Im so tired.
I’m tired of being caught in the middle.
I’m tired of being treated like dirt; like nothing.
I’m tired of being treated like I’m not worth anybody’s precious time.
I’m tired of living.
I’m tired of breathing.
I’m tired of feeling.
But if I end it all today,
I die with a burden on my shoulders,
And selfishness in my name.
I would die leaving my boyfriend here to grieve alone;
God knows he’s as suicidal as I am.
I would die knowing all the pain I put my “family” through.
I would die never accomplishing all the things I wanted;
A […]
Tag:
my life
Hi all i may start up a website i want to move on in life. I’m male 31 and a little schizophrenic when i was young my ex mrs said i should have been a model ive put on some weight not heaps though and not too ugly. This aint a dating website but i want kids its hard to work with my illness though im pretty talented. Im still currently married but want to start my life again. And that can change i dont care if you have an illness i can support that. Just dont want to waste my life all alone. Im […]
In some ways having Asperger’s has similar types of symptoms to being bipolar! When I get to do something that I really enjoy, I get very manic and my whole world lights up! It’s also known as getting to enjoy my special interests that are associated with having Aspergers Syndrome and my special interests are trains! When I go through the usual blah shit, I just wish that I could die! When I have to do things that I don’t want to do, everything turns to shit! I am feeling extremely manic because I will do some traveling in the […]
I don’t know where to start.
I was chronically suicidal in high school, and even attempted it several times. Then, sometime in my early adulthood, I fell in love for the first time and stopped feeling that way. Now I’m almost 30 and I’m back to square one. I’ve been single for years, have gotten more and more depressed over the years, and finally I’ve come to the point where I’m seriously contemplating ending my life.
I’m a gay man. I’ve never really felt comfortable with the idea of being gay. I don’t relate to gay culture in any way, shape or form, and I’m not even […]
New to this forum. I just want to share my story as honestly as possible. It will be long so I apologize for that. I hope you read on.
It all started about 6 years ago. At that point in my life I had finally carved out an existence that was neither happy nor unhappy overall. I had a good job with very good prospects, as I was a co-owner. I owned a house, a car and had money in the bank. I had a fairly large group of friends. I was OK with my life, even though I was not truly happy.
Then out of the […]
I think last year was probably the worst year of my life. Although in retrospect maybe that was a good thing, since it forced me to make some changes in my thinking and perception and personal philosophy that ultimately have led to a much more satisfying and content existence. Sometimes its only when things get to their worst and a situation becomes intolerable that you actually find the motivation to make changes. A couple years ago I came to the realization that I was pretty much bored with everything and that I didn’t really care about anything. I took this boredom and apathy and convinced […]
Last night I tried to finish off my life. I’ve always thought about it and the other day I finally made a plan. I left my place and started walking. I began cutting pretty much right away and as I turned down a dark alley is when I took the first Vicodin. I felt it and didn’t like the feeling. I continued walking and cutting and I just started panicking . I finally broke and called my friend. She was going to let me go and I wasn’t going to let that happen. I managed to drag myself back to meet up with them. They […]
I used to love you. But you fucking broke me. I can’t have one normal conversation with another human, I can’t smile. Can’t laugh! Because you broke me. You ****. I hope you rot and are miserable for eternities. I used to only be suicidal, now that’s changed into homicidal. I used to be sad, so sad. That’s gone now. I don’t feel anything, except ANGER now. Pure hatred. I think if it was my choice to let you live or die, i’d finally smile, watching you burn. I fall asleep thinking about, I dream about it. Dream of your death. I fantasize over it. […]
I have been planning to go away permanently for sometime now. I had a practise run and everything is set up.
The way it was determined will not make much sense to anyone. What am I even asking? I don’t know.
They sent me to hospital last Monday. I had not been sleeping I was hearing a lot of commands seeing things in my room. But all this has happened before. I admitted to having attempted to end my life but I have bipolar and bpd and I think that they just see all that as symptoms of my shit.
So the next two days […]
I feel tired though I am not busy.
I feel old though I am just 16.
I feel broken.
What does this life really mean?
Sorry for my bad english. I hope I won’t be discriminated. I’ve been feeling depressed for a long time. I can’t find the way out. Telling what I feel to my parents and friends(are we still friends?)Its so difficult and weird. I’ve been telling that I’m lucky, so it is so sorry to express my reaI feeling. I’m sad doesn’t mean I’m not grateful. I have to fake a smile or a laugh to fit in when everyone’s happy. I […]
now I can spend more time thinking about how I’m falling apart without having to go through proxy websites to read the entries here.
