I’ve managed to lose grasp on the good within me.
I use to be a very happy individual.. I was rarely ever in a bad mood or sad, and of those rare times my negative mood was usually influenced by an external source, someone unhappy with my choices or actions, or […]
When I first started writing on this website, which is February 2012, I was going through little things. I was a senior in high school worried about the way I look. Like crying everyday because I thought I was ugly, or crying because my peers would make fun of me and somebody told me to kill myself. And as I look back at those moments, I wish I didn’t let that little stuff bother me. Because It was nothing. It was little. Let’s fast forward to my third year of college. I am at the point in my life where death and the afterlife does […]
…Or rather, life when depression is artificially suppressed by a drug called Abilify. It’s pretty good peeps. The weather here in the UK is freaking gorgeous at the moment. Not hot but so mild and balmy, cloudless sky, pollution in the high range here in London apparently but I can’t say I’ve really noticed.
I was getting out and mixing somewhat before, but always driven by desperation, need and fear of the alternative. Now I’m getting out coz I’m kind of excited to meet new peeps and do new things. Went to a local social meet up thing this afternoon, for peeps over 50 with a […]
Hi, i am new to this site, please excuse my poor grammar and occasional incorrect spelling i do not really want to check all my mistakes and attempt to fix them and sorry for the long post, i could not shorten it out, this is the only place where i can truly speak whats on my mind.
What exactly am i dealing with? I’t cant be depression my problems are too meaningless to be that:
I constantly feel sad, like i am not doing anything useful with my pathetic, meaningless, insignificant life, like i have no meaning, sorry, its not like i have no meaning, i know […]