hi, so I have anxiety and depression. I have just experienced one of my ‘depressing days’ and I just want to end it all. I spent hours listening to a song by Nathan Grisdale called ‘Too Young To Die’, then I cried non-stop. I can’t take this anymore please help.
My obnoxious buck-toothed dumbfuck brothers outed me to my conservative mom. I’m a transguy. I’m still figuring out myself, and I certainly wasn’t ready to tell anyone else. Plus my mom’s in a difficult situation herself – she’s depressed, anorexic, going through a divorce, etc. So it’s really ridiculous to burden her with my situation.
She told me I was an attention-seeker who needed to pray. I told her – and tried to be firm – that I felt confident and happy, dressed as a guy. She responded that it was a false sense of confidence instilled by the devil. According to her, no one in […]
I am the asphalt. You drive over me. Barley recognizing my existence. Composed of hard rock and soft tar. What do you see? I have many flaws, many pot holes. Is that all you notice? Still, I get you to work everyday. I suit your needs, your whim. I am around at 3am, when you feel a sudden need for chips and salsa. I am there the next day on your drive to work or the club. All you notice is the divot that inconveniences you. Your tire slamming into it. No harm done, an annoyance at best. You curse at me. Still, I will […]
Ever been so desperate for a change that you jumped head first into a bucket of bleach? Yeah. I got to that point. Desperately needed something new. What is it about small changes that makes me feel better for a little while? Why does that seem to hold me over for a few days? Its still me. So why does it make such a big difference in my attitude for a short time? I feel okay today. Even after waking up to heartbreaking news. […]
I have decided to go. My husband left me for the second time. I went all out to save him from domestic violence chargsd. I lied on the stand he never hit me; but the truth is he has never stopped hitting me or verbally abusing me. I have loved him truly n have gone all out. I risked my credibility, and the day charges got dropped he left me.
i pray this never happens to anyone but i also pray my pain ends soon. I have decided to take my life; after so many attempts of dying i am trying this nicotine ingestion.
I want to […]
Those familiar with my posts know that my fiancée and her three kids abandoned me and erased me from their lives completely. And that was after 5 1/2 years of complete and utter devotion to them.
The oldest and youngest knew their biological fathers. The middle child did not know hers. I first met her when she was 7 years old. Her mom and I started our relationship when she was 9.
At first she didn’t know anything about it, but when she found out, she couldn’t have been happier. Even though her younger sister’s dad had adopted her when she was 6, she never felt like […]
I can’t be angry at her, at least for no more than a flash.
Because the truth is, I’m angry at me too. I don’t like myself either. I get frustrated with me all the time.
But I’m going to fix it. I’m going to make it okay. Do you believe me?
I just needed to vent.
So today I was inviting people to something on facebook, and I just saw her face among my friends.
That sweet girl who used to be my friend on highschool and killed herself some years ago.
It’s kind of weird having her on facebook. It makes me feel… I don’t know how. Specially seeing her childish face when everyone else has become an adult.
It’s like if a piece of world had stopped moving. And there she is, being 19 years old forever.
I remember that I saw her a month before her dead. Even if our friendship didn’t have a good end and we hadn’t […]
I have lost the love of my life. The only woman I have ever truly loved and truly loved me. I waited 36 years for her to come into my life. She was my everything. Everything I ever wanted and needed.
I don’t understand why most people insist on telling me to “move on” and that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and other cliché nonsense like this. I am aware of this. I know I could get someone else.
Why do people not understand that I don’t want to find anyone else? Who could ever compare to her? She was not perfect. No one […]
I just can’t go on like this. Every breath hurts when I know I will never see her ever again. And yet every second of every day I long to be with her. Even if it is just one last time. I just want to see her beautiful face once again smile at me the way she used to when she loved me.
I know she doesn’t love me anymore. I cry for hours and hours every single day. I still love her with all my heart, no matter the pain she has caused me. She’s my entire life. Without her I have nothing left. My […]
So i left off with that abusive fuck i think i was on when i was 16. Okay so here goes part two….tried to get away..i started dating this othey guy i dated him for 2 years he treated me really good he helped me alot…i cheated on him though in the beginning of our relationship with the abusive fuck because he threatened to kill himself i talked to him tryed to make sure he was okay. I eventually told my bf what i had done he was really upset i dont blame him he didnt blame me either. I hated myslef though he was […]
They’re out again tonight.
