Is it weird that I want to die? I don’t really know if it is. For about a year I’ve been debating my life. Do you want to die or do you not? I do want to die. I want to die because I am socially awkward. I want to die because I have no future. I want to die because then the pain would be over. But I don’t want to die because then the pain would be over. Is it weird that I enjoy crying every night, that I enjoy my heart aching every second, that I want to die. I am full […]
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night
I’m 16…..I’ve tried to kill myself 6 times this year, each time i tried something has stopped me. after the second time i told a teacher, she then helped me tell my dad, and from there i went to a psychologist, got diagnosed with depression, and got medication….
it hasn’t helped. i still want to die, still feel like crap every single day….i was going to kill myself last night….
But some stupid little voice in my head remindede of my best friend, who has told me that she would miss me if i died -she’s the only one…
i hate living, its so pointless…
sorry for […]
Hi, so this is my first post. I stumbled across this website when i was googling how to cope with this world that i hate so much, all the answers were bogus and I think that this website will maybe make me feel more alive? Basically I’m very sad with reason, i guess? I know that people have it so much worse than i do, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that i want to commit suicide or leave society, which would lead to me being picked up by a middle-aged psychedelic man looking to fume me with drugs.
I want to runaway, and i have […]
I’ve suffered more pain in my 19 years than most endure in a lifetime. I’m so tired of going to bed every night hoping I won’t wake up, only to do just that and have the pain reply itself. No one in my life cares or even notices. I’ve attempted to end it once before, but I woke up in a pool of my own vomit instead. I tried to move on from suicide, but my life is a void. Nothing but lament can fill it. Everything jut seems so unease for me right now an I can’t stop this pain I’ve been feeling, it hurts […]
It feels like the only way to get people to care is if your dead or in critical condition man I swear if I had a gun id blow myself away.i just got out out of the er for trying to kill myself twice in one day. They let me in the morning and by night time I was back and they let me go again.the reason im upset though is cause the psychiatrist said my problems are not considered a crisis. I dont usually speak up for myself but I wish I had told him to go fuck himself.i have put off suicide attempts […]
beautiful song.
Tonight is the night. Im going to be in heaven. People have really showed me they dont care. So here it is no more bull shit. Im done with everyone. My boyfriend doesn’t act as id he cares no more. So here is to him. I loved yiu more than anything and you didn’t realize it. I didn’t want to break up and I no we didn’t but even if you didn’t care you could have acted like it. I no im not much.and every girl has trust issue. Especially when you give them a reason. I have them but I’ve tried my best to […]
Last year I suffered from depression. It wasn’t all typical teenage problems. Sure I was having friendship problems but it was mostly at home. At home I felt neglected and unwanted. Whenever I would cry my family would just call me a baby and laugh at me
I was already having suicidal thoughts, but there was only one time that I planned to go through with it. This one night my whole family was out at dinner together when I started crying. I wasn’t like sobbing or anything just silent streaks. But to my aunt it was like I was a hysterical mess. She yelled at […]
I don’t know what’s happening with me !! I’ve been having thoughts about harming myself and thinking that life would be better with out me …the last few months have been awful I’ve lost weight , not eating , just sitting alone .. All my friends left me, my family is mad at me !! I just don’t know what to do .:: last night was the first time I cut myself ..:but I’ve came to realization that I don’t need to do that ! I need help please someone help me !
how do you feel knowing you’re the reason somebody can’t sleep at night
how do you feel that you ruined a little girls life
you probably wouldn’t recognize me
but you grabbed at me with your filthy hands
and I’ll never be clean again
i can’t live with it
I am brand new to this site. Brand new. This is my first post.
Happened to stumble across seppuku’s comment about being the golden child. I can relate, too. Growing up, I was successful at everything I tried. Now, I am worthless in the eyes of my parents and older siblings.
