First failed attempt was Monday night I wasn’t feeling particularly suicidal but I saw an opportunity and took it.
Last night i took took a few bottles of sleeping pills but every time I would stop breathing I would jerk awake and concentrate on breathing. Needless to say it was a miserable night.
I just want it to be over.
So one night I was just like… it would be pretty cool to find other people who want to die at times, and just hang out for some reason. So I found this site, and decided to join.
I am 24 years old, living in Southern California and going to college… I won’t really go into why I wanted to suicide or other things, because it’s too long, sensitive, and kinda crazy. So I won’t for now… Unless I feel like doing it one night on private.
I really like music so I’ll try to share music with you guys.
Barely could sleep last night, if anythig other than water enters my stomach it will come out right after, i’ve been hiding from my family as i don’t want them to see my teary eyes, it’s 10:30 pm it seems to get worst at night, the only place i feel safe is the living room i can’t even go to bed.
So I have posted I fell in love for the first time with my ex boyfriend. He went to work one night and never came home and he had another gf. He blocked me everywhere and said he never wanted to talk to me or see me again.
Tuesday night he sent me a txt that said “?” I did not respond because it’s been so long but I did check and I was blocked by him but could get on his gfs profile. And they were still together and happy according to her
this morning I woke up to a missed call from him. I didn’t […]
I am theloser102. The one and only loser in my sovereign city.
On November 21st, 2015 at 11:00 PM at night, I decided it would the perfect time for me to finally find peace. I went to the area with lots of trees near my house and used a rope I bought. For the sake of following the rules, I’ll leave it at that. The aftermath however……
My suicide did not work, even after three tries. The only damage that was done was a few rope burns on my neck and a little bleeding, I couldn’t believe it. I ensured everything was well tight and was highly […]
Everyone knows me as a cheery girl. They want to be me because they think I have no complications in my life. But it’s funny, because they don’t know anything about my life. Yes, I tell them funny stories that really happened in my life but that’s what they all know about my life. They don’t know how I am going through depression. They don’t know how I am crying at night over everything. They don’t know how it’s so hard to force a smile and fake a laugh. I always put on a mask of happiness of mine everytime I’m with them but there’s […]
Gah I’m so tired of them! All day all night my emotions change by the minute… I though I was getting better 🙁 But I seem to have only gotten worse. I just want to be strong for my loved ones (you guys are of course included) you know? I want you all to know that I am here to help, but if someone needs to lean on me for strength and I crumble… I couldn’t forgive myself. How do you deal with the voices in your head?
This just doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve always been a very independent person who never really needed anyone. But now that I’ve lost him, it hurts so much to see his face everyday for almost 2 hours and everyday we make eye contact. It’s like we know nothing about each other, we went from lovers and best friends in one to nothing. We know everything about each other. I miss him, the late night conversations, and just the simplest things remind me of him. The way someone says something or the places I go. It bothers me, feels like I’ll never get over him. […]
Shit I should have stayed at work if I’d have had any idea this would be a night of screaming and hollering about Lady Gaga and other anorexic girls and “how good” it looks when you can see every bone in their skeletal bodies! It’s like I truly don’t exist and I’d be my fucking paycheck I’ll be spending my birthday alone because he’s probably getting girls left and right now.
Shit, I’m getting to the point I wish I hadn’t ever met him. It’d be so much easier to go on thinking that Jamie (from Twiztid) was the hottest guy on earth. Shit, he’s famous […]
I need to get the hell out of here.
Friend #1 called the cops on me and told them some lie about me wanting to do some murder-suicide shit to my boyfriend. I got mad at her, and she told everyone around me that lie. Because how dare I get upset, how dare I swear at her for calling the cops out of nowhere and in the middle of the night.
Now my neighbors think i’m a danger to their children and call them inside everytime I leave my house.
Then there’s Friend #2. He walks up to me at work, accompanied by his buddy, and […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Well its less than 2 weeks away till thanksgiving the beginning of the holiday season and I am single for the first time in two years, feeling depressed from the overwhelming load of classwork and haunting thoughts from this time last year. I just feel so alone . To the point that I honestly think its pathetic. I mean I know I’m extremley pretty, nice, loyal, funny , hardworking and yet I am still here alone. I mean its bad enough that I sleep with the tv on just so I have a little bit of company at night. I am trying hard to stay […]
I heard this song on the radio again this morning. Last night, I was contemplating whether I’d do “it” now, I just fell asleep crying. Now I’m on my way to school with this song stuck in my head, it kinda makes me feel better. So yeah, Have a good day! 🙂
(i don’t know if the video would embed, i’m on mobile :P)
Just wanted to share another one of my favorite songs before I go to bed. I hope you all have a good sleep (if it’s night time where you are) , and good morning to all and I hope you have a good day .
That’s nothing new… hundreds of YouTube trolls told me that long ago. Anyway, I begged and kept on about trying to hang with the guy I like and I’m at the place he’s living now and about 8 people live here. Naturally there’s not much interaction and I’ve talked more to the other friend who does graphics design for a living and we compared work and gave tips to each other. And I’m staring at him like the piece of meat he is. Like a fat kid looking into a bakery when it’s closed for the night… looking at him and being unable to deny […]
I’m now at rock bottom and admit defeat!
My friend thinks I have post natal depression on top of bi polar and anxiety.
i can’t look after my babies properly, I’m exhausted from them both being up all night. I’m home alone all day with them, with 4 kids my house is a mess, dishes need washing, laundry need sorting but I can’t leave the babies as one climbs lots and the other screams. I’m lonely as my friends have older children and are studying or working, I fail as a mum , I’m really struggling and just don’t want to be here! Seriously what kinda mum […]
Her eyes shine bright in the unnatural light of this night. A smile from her lights my skin alight. We fight and fight, but it ends up alright. Two souls, drifting through life like a kite in the wind. One smile, and I’d trade my sight for the might those blue eyes provide. Am I right to ride, this miracle of life? After I lied and lied while the old me died. I thought I could confide, but with every revelation there was naught but hesitation in her eyes. Those eyes, those lips, they provide what I nee to survive. A purpose behind this useless […]
I really need some help, i know i posted last night, i dont feel any better, is anyone there?
Scream into the night
Scream for the right
Scream for those who cannot
Scream for those who fought
Scream for those without sight
Scream, for there is no light
Scream for those who hurt
Scream for those beneath the dirt
Scream for those who lied
Scream for those who cried
Scream for those whose tears run red
Scream for those that wish they were dead
Scream for the terror
Scream for the horror
Scream for the might
Scream, for you have lost the fight
I had several really good days.. Until last night
Today is another day, I can’t shut my brain off, the thoughts circling around in my head I want to die.
Why don’t I just end it because I know how this works, I have a few good days and then they turn bad, very bad. I feel like the good days aren’t even worth living anymore because I never know when my mind is going to switch. I hate everything. I hate living like this. This isn’t a life, it’s just full of pain.
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