Depression is usually caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. My depression is often triggered by negative thoughts. When I have a bad ride or receive a low grade on an assignment/test, I often begin to think of myself as a failure. I have been working on this with my psychologist. Instead of saying I should have done something, I try to apply to the future. For example, I will spend more time studying a specific chapter or section or I will work on keeping my horse’s attention. This way, I’m not beating myself up for the mistakes I have made. Instead, I’m learning from those […]
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negative
I am no longer myself. I remember how I used to be before seven years of depression. I used to be the most optimistic individual, but life has a way of fucking you over.
For starters, after years of hearing people say negative things about you, you start to believe. I am an eighteen year old mistake. My life was a replacement. My father was abusive and caused my mother to have a miscarriage. Their intention was to replace that baby boy, so I was born.
Throughout my years, I have heard this story so much. Eventually as my father extruded himself from our family domicile, I […]
I was just delt a bad hand where everything is a struggle for me. I just don’t see the good in life. I trained myself cognitive behaviors and programmed myself to continue to thrive to be productive against my own negative thinking. I have excelled in going outside my box but It’s so exhausting and Im still not happy. Still not any further than I was. There’s nothing wrong with me hating life as long as I’m productive in society. That’s what all the doctors preach right? I’m done pretending, I’m done putting up a fake face. I just want to be in a room […]
I feel terrible inside myself and I don’t think it’s going to go away. I feel like I’m just a bad person who generates negative and bad thoughts. I’ve seen people in bad situations, depressed because something bad has happened to them, but inside they are great and positive. They would want good things for themselves and other. I don’t feel like something like that. I feel like I’m the thing that causes all the problems that are in my life. Im the bringer of bad energy and I truly wish I was never born 🙁
I thought I was okay now. And then I was told by my sister that I really do tend to be negative and say negative things, and then I’m back to wanting to commit suicide again. I just want to die. I just really wanna die.
There is never a month that I do not have suicidal thoughts. And I think God is selfish to not let us choose to die. If there is even a God to begin with.
So ehm, this is my first time here but I thought it’d be a good idea using this instead of bottling it all up to myself like I have done for years. Growing up wasn’t the easiest, well I’m still growing up but when I was quite a bit younger, my mum met this guy, who wasn’t the best for her, my brother or I, we all thought he was so lovely at first, but then things started to get bad, he became abusive every once in a while but then I turned into everyday. He would never hit me or my brother but it […]
Do you ever just sit down, zone out, and think about how weird life is? I mean, we are all living off of our brain. Our brain controls what we do, how we behave. Our bones, muscles, skin.. Those are just the extras.
I’ve met someone. He isn’t the most loved guy in our grade. He told me he was scared. People are starting to hurt him PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY. He is so afraid of everyone. I’ve realized that so many people are so damn negative and I don’t understand anymore! It’s fucking 2015! How much longer do we have to struggle through this?
Today was actually great.
im feeling low right now but other than that I’m doing good today .
and it was so beautiful outside , and I got to see my love.
ive decided to find something I’m good at, or at least find a hobby .
i love jewelry, and stones, so I’m gonna teach myself how to metalsmith . It’s gonna take time and money, but doesn’t everything ?
Ive never had a hobby , or even if I did it was only for a short while . Instead of laying in bed every second of the day, I’m going to find something I love to do.
I really […]
I don’t know how to kill myself at this point. It’s cold again and like last year, I refuse to do anything that involves me being outside in the miserable freezing cold. But at this point I’d like to kill myself as a big “FUCK YOU” to everyone. I really want to delete my facebook all together. Why have it when I don’t have friends? It’s over with the asshole because -I- say it’s over. Real friends don’t constantly threaten to cut you out of their life unless you act like someone you’re not and pretend to be happy for them. That’s just being controlling. […]
These past few days I’ve been trying to stay as positive as I can. Thinking positive thoughts, trying to smile more (even if I don’t feel like smiling)But, it’s getting harder and harder to keep smiling, when all I want to do is the exact opposite. I try to say positive quotes in my head but it’s like my negative thoughts over power my positive ones, and I end up listening to them. How do I stay positive, when my mind is trying so hard to fight me? How do you guys stay positive? What makes you smile, when you’re depressed, and have no hope? […]
So I know some of you saw my earlier post… It was a negative little bugger, wasn’t it? I’m sorry for posting it. So, instead of being a Debbie Downer (heh), I want to impart something positive for the day. I know many, many people who dislike far, far too many things about themselves, whether they be mental or physical (myself included). So, I challenge those of you who have insecurities created by some jackass who told you that you weren’t good enough, etc., or insecurities created by some sort of self-loathing to look in the mirror and say something you love about yourself. Wether […]
Its hard.
