last night, in a desperate and drunken attempt to end my life, I tied extension cords around my neck about 10 times, tightening them, hoping they would cut off blood supply to my corotid artery. Welp, just like last time guess who da fuck showed up? That’s right! My aunt. She just happened to be down in the basement and knocked over something, then went into my room to say she’s sorry. Then she looked at me and removed my blanket to see I had cords tied around my neck. At least she was cool enough not to call the psyche ward. I went up […]
Tag:
night
i don’t understand how people can be there one day and then all of a sudden they’re gone.
It’s not fair that we should talk every day for weeks on end and create this beautiful friendship where we are open and honest with each other and then lose it all. And for what? We got together and I spent the night at your house and we stayed up talking and kissing and, to put it in a word, caressing one another. Then when I admit my feelings to you, you shoot me down. It’s cool if you don’t want a relationship, I can live with that. […]
Sometimes i wanted to end up this socalled life, sometimes im so scared about death, about the hell we sorta know less about.
and every night, like EVERY NIGHT, when i think about loads of worries, and all those problems of the years ive been thru i feel like shit, i dont know but i think its the uncertainty, which scares most humans, i dont know what am i doing tomorrow, my hearts pounding so loud, yet sorry not fast, thats the point which scared me like hell, i thought id die every single night, freaking creepy and i wont even kno im dead the other […]
I don’t know how I can stay afloat in a world that is so harsh and cruel. I can’t seem to pretend, like everyone else, that it’s okay, that I’m okay. I can’t “suck it up.” If I try that, I eventually explode, which is basically what happened last night at work. I’m too weak, too sensitive. No place in the world for someone like that. Even in nursing there is so much bullshit to go around. I just don’t belong anywhere. My efforts are for nothing.
I tried collecting my thoughts as they come in pairs
An overwhelming feeling followed by emptiness,
As im searching for the signs between intersections in my mind,
I trace back to questions left behind
That led me to a line between certainty and confusion
When I can’t tell the difference between
When I can’t see the difference it seems
What holds me together
What breaks me down
What pulls me under
What keeps me alive
This are the thoughts that keep me up every night
And I can’t help but be consumed by this
My thoughts derail and collide with insecurities,
Like crooked teeth I lose my place, […]
Your love left me long ago
But I buried the bricks of this house that your sadness once built,
Though you branded your name into my heart, so I could love no other
I still feel the long lasting burn of our last night,
Your silhouette,
It still has the same effect, but of course you dont know that though
Departed, no grace, should I let you go?
We never could find eachother in the dark,
I guess we were hiding from each others past,
I guess we’re hiding from one another,
We don’t need to run anymore
I dreaded even heaven when it comes to […]
i have cut for along time but my boyfriend is starting to get on me about why? how come i wanna die? i know that i feel fat nasty gross annoying! i feel like im always in the way! life is kicking me in the butt!! i grew up at a young age and i had to always be strong but now i dont sleep at night!! i feel alone all the time! but i dont wanna talk to people about my issues because i feel that they are stupid and i shouldnt be freaking about them! i dont know how to feel! can i […]
I lay here all night and morning till the sun comes up. The light hurts my eyes now I’m so used to being alone in the dark and enjoying the quiet that I hate so much. It’s not that I like being alone it’s all I’m used to. How do you go about changing that? Make friends, get into a relationship, go outside and live a little? I can’t anymore, I’ve lost my connection with the rest of society it’s just me, my bed, and my thoughts. I don’t even want it to go away anymore I just want it to be quiet forever. I […]
Same shit different day as they say in modern society. People like us just can’t say that anymore. I feel that I would rather the pain than just nothing. I am more a mindless machine than anything. Hour by hour. Day by day. Endless pain and suffering. If there IS light at the end of this tunnel, this is a long ass tunnel. But it seems darker and more inforgiving than 2012, when I thought I could beat this thing. To all who read this, just remember, we are not ill. We are REAL!! We are considered to be wrong for seeing the world in […]
Haven’t been on in a while, but here’s a thing from forever ago. Memories are bittersweet.
You’re my weapon of choice when I need to be defended. You’re the stronger side of me when I feel like breaking. You’re the tougher one of us when I can’t fight on. You have the sharpest tongue when my words fail to come.
You’re a source of comfort when the world is harsh. A shoulder to cry on when hope seems lost. You’re someone to hold when I feel alone. A sound voice when I’m out of control.
You’re a flower in the snow trying to survive. You keep your head […]
and it’s so painful to see you in such despair.
That this must be our cross to bear, what brings us together as perfect strangers. The black dog on our shoulder. Wish it could be anything else for all of us.
I spent all night last night reading through posts and comments. When I came in I was crying for myself, hoping not to feel the end of my rope once more. I went to bed crying for others, hoping they can somehow find their way back up their rope, and if not, that they can find in death the peace they so crave and deserve. I […]
I figured since this is where we met that it’s only fitting that I write you something beautiful here. Everything comes full circle and I pray that as I let you go – you will come back to me at the right time. I do love you but you are in love with someone else. You say you still love me but your heart is in his hands right now. I hold onto you in an unhealthy way right now. I hold onto parts of my past for comfort and security instead of setting my sights on the limitless possibilities ahead of me. My […]
So here I am, an eighteen year old boy on a website designed for sad teenage girls and I’m expected to talk about the “perks” of being me? Okay fine if it will keep her happy and I’ll be able to come out more often then FINE I’ll write! Hm some perks? Well, I had a milkshake last night so that’s cool or whatever. Man I don’t think I can sit here and pretend there are perks to being myself. I can’t even be myself! I’m 18 and a boy and I’m trapped in a woman’s body, let me tell you going to the bathroom […]
Does anyone want to chat? Idk i just can’t go to sleep 🙁
The one truth
I can count on
Because you have been there
Through years
Day and night
The only one that has remained
Change does not alter you
Neither time nor place
Desperation is my dark friend
Despair my only constant
The leaves blow gentle through that quiet night,
ever buffeted by the interminable winds,
tossing them back and forth.
Cessation never comes, nor therefore reprieve,
those veined, paper-thin sheets of matter
those had been once unified in life, now dying in separation
bare no word or action to tell of their torment
for true silence is their only comfort,
and, upon destruction, their only reward.
They live, they die.
And, somewhere in between, they suffer.
I glanced up at my alarm clock, the time was 1:13 am. It was time to go. I put my shoes on and got my jacket. I creeped slowly down the stairs and took an apple from the kitchen and put it into my pocket. Downstairs I pulled out the nail that holds the windows in place and crawled outside. It was a nice night, quite calm and the moon was bright but obscured by clouds. I walked up the side of the house that I lived in and started pissing behind a tree. I looked up the road a bit and admired how the […]
as the days go by i feel smaller and smaller and suicide seems more appealing. every day i feel like dying and every night i die, in a way. the only thing that keeps me hanging is my poetry. nothing else. not my girlfriend, not my soon-to-be-born baby boy, nor my friends and family. i feel like i got nowhere to go, i’m trapped inside this hellish reality and i don’t have the mental strength to break through it. i would’ve probably kill myself if my poetry was already published, but it’s not. hence i won’t kill myself. not until my words will light the […]
i am inexplicably tired of everything in my life right now. i am tired of everyone depending on me to be there for them, shouting their problems to me, as if i am strong enough to carry all of their weight plus mine. i am tired of old memories coming back to haunt me and the fear i feel, i am tired of the realness of all of my feelings and thoughts. i am tired of keeping everything about my identity a secret to those who “love” me. i am tired of the overwhelming feelings of loneliness i feel at night as if no one […]