You ever get tired of listening to advice that leaves you stranded on your own, doing battle against the pain in the darkness? Advice like “you gotta do it for yourself and not anyone else”
“no pain, no gain”
Even phrases like “have faith” can be conflicting, lonely and long if you are truly left on your own. Depending who you are of course.
People have been shoving that shit down my throat my whole life. “Don’t do it for anyone but yourself”
“You gotta live for you”
I don’t need to explain to some of you out there, that sometimes doing it on […]
Tag:
negative
I had a rough life since the day I was born i’ve been attempting to overcome hardships one after another after another with no break in between. I had my heart broken not once but twice by the same jerk of a guy. I had lost hope stopped believing in the possibility of anything good. Recently I realized, I forgive my ex and have truly let him go and all the feelings with him. That’s not to say that the memories are gone or that there isn’t pain, because there still is. I do want to love someone and be loved by someone a healthier […]
I don’t know what to do right now….
I keep telling my self that i’m not alone because i have friends to talk with but i still feel so alone….
I keep smiling at them tell them jokes show them that i’m happy but i’m really not….
I don’t even know if they really care about me….
I want to be notice but no one would notice me….
I feel like i’m giving up even if I don’t want to….
and sometimes i think “what if i disappear would someone care or search for me?”
and i keep thinking of these negative thoughts….
please help me i don’t […]
I’m failing school.
The past few days have been really, really bad. Whenever I study I feel this sense of hopelessness and I am unable to bring myself to believe that I CAN, that if I work hard enough, I CAN get an A…
I tried to stop binging and purging. Well I stopped purging but I couldn’t stop binging. That sucked because I got fatter. I guess you have to get worse before you get better? Maybe I don’t have enough patience in myself. But it really got me down. Because I feel like there’s nothing I’m good at anymore. Not music, I don’t believe I […]
Okay so I know I sound like I complained a lot in my last post but despite all that, I do have some upsides I guess I could share. If I find happiness in them maybe others will too.
#1(And my most important upside). Music! Music has always made me feel happy and I can’t help but get lost in it for hours singing along while I play video games or draw, which leads me to…
#2. Art. Drawing, painting, and writting help me calm myself down, usually because despite the fact that a lot of my drawings can be very […]
I really worry that nothing could be wrong with me. Unlike most people, I don’t experience typical signs of depression. I don’t feel inferior to others or feel sad all day. I just feel like there is no point to life, and therefore, I want to end it because I am going to die sooner or later, and nothing I accomplish has any inherent value. I have a generally negative outlook on life, but I also believe I am more aware of global issues than my family. My stepfather is a hotheaded, homophobic racist. My mother is quite the average see-what-I-want-to-see Christian. She’s wearing rose-tinted […]
And it seems to be the perfect time to kill myself.
Isn’t it better to end on a high note?
I didn’t believe in love, but someone has changed my mind.
I didn’t think I’d ever stop hating myself, starving myself, stop the mutilations, but I’m healthier and happier with my body and mind than I’ve ever been. I am beautiful and my body is a stubborn miracle.
I don’t want to watch it lose that, to experience my mind deteriorating, to slowly amass more people who hate me and more negative memories through my life.
It’s so much nicer to end it when I’m happiest.
There will be music in […]
I cant swim. Everything consumes me. I take every comment or action against me as a declaration of dislike. I dead end myself trying to get over anything. The grief and helplessness is a salve to my conscious. I see right through people. Their lives so empty. Doing such superficial things. I dont know how to involve myself in anything superficial. I cant be meaningless. I therefore don’t do anything and hate myself for it. My family loves me. But where I want to go they will never support. They are the only people in my life. The girl I love. I keep doubting myself […]
I like staying busy… When I am busy my mind can stay off all the negative things in my life. But when the music stops and it’s quiet. I find myself all alone… My mind goes into a whole another world…
i just wanna pop the pills and take one too many….