Not that I asked to know what they’re doing, they still think it’s okay to tell me. Show me the life I walked out of. And maybe it is for some people, maybe some people can handle seeing what they lost.
I’d be with them if I was still there.
Or would I?
Long ago, when we first met I’d be with them. Then everything went downhill. Bits of me began to fall off the faster I went.
I’m not feeling particularly anything recently, I just feel dead. If that’s even a thing. If death could be felt. The absence of everything. The absence of caring. […]
I’m a piece of shit. All I do is manipulate people, all day, all the time. It’s so easy to get people to do exactly what you want. Working in sales, getting promoted at work, constantly getting people to lend me money, favors, it’s way too easy. I really needed money the other day so I told myself I would get this chick that likes me at work to offer me the money without even asking, it worked, and I walked home laughing about it. I don’t have the emotions I used to, it’s fuckn weird. Getting chicks into bed is probably the easiest. It’s […]
Funny, she once said to me that I must have an incredible life. She used to listen to me when I rambled on about traveling here and traveling there – she was young and I wore the mask well. Once again I was reminded that people really don’t know – the space between us is too grand. I was a hero to her and a joke to myself – I feared that if we hung out much longer she would see that I was just roadkill. How worldly was I – my well being hung on a thread at the corner of her smile. So […]
There’s a lot of posts that go through here, so I expect that the people who read this post didn’t read my earlier one… I promised to say something if I somehow didn’t go through with my suicide. Well, long story short, my ex-girlfriend stopped me, and said to me that she ‘loves me’ and ‘cares’ about me deeply. I knew in the back of my mind that she had to say that whether it was true or not, and my gut told me it wasn’t. However, my heart needed to cling onto anything in that moment to help me survive. After going to the […]
Well I’m 16 and i’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes academically speaking. And just in general. I decided to do online schooling one year in 8th grade because school was so stressful to me at the time. I failed the grade. This made me feel so bad about myself but I went back to school for a solid two years. Managed to pass both grades. Then now, this year, I just didn’t ever go. I had already made up my mind to just commit suicide. I concluded I would never amount to anything but thought, “Hey, I’ll give myself a little vacation first if […]
I’m contemplating suicide for and more. Sence I was about 13 I’ve had suicidal thought. I thought life was hard then. I’m 20 now. And I’ve thought of how I’m going to end my life everyday almost all day for the past month. I was addict of methamphetamines eight months ago. Now I’m on pills . it’s one addiction for another. I no hat for a fact. At 13 I was cutting then I went to getting tats .
In 2013 I love my grandfather…then my mother on Christmas eve night 2013. I use to have everything o ever needed. And now I’m literally nothing. In […]
This physical world is such a prison. Flesh is a trap. Latching claws of addiction from the earth holding me down in this false reality full of imitations and drones. What is needed to escape this realm? Drugs are so temporary and leave me worse tgan before.
Friend: If you had the choice, which super-power would you choose ?
Me: The power To-Be-Happy
Friend: Why ?
Me: We wish to become a Super-hero, like the ones who decorate our books, movies and comics, with their Super-natural powers. Their powers, is what we wish for: their ability to fly, be invincible, breathe fire, or extraordinary speed. Is speed needed when we need to slow down; why want invincibility when lack-of-acknowledgement is the root cause of our sadness; asking to fly when the ground is not understood is useless; breathing fire into a world that closely resembles hell –l is just plain sad. Asking for the Super-natural […]
I’ve been fighting this off for decades. I’ve had a couple of failed attempts not because I didn’t make a real effort but because something always happened to stop. Now, I’ve lost everything which I had gained and nothing left has any value except my children but that’s no longer enough. I want death and to be out fem this pain and suffering. The reasons are numerable but the answers are empty as to why to keep going. I just want out. I don’t know why I’m writing. I suspect it’s just to get through the next moments and maybe the day. If I can […]