Wings of healing, wings of health,wings of love, Angels embracing me keeping me from myself. O holy beings i’m sending a message in despair, enfold me in love.surround me in light. Let no darkness through not even at night. Archangels protect me ,devine angels reveal a path that is plentiful in love,bliss, and cheer. Don’t leave me to wander in this barren estate. Surround me, protect me, love me. And if this can’t be accomplished in an expeditious way, separate me from this vessel, this body, this pain.”
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It’s that time of night again, when I am wide awake and all the rest of you are asleep.
SP is so quiet I can hear the sound of my disturbing thoughts rattling around like a tin can in a dark alley. The alley everyone knows you need to stay away from if you value your safety.
So many of us have been gone lately.
I miss AlanOminous, I miss ToTrees, I miss Mf.
I miss those of us who have gone, possibly gone forever.
And […]
What happens when you’re young and optimistic,
But you grow old forget to be opportunistic?
What is it when you’ve loved and you’ve lived,
But now you hate and you’ve lost?
What do you do when you want to die at any cost?
Is life worth it if you’re not thriving at it?
All I want is happiness, why aren’t I striving for it?
Is it too much to ask, for this smile to be real?
It’s just a front, a face to conceal.
These tears flow like a river,
They come running out every night, as I shiver.
Why can’t I do it, just […]
I was contemplating suicide, it still exists in the back of my head. A lot of days I have to fight with myself to keep me from cutting myself. The cutting would silence the voices in my head. Sometimes I think I was doing the cutting as practice for cutting my wrists. Every night I wish it to be my last night breathing. I pray to God every night that he will make it my last. Now on Sundays when I go up for communion I ask God to end this life I call living hell. The only good thing about going to work is […]
“Polaroid”
I’m a reckless mistake
I’m a cold night’s intake
I’m a one night too long
I’m a come on too strong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufegdUMASzM
All my life I’ve been living in the fast lane
Can’t slow down
I’m a rollin’ freight train
One more time
Gotta start all over
Can’t slow down
I’m a lone red rover
I’m a hold my cards close
I’m a wreck what I love most
I’m a first class let down
I’m a shut up sit down
I am a head case
I am the color of boom
That’s never arriving
At you are the pay raise
Always a touch out of view
In the beginning
They were just two kids
One lived with depression
The other lived in bliss
They found a new feeling
On June 26
Their world changed forever
After the first kiss
Months passed
At times life felt jaded
But they knew
They couldn’t be separated
Throughout their time
Love never faded
Storms came
But always dissipated
Colors vanished
On this one day
He could see red blood
But the sky turned grey
His angel had left
He started to decay
Sweet lovely death
She flew away
The still young child
Wept through the dreamland
He was walking alone
Though he could barely stand
He felt something […]
I went to see uncle Tom, because our sicknesses are the same.
I never thought of that before, is genetics to blame ???
So I asked how do describe me, because words I can’t find.
He looked at me and smiled, and said you have an un-quiet mind.
An un-quiet mind ??? I’ll be damned you’re right.
That’s always been my problem, no peace in sight.
From the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, and all the time in-between
All of the noises and voices, I just wanna scream.
But screaming won’t […]
Last night, I had the most difficult attempt at sleeping.
I had booked a Motel to saying weeks prior with the intention of forcing myself to be social and go to an event at a bar. But as time grew closer, I was contemplating suicide.
Thursday 4/14/16
I was afraid that the room I had booked would be my last night. I thought of buying a rope but was afraid of being judged, so I decided not to buy it. I checked in and bought an egg sandwich and alcohol. I took a xanax and began to drink. I walked to the bar and the place was deserted. […]
I have been a cluster survivor since 1984, episodic for the first 25 years and chronic for the last 6, since 2009.
Nothing can be done for the pain …… main aim is to control the attacks (4-6 a day at the moment) and the duration.
Suicidal thoughts are never far away ….. but every day and sometimes several times a day ….. I get through it to fight another battle with this terrible illness.