That being said. I feel like i’m falling apart. I feel like i should be in the psych ward. I got a cut on my wrist but i don’t know how. I was washing my dishes on Sunday and I noticed it. it’s about an inch long and perfectly straight. I noticed because I’d started bleeding. I started looking at the my knives that i was cleaning to see if i had done it accidentally but i didn’t see blood on any […]
Everyone lies. People upon people pass us by, fake smiles plastered upon their lips, a reassertion of their so-called happiness as they walk down the rain-spattered streets. Lying is as natural in humans as it is to breathe.
So why am I constantly paralyzed by my secrets? Why am I haunted by the constant weight of the extent of my depression. There is not a single night that passes that I could not feel the cold claws of guilt eat me up. The air turns to fire in my lungs, suffocating me, burning out the life from right inside. The hands that hold me near and […]
Hello to all out there who are reading this. I have decided to post here my last thoughts. I had hoped things would get better, maybe even easier given time and space, but I unfortunately grow increasingly tired and weary of this world and path that I have found myself walking down. I guess I should write this all in a note for my loved ones to see, but I dont want them to see this side of me. I do not intend on leaving a note at all. I know what I plan to do is going to hurt many people, but why must […]
This is my first post on this website, I can’t really relate to a lot of people from this site other than the fact I’m depressed and often suicidal. I think about dieing everyday and what would people think of me if I commit suicide, I know I’m very selfish I have been my whole life, I guess because I was an only child and spoiled growing up,.. We’ll until I turned 18 and I left my parents house and moved out with a friend, I then really had no goals or direction so I started to slang drugs as a runner, with no real […]
I am a seventeen year old in my third year of high school. I go to a therapeutic high school, but my attendance is pretty erratic due to my depression, anxiety, mood disorder NOS, insomnia, and sensory issues. I fit the tortured poet cliche. I am recognized for my poetry regionally, which I cherish because it seems to be my only accomplishment in life. I am quite useless in every other endeavor (though I do have a talent for making up decent drinking songs).
I have been struggling with mental illness since the age of ten, though I was only diagnosed when I was twelve. Since […]
I see people most days that are suicidal. Thoughts, attempts, hospitalized.
I usually get them. Not all of their struggles but I do understand the struggle with death. I call it my dance with death. When the invitation. Becomes so strong and i just want to give over into the strong arms of death. I am exhausted. I am mostly able to see hope for others. But I struggle to find a space where I
can experience my own existence as bearable. I don’t see my life as worthless but unbearable. This constant undercurrent of not wanting to be. I go through times when suicide’s voice becomes a faint […]
Hey guys and gals , I know its been a while since I last posted on here and my life it feels like has been going on a downhill slope and no where fast…
I’m not sure if I mentioned this on my last post but me and my (now ex) bf back in February unexpectedly split right before Valentine’s day. No reason at all just happened through text out of the blue after him not responding to any of my fb messages for two weeks and then saying were better off as best friends. Bull Fuckin Shit! Maybe I saw it coming for a longer […]
Finally done with a horrible relationship and most of the pain that came with it. There are days when I still can’t believe that it has happened and that I am where I am. I am jealous that he has good things and I don’t I constantly compare my life to his. He was a horrible person and yet he has managed to move on find someone who accepts him and cares about him, has good friends, everything I want. I am a better person than him I feel like I deserve those small things more than he does and it is unfair. Someone told […]
I’m nearly 30 years old. I’m in a long-term relationship with a live-in partner. We live in an apartment in a house. I work from home and because of this I basically work 24/7. My partner works as a delivery man but only works about 5 hours a day. His hand is broken from punching a wall when he was angry. He uses his broken hand as his newest excuse to be lazy.
There’s a lot of resentment. He spends most of his money on marijuana. This is a daily occurrence. Any attempt to discuss this issue is met with fighting, me being to blame […]
Silence is the keystone in my life. It is the builder, the modifier, and the end result. It is the constant. It is a bit like Zero. Anything multiplied by It becomes It. It is undefined in division. It is the representation of Nothing, but It has more meaning than almost any other thing.
Everything returns to Silence. How can Nothing be so prevalent? How can Nothing be so important? Humanity chases the Silence of past generations and declares It history. Humanity chases the secrets hidden in the Silence of space. We always end up in Silence, one way or another. Perhaps It is the proper […]