Well I have just a couple days left before I leave this place for good. I have arranged to see my two youngest daughters on this day so I can hold them in my arms one last time and tell them how much I love them. Nobody sees this coming and I am sure it will shock them all, but it will look like an accident as I have done my work. I have my notes wrote to my daughters and a will that is notarized leaving both my daughters everything. Life should not be this hard as I have contemplated this for years as […]
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notes
So for the past 2 months, I’ve been extremely depressed. I’ve hardly been able to get anything done. I had to take an incomplete for my class, and everything’s due tomorrow, yet I haven’t even done anything. I’m so screwed. I feel so helpless. It was a few weeks ago where I felt so depressed I thought that if I helped others, if I left little notes for strangers, I might feel better. Which I have been doing, I even started a blog about it called strangerafess.tumblr.com. My friend helped me with writing notes too, except these were supposed to be more funny ones, than […]
For the past 10 years I’ve have picked the same day to kill myself and I don’t know if I can make to that day this year. I dropped out of school when I was 16 and never been able to get a job. I can’t ask for help no matter how much I want to. Last year I showed my older brother the notes of suicidal thoughts and posted on Facebook I was having thoughts of suicide hoping someone would help me but no one did and everyonwe just forgot , know I’m at a the point were I don’t want any. I can’t […]
I’ve always been an incredible writer. I was praised for my writing talents as a young child and still to this day. I am only 21, but I feel like I’ve lived forever. For some reason, writing (or typing) this is extremely hard right now. Maybe it’s because I’ve written a few suicide notes before and all it did was cause me to hurt others I care about rather than explain how I feel. I tend to think it’s a lack of understanding on their part, but my heart tells me it simply is me.
I guess this letter is to someone who I really, […]
You wake up in the morning – happy as can be. You strive in life to put a smile on anothers’ face, but struggle to put one on your own. The evening comes and the thoughts wander in – What if…wouldn’t it be great…how would others react it…
Ive been through this website a few times as I struggled to keep myself from making a second attempt. I read about how others feel, the struggles they go through, the stories that match mine.
Having a constant loss of happiness is the worst pain. The moments spent creating little notes and looking up various ways of attempting. The […]
He is imperfect. Short, freckled, quiet. Intelligent with stunning blue eyes. Depressed and anxious. Heart broken and ostracized.
To me he is perfect. But he has been gone for quite some time now, locked away in a mental hospital I know he abhors. I didn’t know how much he meant to me until he wasn’t there. My days became more dull, I stopped smiling as much. I became sensitive, I holed up in my room, dreaming impossible dreams of a life with him.
I began to forget his voice. His beautiful face. His small stature compared to my tall one. The notes we would write each other […]
4 days left,
and I don’t really know how to get sorted.
Or if I even should sort things.
Got notes written to those that matter, several notes actually, don’t really know which to choose. Do I use the short? the long? the one that tries to explain as much as possible, while reassuring, so feelings don’t get hurt “too” much?
Do I even use one? Should I leave nothing, or just write on the wall: “Fuck it, doesn’t matter anyway” ?
Should I clean everything up nice and tidy? Leave a mess? Just let everything be as it is, so it shows how much a mess […]
she told me to buy a notepad. a special one. i bought one that’s green because that’s my favorite color. then she told me to make a list of things that make me feel good, for times i can’t think straight and all i can think about is killing myself. i started writing.
listening to music.
reading a book.
writing.
smoking (cigarettes).
having sex.
taking the dog for a walk.
she told me to add new things every time i come up with ones. it does help sometimes. sometimes not. sometimes i’m so depressed i forget i have this notepad. it’s taking all of me.
anyway, thought […]
As many of us do, I want to commit suicide. Always have since I was about ten years old. I’m 21 now. I have a plan. I have the materials I require. I have my two, short notes written out and sealed in envelopes. But there’s a problem. See, I work at a hospital every other week. And the week that I don’t work there I do home health care with a family that I’m very close to. I know I can’t commit suicide on a whim because I can’t just not show up for work the next day. I’d have to actually plan a […]
I’ve been researching a lot about reasons to live. Not because I have a friend or a family member or even an acquaintance that has decided to take a step towards ending their life but because of the fact that I want to end my life. My extreme anxiety and shyness makes me wonder if my reasons to commit suicide are the same as the general populations–or maybe I’m researching because I can’t decide on one specific reason why all these thoughts haunt me in the few hours I am not forcing myself to take a nap.