Really hard.
Ever since I started to fuck up the only light that lead me out of that dark place.
Now that light is closer to me, though it feels a lot dimmer.
I fucked up. I fucked it up.
I killed it. I destroyed its own self and now im messing around with things i think I know to try and fix it.
I make the light dimmer.
I know i need to learn to be able to stand alone.
I can. Can I?
Is it really me all the time?
It is.. is it? I think it is..
Times have changed and the light […]
It is people with problems that have the solution to them (or alternative to ending it in our cases). What would you like to see patent pending for antidepressant innovation? I saw once on RT news word of a “euthanasia roller coaster” and was ….disturbed by it. But it got me thinking about an idea to soothe those evil thoughts of dying without riding a death coaster (no its not a real thing…yet). My invention would be a clip on nose ring that emits whatever smell calms you down… because who can be upset when there’s lavander in the air? But if that fails i […]
Hello everyone! I’m a newbie to this website, and I figured I should post a little something about me- so here goes nothing. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was in seventh grade. Ever since I was small, I has hyperaware of everything around me, spooking at the drop of a hat. This really fried my nerves, and I became even more introverted than I already was. I was also very ill as a child. I was constantly sick to my stomach, my limbs constantly trembled, exhaustion clouded my every turn, and I was an insomniac. My parents knew little to nothing […]
listen to this guy. his music got me through a lot of negative times. he himself is bipolar so if you are you could surely relate. he’s very complex to understand sometimes, but something in his music speaks to me. and his voice is just amazing
Okay guys I have a confession. I’m addicted to SP! It has been so much more active and so many new stories have been shared even ones that have made me smile and giggle a bit! You guys are bringing me happiness and it’s nice to be able to share these things with you all! I was having a really shitty night/morning but after sitting here and reading comment after comment and story after story my mind hasn’t gone to it’s regular negative state and instead I’ve felt more positive and happy inside just by seeing how caring and humorous you all can be. Thank […]
This is a type of rant I had to make to be more positive.bring more positivity. I hope whoever watches it, realizes that they’re here to do something. yeah we’re brought up with struggles for a reason. we have to deal with these negative things to grow. IT IS HARD. But commiting suicide is harder, because we put others at risk, in a physical and in an emotional way. this isn’t to offend anyone. I hope I don’t sound like that at least. love people.
Why is it so hard for me. I can’t find happiness in anything. I don’t think I could ever be happy. I hold on to things that I shouldn’t and if I find something that makes me happy, my mind reminds why I shouldn’t be happy. That voice that takes anything positive and turns into a negative. When I was younger I would pray to god and tell him to please please kill me in my sleep. I don’t think I could ever be happy. I used to tell myself “next year will be better,” I’ve said that for 5 years. I don’t think my […]
…or at least that’s how I think I feel
I’m so worn down and tired all the time now. I’m not usually one to commit to displaying how bad I feel but recently I just had at It on social media (Instagram, snapchat, etc) Eventually people took notice and started worrying.
My boss called me in for a chat recently to see if I was alright. She looked at me funny when I couldn’t give her a reason as to why I feel so horribly bad. People who don’t actually suffer depression don’t seem to understand that it’s not necessarily a combination of negative things that make […]
This is 2nd my post. I am not suicidal right now. But it still feels worse.
Yesterday I took the knife pressed it’s sharp end on my wrist. It didn’t cut. But it was the closest I came to hurting myself. Today I want to hurt myself but I don’t have the courage. I hope when I cut myself, the little cut will open and all the frustration and negative things go outside. There’s too much dark content inside me, that needs to get out.
Is it good that I think that cutting is better than suicide. Can cutting can relieve me off this desperation or whatever […]