i am totally alone and lonely .. I have no friends at all have no one to talk to or to see or anything else
I’ve lost all my friends for my boyfriend who had left me .. alone !
today wasn’t any better than the last whole YEAR and a half .! duh.!
I want to do something to be alive but I have nothing in mind
I want to be new when 2016 comes
I want it to be a new year not another copy of 2013 becouse after 2013 all the years was just a worst copies of it .! I want […]
Tag:
no one
Hello loves 🙂 So I haven’t been feeling exactly chipper lately, and I think I’ve found something helpful.
You can go somewhere you think no one will hear you, or you can just stay in your house. Grab your pillow if you want to try and muffle the sound- but I recommend just letting it out.
Now, take a deep breath (haha see what I did there) and just scream your freaking head off.
Now I don’t mean a half assed yell- I mean a fucking battlecry against everything you’ve ever faced as a challenge or a foe.
Just a suggestion
I always knew I never mattered. So what’s happening now shouldn’t be a surprise.
I had to get away from home. I couldn’t run away and it wasn’t the time to commit suicide just yet.
I hid in the cupboard. Its nearing my 6th hour in here and no one realised I was gone. They sat at the table for dinner without me and chatted and laughed, never noticing my absence. I guess it doesn’t matter.
My father (biological) told me today that he got married. Since last Friday. I didn’t even know he was engaged. I guess I didn’t matter enough for him to tell me.
Maybe he […]
Maybe I would be different if I had someone to speak with. Someone that I trusted. Unfortunately for me, fortunately for others, I don’t.
But I guess that’s fine. No one ever cared anyway.
I am such a coward. I wish I would just be brave enough to forget about everything and die. But im a coward and I hate myself even more for it.
I wish I could be happy.
I wish I wasn’t a failure.
I wish my mom would stop telling me that I don’t make her proud.
I wish my dad didn’t walk out of my life before it even started.
I wish I was skinnier.
I wish I could stop cutting.
I wish I could die.
I wish I didn’t want to die.
I wish my existence wasn’t ignored by most people, even family.
I have a house, I just wish I had a home.
I wish things were different
But nothing will ever change
So I wish that when I kill myself, no one wishes that I didn’t.
Because if no one cared before death, then why […]
I’ve not had a laptop for a few weeks, which is why I haven’t updated.
This is going to be like full on diary entry material. I hope you don’t mind.
I’m having less and less to say every time I post on here now.. A lot has happened regarding friends recently. Too much to note down. One particular thing though, I’m drifting from my two best friends. I keep screwing up. I don’t want to make this sound like Its all about me, but I have no one else to blame but myself anyways.
I had a boyfriend recently too. Yeah, I know, surprising right? Well, here’s […]
Halloween sucked. Considering none of my friends wanted to hang out with me and I was left at home with no one to talk to. Now this Christmas I will be suffering under the same situation but with more sleepless nights and unforgiving depression than ever before. My family is going to Disney, the most happiest place on earth or so when it’s with those you love and care about you (my definition of it). Another vacation ruined by our “family friends” and my family’s lack of consideration for how I feel. Another anxiety driven plane ride after the other. “You’ll understand it when we […]
While meeting my husband, I need a mask that tells him that he is a real nice, caring spouse and he does knows everything about me. While meeting my parents, I need a mask that tells them that they were right in their every parenting decision, including arranging my marriage. While talking to the siblings, yet another mask that makes them feel secure and protected by their big sis. Yet another mask for co-workers and acquaintances (well I don’t have friends, Let me rephrase it, I never HAD any friends) to make them like me. Sometimes, I feel I need a mask just to look in the […]
For everyone who tried to say that the 20 year old at least liked me. I had a feeling I couldn’t hold my breath on him because it’s a lie. So there you go. No one can like me just like I said. He lied.
Fuck December. My grandma died 4 days before Christmas 2012, and my other grandma died 2 days before Christmas 2014. My great grandma died a few days ago, she was 98 though so. I hope no one dies on Christmas this year. Regardless, fuck this month and everything it brings. And to think, before 2012, this was my favourite time of year.
