I’m 18, and I recently moved out of my parents house. I have three jobs, and I go to college, but I feel like I’m really bad at it. I feel manic, depressed, or anxious at all times, nothing seems real, I’m irritable as all hell, and I get high almost every day now just to get through all the self hate, guilt, and crazy thoughts running through my head at light speed. I don’t even want to die because of a situation I’m in or a person or anything, I just feel like I’m so bad at being alive and my mental illness is […]
Tag:
normal
This isn’t about self pity, and this isn’t about what brings me down each day. Because if I could tell you what was wrong with me, I wouldn’t be on this site. I’m just naming some things I’ve done wrong that I seem to keep doing.
I’m too brutal. Little bit of a joke for you metal fans out there, but what I mean is that sometimes I’m a little too upfront and frank about how I feel. An example of this is when I liked this certain girl, and she’s really shy, too dumb to notice that though. So I went about my normal, honest, […]
My first time taking it was really recently. DAMN THAT STUFF IS AWESOME! Sure, it has fucked up side effects, but those are things for people who want to live to worry about, not me. Still suicidal, but at least now I see things the way they are:
I am meant to die as a lone wolf
I’ve tried acting ”normal” for far too long, and it’s time to be myself
I’m aggressive by nature. Spent far too much time pacify myself.
Suicide is the only happy ending I will be able to get, and I do not fear death anymore
Society is nothing but a bunch of half-retarded sheep […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I just need to know… Is it just me who likes running my fingers over my cutting scars? Good Lord I sound morbid, but I just gotta know if any of you out there feel the same way.
It’s weird now- I read through some of the self harm comments and I (sometimes) just want to jump up and go to town with my exacto knife. Other times, I’m totally cool with it…
It’s not normal to be sadistically happy about cutting into your own flesh… of course it’s not normal- If i was normal, I wouldn’t be here with all of my lovelies 🙂
Sorry about this […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
If you’ve ever watched Rick and Morty there’s an episode about these Meeseeks which are kind of like a genie. they exist long enough to complete their task, and once they have completed it they just POOF! However, in this episode they are faced with a task to hard to complete meaning they are existing longer than normal and its very painful for them. they want to complete it as soon as possible so that they can “poof” and stop existing. Well I feel like a Meeseeks, I have existed too long and just want to vanish. living hurts, I don’t feel like I was […]
My life is going as best as it ever have….and yet i want to die even more now. I don’t understand. Why am i always thinking of ways to end it? Why am i always hoping simeone else could carry this pain in their heart? I feel so hurt…but numb to any more hurt. The most painful things are my memories, that play over and over in my head. I think that…?????
I just think that if God were real and loved me he would help me. Help me feel normal..help me control the thought but sadly he doesn’t. Nobody loves me ?
Nobody cares
I’ve created another short story, I have another one up from a while ago if you’re interested.
by thelost
written by thelost
She stands there, the darkness stains her skin, turning it form it’s normal tan color to that of the darkest night. It runs over her skin like droplets of blood. It misses every scar, every last cut on her skin. It terrifies her, this darkness, but that terror is intoxicating, as intoxicating as that first bottle of whiskey she choked down. As intoxicating as her first pill, as her slow fall into this hell. The woman never meant to let this happen, she swore that she was too strong for this to take here down. She was strong goddammit, and she was normal, she had […]
Mistakes. Lots of them. Year after year, I’ve made progressively shittier choices. I’ve spent the majority of my life acting and thinking in really dumb ways. I allowed myself to become fixated on what was beyond my reach, rather than appreciating the actual possibilities right in front of me. I was so consumed by what I wasn’t that I wasted what I could have been.
Of course, there were reasons for all of it. I didn’t understand then what I know now. If circumstances had been even slightly different, it all might have turned out another way. I might have lived a worthwhile life.
The choices, the […]
Damn. This night my mom and dad and the rest of my family got together to watch this video about this guy who grew up in poverty and now he’s a doctor or something. My moms like all “you guys are so smart and have so much potential. Your sister in college is working so hard studying and u guys need to work hard to”. She doesn’t get it. I’m an unbalanced human. You know those character in the games that you have to distribute the points to different characteristic for there intelligence, strength, etc. I’m so unbalanced. I’m pretty smart and pretty athletic, but […]
this reminds me of a book i read, a website similar to this. im glad i have somewhere to vent. i just wonder why no methods are allowed to be shared, it honestly would’ve been nice. but back to the juicy stuff. i am a transgender boy in iowa. ive attempted suicide once before. parents never took me to therapy or got me on antidepressants. i came out to my parents via an email from my school. fun. they said they support me, but have not used proper pronouns, name, or discussed me being on testosterone. (i dont even know if i spelled that right.) […]
what hope is there for a kid that was molested and abused at 3, who let it happen again and again until 15 when they suddenly realised it was wrong? I’m 18 now and still don’t know what is normal. rape and abuse was standard for me, and the thought of someone treating me as an equal scares me, if they were to listen when I said no, how would I ever please them? there’s so little hope of finding happiness and acceptance now… maybe its not worth sticking around, maybe I’m too far gone to be normal.
Well am I ? My home life sucks I know every1 says that but it’s true all my parents do is fight and one second they are in a relationship then they ain’t but they still live in the same house and my mother keeps going on about me not being in a relationship and the only this I think of is them as an example and it real relationships are like my expme the I’m good the the 27 cats and dogs. and if someone gets to close to me all I think is run b coz it’s not going to end well of […]
Is suicide actually selfish if you’ve tried everything you know of out there to get better? Â Isn’t it selfish for others to stop you if you have tried everything? Â To stay living in torture just so that others can continue on as normal, how’s that fair?
My sister happened to discover the brilliance of creating art on our skin. She had danced her paintbrush across the canvas, creating a crimson stain, a promised scar awaiting the near future. I know she had to have learned them from somewhere. From someone. The saying “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” has never held such a deep meaning before. She learned it from me. Her big sis. And why don’t I feel guilty for not teaching her the harsh and damaging effects of self damage? Why don’t I feel guilty that she has to conceal her wounds until further notice? I think […]
tried killing myself this morning by taking pills. now everything i eat i throw up. the only thing ive had is water.
Not that I think of suicide. Its just that part of life where nothing excites me. I feel no enthusiasm for anything that i can do. Tell me if this feeling is normal so i can keep my sanity in check.
18 here