In this year I had 2 good days only nothing is going as planed my life is getting screwed up every day too ugly to get a girlfriend too stupid to pass a test too dumb to find a job. Iam really getting sick of this
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nothing
I stopped by my insurance agency and prepared my life insurance policy. My parents had one taken out in my name when I was 16, after my fireworks accident. I talked to my agent and changed the policy into my name (instead of my moms). It’s for 25,000…not much, but it should cover my debt and funeral. I was going to add another 50,000-75,000 but I would have to have an extensive medical record search and that would show my cancer, abdominal tumors, brain tumor, F.A.P, Gardner’s Syndrome, Pseudotumor Cerebri, fireworks accident, severe anxiety, severe depression, bi polar type II disorder, abdominal migraines, etc…I think […]
I’m not sure it I’m convinced that
nothing good will ever happen to
me or maybe I don’t deserve
what ever I do have I feel like I
can’t even do nothing without
being punished and I don’t know
y I wish I had the balls 2 do what
I think about almost every night.
I’m not going to proof read this bcoz I don’t like reading my thoughts.
I’m tired.
I’m nothing.
I’m lost.
I cry. I try. I fail. I wish. I dream. I see. I feel. I run. I hide. I pretend. I realize.
The pain. The faces. The hours. The minutes. The seconds. The boredom. The anger. The fear. The yearning. The waiting.
Today I woke up. Tonight I’ll sleep.
Tomorrow will come dressed in yesterday.
I’m tired.
Spitting fire
Pointed towards
The gloomy pyre
The festival is bright
Like your eyes
Remember the days?
I do
I’ll always remember you
Head bowed
I let a tear slip
Quickly it evaporates
But not before I pass on
It is clear
In my mind there is peace
Have you become so focused on finding a way to get over depression that you have forgotten who you are? Like a hero that goes on a hard quest and becomes evil in the progression of that quest because he/she is so focused on that goal that nothing else matters to them.
I’m so tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. Everyone thinks im “The life of the party” and that im bubbly and happy. But i hate going out, i don’t like being around people, I’d be perfectly okay with being left alone to lay in bed, go to sleep and never wake up again. I’ve had my ups and downs, but i can’t pick myself up. It’s getting hard to fake the smile and I think my friends are starting to notice, I don’t want them to notice that I’m unhappy, I don’t want them to think that they have to help. I’m not […]
How I felt before
I see vivid colors of mossy greens and scarlet. Mysterious and wonderful lands. Flying through clouds, Purple jungles, diving into white water. Yellow wind. Beautiful people who laugh.
Then I wake.
I wake,and everything goes static. Its all gray. And I can’t breathe. Or think. I want to close my eyes and sleep and drift away into calm dream. Return to the clouds. The purple jungle. just lay in my bed and pull the white covers over my head and forget there ever was a place outside of my mind.
But I’m trapped.
I’m poisoned.
I’m drowning.
I’m drowning.
I’m drowning.
it is […]
Like in the title of this post I have been seeing things All day. Not like a zombie standing in the kitchen or a ghost in my room, just weird little stuff. I watch my sisters during the day, and my youngest she’s 7 months, was still asleep in her crib so I was cleaning the room and I kid you not, I saw her laying face down on the floor in front of me. So of course I dropped what I was doing and went to go pick her up, only to realize it was a stuffed animal that looked NOTHING like a baby. […]
I came across this site and when I tried to register it said I was already registered. I didn’t realize I had posted here almost 3 years ago. I decided to try and live. But today, I still feel precisely the same as I did then. There have been massive, positive changes in my life and my lifestyle, but none of it has even made a chip in the depression I’ve felt since I was a child.
Now I’m 3 years closer to that expiration date I’d given myself: if things don’t improve by the time I’m 30, I’ll know that I’ve run my course. I […]
I am 18 years old and i have been depressed and sad every single day of my fucking life for a very long time now. From the time that i wake up in the morning until night before sleep i feel terrible and sooo depressed and i can’t live like this anymore. My awful physical appearance make me hate my self and become an introvert. I am very short and have a small childlike face. I literally look like a 10 year old kid. I never had a relationship with a girl and never will. I am just an outcast in this society. This makes […]
Before I start, I guess I’ll preface by saying that I’m not really used to doing this sort of thing—that is, writing out my problems to anonymous internet users. Hopefully it is way better than talking to my phony therapist, getting paid 100 dollars an hour for absolutely nothing.
Where to begin? I guess I’ll just say I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD. Except that is hard for me to believe when I actually show signs of ugliness. If this phenomena of BDD didn’t even exist, I doubt I’d be writing this now. There would be nothing for doctors to pawn off as […]
what do you think of life?…
has it treat you well?…
are you happy the way your life is?…
everyone knows that life is not perfect….
who knows……
is yours?
if it is then I’m happy for you..
if it is not then I do hope you find your way……
see ya…….
in the next life……
I’m tired I’ve been tired, I’m a walking fuckin skeleton with nothing left to give you can look at me and see I’m no longer here anymore. 24 years old or 4 this is all I’ve known, a never ending black hole I’ve gotten fuckin stupider and have ultimately fucked myself up even more. I’m sicker than sick, I’m fuckin sick and feel like nothing in this world can “fix” me. I honestly believe this is it no heaven or hell we had a choice to make this world our heaven or hell, the more I look around and the longer I choose to stay […]
From being young to many problems or a problem.
Each step was tough or maybe it still tough cause nothing has changed.
No one gets my state,maybe I should be the one getting to change my state in my own way by taking my own life.
Lies I have told,hidden in the dark in clear day light
Sharing my story is a waste of time cause it all end the same way, it passes by like nothing ever been told.
So ugly thoughts come up,should I take my self down?
I’m nothing than another day tomorrow suffering.
Having those ones who care is playing […]
It’s been two years since my husband asked for a divorce and I tried to kill myself. He was engaged to another woman before the divorce was final. Sometimes it hits me hard that he left me. My kids tell me that I can talk to them any time but when I try they don’t want to hear it. I hate being alone. I feel I’m in limbo and just existing. Sometimes killing myself seems like the only option. I am so tired. Tired of the loneliness, the worrying about everything, the having nothing. I live in my sisters extra room. I have nothing of […]
Everybody will be better off without me. I’m a burden to society in general it’s actually quite embarrassing.
I have nothing to offer the world. My grandmother used to tell me everybody has a purpose in life–maybe mine was simply to die.
Just a few more nights…until then I’m getting dressed up nice for the last time right now. I’m going to see my grandfather. I feel like it doesn’t make a difference if I go to family events or not anymore. Nobody actually cares if I’m there or not. But I’m sucking it up and truthfully I’d like to my grandfather and his dog one last […]
my ex came back into my life. She told me the biggest load of bullshit and that we need to stop talking, then 2 months later she texts me about how she cried cause she missed me. WHat the fuck. HOW’re you gonna lie to me, then tell then come back 2 months later. I tried so hard to bring back the relationship but she just ignored me. I brought her back of course, she’s like the only person i think ever cared about me, About my well being. Shes the only person on earth who knows im suicidal. She’s the main reason i wanna […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
I don’t think I ever said exactly what it was that landed me back here– don’t worry, for once I’ll be brief. There isn’t much to say.
Last year was quite frankly the worst period of time I’ve ever had to suffer through in my short, miserable life, from New Year’s day all the way through to the end of December.
This year, since its very start, has been nothing short of completely calm.
Nothing terrible has happened.
Nothing new. Nothing even especially distressing.
And yet here I am.
Still.
I can’t recall having ever hated myself or my existence among the living as much as I do currently, and this […]