I don’t know what to do anymore. If I do what I’m told, people disappointed at the outcome, if I don’t do it, they are still disappointed. If I do it properly, exatly how they told me to do it, they are dissapointed I didn’t do more. If I do a little extra, they complain and say I should have let someone else do it or should have done even more. Are people ever satisfied that I suffer just to try and keep them alive or able to support their family?! I’m I just that freaking pathetic?
I always hated that word. Pathetic. I would always […]
it hurts so much, i want to scream and no one can help me.
Hi.
Like many others here I have suicidal thoughts but I am not depressed. I don’t think they have to go hand in hand. Even though, I have experienced depression about 5 years ago severly and on -off 3 years at least after that. But now it is as if I don’t remember it anymore.
I feel numb. This spring 2015 I experienced psychosis during which I burned my life to the ground. (Figuratively). I quit university, threw away everything I had, lost friends and over all sense of direction. I did some more crazy stuff and ended up in a […]
I am going to kill myself at the end of the week. I have an unpleasant meeting mid-week and I want to give it a day of buffer on either side. I’m not killing myself because of this stupid meeting, and don’t want it to look that way. I *could* leave a note, but justifying my suicide would do more harm than good, and leaving a listing things that *weren’t* a factor would be confusing.
I’m sick of dragging myself through life. I’m in my late twenties and have been suicidal since my early teens. Why I didn’t do it sooner is beyond me. That would […]
My birthday is tomorrow the 30th. I’ll be too busy at work to enjoy it. Not that I could because I’m all alone in the world. I thought my roommates were going to make me a cake but they didn’t. I only had dream guy over for Thanksgiving dinner and then by chance, he stayed over Friday night and left Saturday. I have to say though that I feel it was wrong to rant about him so much, he’s not a bad guy. I’m just the only person on earth he can’t possibly be attracted to. I wouldn’t be 38 and alone in the world […]
When people look at me, they don’t see me. It’s my fault for hiding and lying and smiling, but sometimes I wish that someone would see me and ask what was wrong.
When people look at me, they see ridiculously high grades, higher than they have. They don’t see how I fall apart every time I look at a math problem, how I always have doubts no matter how well I’m doing, how I constantly worry.
When I say I’m nervous about a hard test, everyone scoffs. They’re usually right t0 – I always pass. They don’t understand that I really am nervous… I’m so stressed that I want to curl up […]
I don’t really want to kill myself, I just want the pain to end. The fact that I haven’t done it already also makes me feel like I’m a weak person. What an oxymoron, how can I be weak when I’ve been strong enough to get though almost 30 years of suffering with depression. Sometimes the sadness and anger feels unbearable. I have no one to talk because no one in my life understands or really wants to. Because of my depression and mental illness, I was not always a good mom. Now that they are grown, they do things to push my buttons and […]
I hate nights. They are the absolute hardest. Everything is quiet, I have no family or friends. I go through my phone trying to find someone to talk to and no one responds. I scroll through my Facebook that I haven’t posted on in weeks and it’s all holiday pictures of families. It’s human nature to want someone to share your life with and I hate it. So I sit in silence in my room and read articles. :(. It’s such a lonely life at the end of the day.
I’m perpetually depressed, I have no one, no friends, no one to love me or care about me. I wish I could just end my life, but I can’t even do that.
I don’t see how “things will get better” when it hasn’t for three decades.
I have suffered all of my life. My childhood was filled with abuse, my 20s and 30s has been wrought with illness and injuries, ones that affect me every day of my life and will never get better. I am in constant pain. I’m not in my 40s yet but my miserable existence begs the question: What is the point of living?
I already know I will end my life. However, I am trying to hang on until after my youngest is 18 (in several months). It is getting very difficult to wait. I have everything planned and ready to go.
Each day is harder than the last. My very existence is torturous. I have no one to help me. The doctor trys to help but no medication or therapy has made a difference (over the last 40 years).
Every interaction seems to just take another piece of me. I have no more to give. The tank is finally empty.
I am afraid I won’t be able to survive to […]