i just wanna fall sleep and never wake up…
but i fight these thoughts every night in hope that one day things will get better. I pray they will get better because of they don’t I am not sure how long I will last… I am only human…
I feel like I have this disorder. It’s not official now, as it had been removed due to controversy, according to good ol’ always-100%-trustworthy Wikipedia. Still, I just can’t help but wonder why people are so positive if everyone is going to die, and we all live just to be slaves to people that have more money or fame than us. I always think about whether or not I should or if I am going to off myself. I don’t do it, though, because I have the slightest hope that something good will last until the day I die, and I also feel that I […]
my mind is racing with all kinds of negative thoughts. therapy is getting hard and heavy. been feeling physically sick with the stress. i am in a very fragile state. been stirring up the shit in therapy and something big is lurking just below the surface. i don’t know what it is but i can cry at the drop of the hat. i am supposed to be trying hypnosis but at the moment it terrifies me. i am scared . something momentous is going to happen and no one outside of therapy knows it. i am withdrawing from family/friends because i just don’t want to […]
I’ve noticed something about this site. Maybe it’s not so much the site but the people behind the aliases – when someone posts here and we pick up the notion that they are serious about going through with ending their life or at the least in very significant pain and anguish we rally around them like elephants do when a pack member is in distress.
I don’t use the analogy of elephants in a negative way – in fact to the contrary. What they do is born of compassion, of high intuition and empathy; it is a matter of survival for all. Most of us are […]
To let go of all the bad shit in my life, or anything for that matter? Because I can never seem to let go of anything in life and I have no clue why. I had crappy friends that I stopped being friends with and yet they are still in my life I still give them opportunities, like wtf? But last night I realized this isn’t the life I want for myself. I want to be happy have good friends I want to be in love and be with someone who loves me. But I ruin that for myself I met this cool guy and […]
So tomorrow (US time, the 3rd) is my birthday… this morning i received a notification from what i have dubbed “the SP birthday bot.”
SP birthday bot claimed the “honor” of “drawing first blood” on birthday wishes.
The irony is potent.
Imagine… a person trapped in a life they wish had never occurred, who has frequented a suicide-centric website for over a year… receives a BIRTHDAY wish, from this site’s computer program (“bot”), prior to anyone else who has ever known me (aside from my mom and the older of my two half-sisters, with both of whom i share a domicile).
The first entity outside my residence, to mention […]
So, my mother posted an image on my facebook wall that went along the lines of, “We need to teach our daughters the difference between a man that controls you, and a man that looks out for her best interests, etc. etc.” It went on for several lines of teaching daughters the difference between this and that. Aside from the multitude of social issues the image presents, my response to the image was, “How about I just focus on my career and not put my self-worth into another human being. How about I measure my life and worth in accomplishments? Problem solved.”
She retorted with how […]
I am glad to have stumbled upon this safe haven where I can be as ruthlessly negative as I please. Sometimes it feels good to just let it out.
“You’re being selfish”, the words that any suicide debater wants to hear. Do they think this statement helps us. We already feel like a failure, or dumb, or fat, or ugly, or useless, but now we are selfish, thanks so much for the added negative title! In my perspective, they are the ones being selfish! They want me to keep living in this miserable world. They are not living my life, so to me they are the ones being selfish. I am already at a breaking point , does people dealing with a suicide debater, really think adding another negative title to my persona helps? […]
So, I’ve never used a site like this… I don’t know if this post will even publish, knowing my luck it won’t and I’ll have got all anxious for nothing. Okay, maybe I should start with the suicide story?
I don’t know what has led to me becoming depressed (or, as my psychiatric nurse calls it “in low mood, because depressed is such a negative word”) I’ve never suffered any traumatic experiences and I didn’t have a bad childhood. I can’t even pin point the first time I ever felt so low. I can tell you though that each time I hit a low point, it […]
I hate school, its one of the worst places. The people in my high school are idiots, they’re oblivious. Then again I’m too afraid to talk to others. I don’t mind learning but when I have to sit in rooms with people around me that don’t even see passed to door of the classroom, with lives so shallow my foot wouldn’t even be covered if I stepped in. It disgusts me, I find learning very easy, which is unfortunate because it just gives me more time to sit and think as if I don’t do it enough at home. I feel like a shell and […]
20. Female.
Do you know the pain of living every single day with nothing to look forward to or any plans? Its my life on a daily basis. A life of an invisible person.
Every day I live my life in isolation when I know there isn’t anyone in this world that cares. In the past I thought that I had “friends”. Truth is, they were acquaintances, not real friends. You know the type of relationship where you give a lot but you get minimum in return? Ive had too many of these.
I have no family so I never grew up with a family experience. […]