I surround myself with pictures of the people I love and all the reasons to stay alive ……. and for me it works, well up to now anyway.
Constant stress […]
I have an English class at 8AM 3 days out of the school week. For the last 10 or so minutes I’ve been sitting outside the door trying to decide if I should go in or not. I actually like writing, and I was especially looking forward to working on the last essay, which is essentially a reflection piece with yourself as the main source. The professor’s a really great guy, too. He’s really understanding and wants all of his students to do the best that we can. But I’ve only completed one out of the four essays that we’re supposed to be doing, and […]
I swear my head feels like the fucking bomb in Enola Gay…
I got buried in over my head in appointments, deadlines and the likes during these last few weeks.
Coupled with that never-ending nostalgia feeling, it gives me sudden sharp pains in my temples.
I was literally one step away from having a complete mental breakdown today. I woke up, and as soon as I noticed the dawning sun on the early morning sky, I started crying… Instantly. I bashed my head against the bed several times until I spent the only bit of energy I had at the moment and just stayed like that for a […]
See, my mind is like a sift.
Every movement causes just a little bit more of me to fall through the holes.
Just as you did.
We weren’t close by any means but for some odd reason,
Your death took a part of me with you.
I can’t help but think back to that night when
You were nervous and I was busy.
Why was I busy?
You texted me but my mom took off with my stuff.
I didn’t get your text until well after midnight.
By then, it was too late.
You weren’t dead for a few more years but it was that moment, wasn’t it?
You decided that another move […]
Hi. I haven’t used this site in a very long time. Long enough to forget my password and to have to create a new account. I came here cause I felt alone. Wanted to die. Shocker I know. But I came across this post. A party post. I can’t recall the user who held it. But it made me feel apart of something. Feel included. More than I had in a long time before. I feel awful for not remembering the user. That user and others impacted me greatly that night. I’ve looked thru the site for that post again but couldn’t find it. Deleted i’m […]
I know it’s not just me that has problems and I’m pretty sure my problems are so small in comparison to what other people have to go through every single day. That’s what makes me feel so guilty every time I cry at night about my life and my wish to just die and leave everything and everybody behind, especially those I love. That exact guilt is what stopped me when I tried to dehydrate myself and yet I still feel guilty, for betraying myself by not actually passively killing myself.
Looking at you Al, its on triple J at 4:15am and making me feel a hell of a lot happier as i sit out front in the night looking at nothing but sky and sitting in despair…
But now with good tunes on its a chill nite
My first post on here was in April of 2015. It is now April of 2016 and I am back on checking this website for the first time in months. I wish I could say that time healed me, but I cannot. I am doing better some days but I know that is because I rarely leave my house or my room. I turned 20 at the end of March. I needed that birthday. It was a good day. I still want to die. I still think about it regularly. I’ve been getting out of the house a little bit more now. I actually have […]
I promise tomorrow I’ll be active and try my best to help you out in any way I can, but I’m having a really shitty night rn. I already took my meds and even had a reiki session, as well as meditation, but I still feel in the edge of a panic attack. Just wanna get the hell out my mother’s house. Wish i had somewhere to spend the night.
I prayed for all of you earlier.
Hope you’re doing fine.
oh lord, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore
I got way too drunk last night because I haven’t been able to eat anything all week. Only had a few drinks but I was still stumbling
party hopped across the city, ended up a drunk crying mascara and nose running whimpering mess in my (extremely recently) ex boyfriend’s roommates room with amazing and way too nice friends holding me. broke down because I found out he had taken a girl home last night even though we broke up less than a week ago (1.5 year relationship, pretty long time for a 21 year old)
took my friend home, […]
You never forget that smell, no matter how long you go with or without it, it’s always there in your memory banks. Waking up that dark Friday morning in a hotel room just down the road from the Sky Tower, I looked across to see her cuddled up against me — our bare bodies covered only by a single sheet as the heat from the night before kept us snug and warm. But the smell of sweet, sweet love just so happened to pierce my nose, and with it came an epiphany of sorts. Could my future really lie within denouncing the one value I’ve […]