I am almost 34. I am female. Married. Clinical Depression. Tried ECT. Tried everything it would seem. The only thing that worked for me was 425mg of Effexor combined with the lowest dose of methylphenidate (a form of ritalin), but then the night terrors started where I would put out three changes of clothes a night, […]
I was really hoping to just slip away in my sleep last night but, like most things in my life, im just not that lucky. It used to be nights were the toughest for me. For some reason now, its mornings. I hate waking up with no one around. I hate the fact that I cant see my girls faces before leaving for work. They are always the first thing on my mind. I wake up in tears missing them. Why cant I just escape.
My favourite quote: ” If you don’t understand mental illness, good. Good for you. You shouldn’t have to understand. If you don’t understand why some people can’t get out of bed in the morning, good. I hope you jump out of bed ever single day; ready to take the world by storm. If you don’t understand how someone could drag a blade across their skin, good. I hope you’re never that desperate to feel something. If you don’t understand what would drive a girl to keep starving herself despite everything she’s lost in the process, good. Stay heavy & present & real. If you don’t […]
I have prevented my self from preparing for my death many times but today it feels stronger. I feel like getting up at this very moment and getting what i plan on using to end myself. I feel sad that this night (or shall I say early morning) could be the moment I final do it. Each time I have these thoughts of preparation I always look online for a place to talk to someone just to know someone is there. I have lost so many friends and just want someone to know what I have been feeling and what I plan to do just […]
March, August first.
Another block.
If by chance, by tomorrow night.
I thought, now all that is left.
To the death.
Rendered in shredder.
There are no souls on the black side.
Like the bat, face your fears.
No matter, I will go.
From underneath.
Drag my own chain.
Rubble, run away to zero.
The table and the plant, welcomes.
From the ground, the old man says.
There’s yellow-***.
Tourbillion, the air disperse.
I was never there, my life never existed.
The forever melancholy.
To destroy “Babylon.”
Grace of death; resurrect.
Welcome to the funk.
So I posted a few night ago about my situation and now I feel worse. I stood up to my bf and he admitted to me that he was no longer in love with me anymore after 2 months of hiding it from me. And I knew something was wrong and he kept calling me crazy. And I’ve been depressed for so long now I’m sitting at home locked in my room staring at a bottle of pills wondering if I should swallow them or not. And it’s not because of my now ex bf. It’s because I’ve had so many fucked up things in […]
A child alive,happy
A beautiful child to love
A child corrupt,in tiny increments
What made her trample childhood
She tore it from herself ,it was constricting
She threw it away,then came back to burn it
Be Gone forever,for no good reason
She broke their hearts,she broke the window
She fled their eyes,their words,their love
She cut herself on the shattered glass,stepping through
The first cut of thousands to come,she glanced back
Her childhood still smouldering ruin,she ran into night
Trailing disregard ,reckless abandonment
Her first victim,her favorite victim
Herself
I went down to my grandparents house. They were nothing but loving and generous. My grandpa gave me a 2012 GMC canyon….I love him so much. I’m always doing something there. going to church. working the food pantry. I even spent the night at the church with a homeless family project. We go to lions club meetings. We always have breakfast lunch and dinner. it is absolute paradise. Today was my first day home. I’ve already contemplated self harm multiple times. No body missed me…they made sure I knew it. The dining room looks like shit (I cleaned it before I left and its been […]
I can see it in the dull yellow streetlights glaring off the sidewalk at night, and I can smell it in the exhaust fumes from passing cars
I can see it in my parents’ creased faces, and I can see it behind my friends’ glassy eyes
Despair
Desperation
Abandonment
Loss of hope.
I’ll run from it until I’ve taken another hit, until I’ve taken another shot, until I can’t be any more numb than I already am
But it’s always lurking right around the corner
Despair
Desperation
Abandonment
Loss of hope.
Hi guys, it’s been some days.
I’ll confess I actually forgot about the SP for some days, and a few days ago I realized I hadn’t logged on in a while. I was kind of shocked, my shock suprised me. Does that mean I actually forgot about suicide for a few days? I did actually. No random thoughts, no dark voices, it had actually been a few peaceful weeks. But does it actually mean I forgot about it? I don’t think so, but it does show me that I can distract myself and have peace, and that makes me hopeful. I think I’m doing okay. I’m […]