Either way, everything I have found so far […]
At this point I have been having thoughts of doing this for a week. I just can’t do it anymore. I haven’t been happy. I am so hurt and won’t ever be happy again. I am as low as a person can ever get and just keep getting hurt and cry all the time cuz nothing gets better. I already have all my goodbyes written and goodbye videos. I have my notes in place and I have no emotions anymore. I know how I am going to do this. And right now, it will be done tomorrow.
A year ago today I tried an Amitriptyline cocktail. I meant business, i had a few days set aside so nobody would miss or bother me, left extra food for my pets, my notes to everyone, and what to do with all my stuff and things I wanted to donate.
I had all the ingredients and quantities needed because my psychiatrist was treating me like a guinea pig and always sent me home with goodie bags of serious meds to try. I have never been sicker than that time period switching between meds so rapidly I couldn’t function and could barely find my way home at […]
So here I am again, missing you. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year. I still haven’t gone through all our stuff, it hurts. You would have loved the place where I’m at now, its a little house on a 100 acre farm with a creek for fishin and train tracks and a whole lot of birds! Life is still hard, really hard, especially on my own. I’m looking for a second job so I can keep it, mama is losing her house so there is nowhere else for me to go now. I needed you baby, even […]
Just wrote 3 suicide notes basically saying goodbye to certain people that I know love and care about me forreal. I begged them all in my notes to not cry for me but smile because I’m not suffering anymore. I wish everyone that knows me would just do that for me I mean I’m gonna kill myself because I truly feel like that’s what I have to do to get past this misery it’s never gonna get better I was having chronic depression since I was 8 everyday literally every day till now I’m 22 everyday wish to god to just take my life I […]
1. Would you leave a suicide note? Why or why not?
2. Any interesting suicide notes you have read?
Answer 1: Personally since I plan to just “disappearâ€, there will be no suicide note from me. But if for some reason my plan changes, I still don’t think I’d leave a note. Well, maybe some sort of encrypted note, that would lead whoever decodes it on a wild goose chase to another encrypted note, then another, then another, until the last note is something like; “Congrats! This has been as pointless as my life!â€
Answer 2: I’ve read Heisman’s and Manley’s. Actually, I didn’t read all of Heisman’s. Read […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/tmp_02-the_front_bottoms-maps-2076840222.mp3 Every day is the same repetition of mundane tasks at work and the same panic and emptiness waiting in the background until I am alone with my thoughts. I’m out of friends, out of dreams, and out of hope. My motivation is so non-existent that I can’t even go through with my plans for suicide. It’s too much work to write the notes and find a place and get everything in order first. Last time I was spontaneous and tried all I got was a sore neck and face full of mud. The only thing I look forward to anymore is getting so […]
I think about it all the fucking time. It would be easy to end the pain, suffering, and self hate that I feel daily. No more depression. No more cutting. Just ignorant bliss. I don’t know what will happen but I do know it would be better than the misery I live now. I can’t live with myself. I am “living” in a constant hell and it’s killing me; it’s actually slowly driving me insane. So the question is how will I do it? There are so many different options; hanging, suffocation, drowning, slitting my wrists, overdose, jumping, electrocution and so much more. I’ve written […]
Hello everyone, I’m back again. This time I couldn’t make it to the imagenary two week line, rather I crashed down hard yesterday after I came home from the University and needless to say the thoughts were back once more stronger than ever. I’m not willing to give up but I feel like a vent is in order and who knows maybe it’ll give you people a small crumb in getting forward.
So how did it start this time? I suppose the first surfacing of the emotion of not wanting to be on this planet, in these shoes or life came the last Saturday. I felt […]
The blade gleams in the moonlight
A drop of cursed blood spilt at night
On to the dirt and the mud where it feels right
And tears from an empty husk mix with the blood and mud at dusk
The thoughts flow like water, getting caught in the rapids of this martyr
One less life to plague the earth
From ashes to ashes and from dirt to dirt
Perhaps one day someone will learn
The call of a thousand muffled voices
He can’t tell the difference between the memories and the ghosts toying with him
He can’t hear reality’s call, so subtle and soft in […]
Pencil and paper, is that all it takes?
wrong.It takes perfect words
sweet time, a million tears
strength? to write
to pour out your feelings?
to say goodbye?
letting go seems easy
til its written out
onto a clean sheet of paper
the hours you spent writing
searching for the right words
answering questions, that may be inquired
deciding when you should do it
is there ever a perfect time to go?
you’ve written several notes before
but this time it overwhelms you
your train of thought? gone?
your tears? never ending?
death? undecided?
that note will never be read.
at least not for a while.
is it not perfect yet?
or does fear take over?
it’s folded, neatly
slid away with the rest
waiting.
waiting.
for another day