Alright, fellow depressed ones, back again to give y’all an update on my pathetic, miserable life. Last I posted, I went over a chunk of my life story and left off at my homeless predicament. As of now, I quit my job with a really abusive, corrupt oxygen company and I’m currently enrolled in college. I just had my first day of college today. As is typical of my life, nothing can go right. After two years out of state and a total shift in my appearance and personality, I ended up in class with bullies I’ve known since I was four years old. They […]
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new me
Well its been 14 days since the new year. I guess the only new me thing I started to do was cry myself to sleep, cutting, being dead inside after my life is superficially spent helping my best friend with her almost boyfriend. I can barely do anything. Work is my escape because no one knows, no one cares, no one understands me enough to know. I laugh and take care of the petty issues that exist in the restaurant world.
I want to lie to my therapist/ I already did, it’s just that she would worry. I just wish I’d die so i could not have to do any of this. I feel like nothing is inside. I feel like I can’t even die correctly. I feel like ice is just not new me. I feel like there are no words to this game i’m playing I feel like nothing matters and i hate it all. I feel like love is not enough. I feel like everything is wrong and there is no way to fix it.
When I get up from being down I always try to get a new start. Make myself different like a new man. I try to get a new start to erase my mistakes. The next day everyone sees me, notices me. This kills me since I just want people to forget me. Remembering me is remembering my failures. So now instead of a new me people see a new failure to be made. How can I hold my head up high when every can see my flaws? A reason I would hate to die is because before I’m forgotten everyone would bring up the worst […]
The silence is deafening at times, my heart is filled with pain, sorrow and loneliness. Heartache has once again settled in to stay for awhile. How many more times should I try love again, over and over, really whats the point? They say to have loved and lost is better than not to have loved at all! I say fuck love!!
So the new me.. Im not leaving home unless I have to, Im not speaking to anyone unless necessary. Im just going to stop caring about everyone including my family. I guess this is a forced silence, well not forced, chosen. Im choosing to stop […]
You know when I was depressed I always had this thought.
I always had this dream, this expectation, this thought.
That a person would come into my life and pick up my broken pieces.
That someone would help me off the ground and get me walking again.
Someone would wipe away my tears and dust me off and hold my hand.
That a human being would sit down with me and just hug me.
That someone would help me calm down and stop me from punching the wall and bruising myself.
Well guess what.
I’m fine now.
I am recovered and still recovering.
No one […]
Can’t believe I’ve myself again here. With a new face, a new body, a new name… a new me. Still the same old s* happens. It’s been years since the last time I was here. Can’t believe I’m actually back to be honest. I’ve been trying to avoid my reality, to not overthink it and I just realize that all I did was cheating myself. I’m broken again. I’m empty… again. And all I can think of is disappearing… I just want to be in peace. Am I ever going to get it?
Goodbye friends and people I may not know but I will be here if you need to speak just email me at melissawitch@hotmail.co.uk I will try my hardest to help you all out no matter what just give me that email and I will be here for you even if you want to rant at me I will listen to you and be here and any problems just tell me I know how depression is and loosing someone dearly to you but I must leave this site sorry to say I love this site and all the people on here the makers and the people […]
shall I do it soon or later? will you miss me when I’m gone or will you be pleased? tell me before its too late, I don’t get it no more will you build me up just to break me again like the old times? Am I a play thing to you because I’m your daughter I’m not like the others I’m different then her just because I grew up idolising her doesn’t mean i am her, it doesn’t mean I will be her it just means I looked up to her courage. I’m my own person now I’ve grew up a lot I’m not […]
With all the suicidal thoughts, pain from health wise, feeling hopeless, always depress etc I have learned to deal with the challenge I have been given. Instead of trying to take my life away I will try to save those who are thinking of ending their life. Yes its going to be heard but its worth a try and maybe for once I could say I did something, maybe for once at least I could say I’m proud of myself.