Wanting to die is a strange feeling. It consumes all of the joy in you and turns you into mere nothingness. Empty, cold and numb are the best words to describe it. It has gotten to the point where I can be dripping in my own blood, not feeling anything, no pain, no emotion. I thought he was a new beginning but I mean nothing as always and I don’t expect anything different nowadays. Some people know about my self harm and depression but none of them can fix me. I’m far too broken to ever be helped, I don’t even know what it feels […]
Tag:
Nothingness
And bittersweet.
I wish I was 15 again. I wish I could replay my entire life over and maybe then I wouldn’t so depressed. So bogged down with all these “Should have”s.
I want to run away. I want to run from all of this that I’ve failed. Run away from the college I flunked out of. The boyfriend I can’t seem to shake, that loves me, but reminds me of a life I want so hard to forget. To erase.
I want to feel the SWEET in BITTERSWEET like I did when I was 15, and not just pain. I want to feel you and taste you […]
Death. Must be completely peaceful with no worries just soft waves of pure nothingness, I’m contemplating it once again, 2nd attempt hopefully my last. I want to die so badly it’s like that feeling you have when you really want a new tattoo or a new pair of shoes it’s all you think about that’s how it is for me and dying I want it and I can’t seem to think straight because of how much I want and need death upon me. But as with everything there’s an exception I don’t want death being FAT, I suffer from anorexia, and schizotypal PD and I […]
Let me just begin by saying that i have contemplated suicide many times in my life time, mostly during my adolescence, but just recently also. I have been observing this page for a few days, and have been reading all of your posts.
I happened to stumble upon this article while searching near death experiences, and was amazed and humbled by the words so much that i began to cry. (not from sadness, but from the pure warmth of peace) I hope this brings you peace, and if not peace, a better understanding on why you are here now, and why we all MUST suffer sometimes… […]
Been a little while. Hi everyone. Whenever I think about suicide (which has been happening more and more frequently) I always try to figure out why I want to die. The main thing I’ve decided that drives towards suicide is an increasing lack of interest in everything. It all sounds so dull and tedious. There are times when I just want to be alone and sleep, times when being dead and people leaving me alone sounds very enticing. That’s actually one of the more frequent desires I find myself having during my moments. I suppose the other thing I find interesting about death is rather […]
I was making a presentation today for a job interview and I came to the conclusion that I don’t really care about it. It doesn’t matter if I have the best job in the world, or if im smarter than anyone else. If im alone then I am the loser in the end.
So I am going to organize my life around the correct priorities. So no more games. they just numb the pain of being alone. This site is kind of doing the same. I spend a lot of time here and I guess its probably not the best thing for me. I should be going places and doing things. Which is very […]
When you are lost, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.. or even a tunnel at all. There is only darkness with absolutely nothing around you. You wander, but cannot see and eventually just stop and stay where you are. There are no paths, there is no hope. When you are lost, hope is a lie made of mere words.
And to be truly lost means to quit trying to be found. You are lost in nothingness and that is all there ever will be. A hole forms, where you burrow into it in the darkness. At least that way, you have walls […]
I am a very cowardly person. Â I am a waste of space, oxygen, food and my parents’ money. I have not and never will contribute anything good to society nor nature, and therefore I believe it preferable for both me and the world that I leave. I would also like to be an organ donor. I just hope my organs would be good enough for anyone due to my unhealthy lifestyle. Most of the time I agree with myself that suicide is the best thing to do. But I can’t, for the following reasons:
Lack of courage. I am always afraid and worried of everything, and […]
A simple question from a simple childrens movie.. “who are you” asked the caterpillar… “Why, I am Alice!” the small girl says.. but all I can hear is the caterpillar saying “Who Are You?”. and i have no idea who i am.. well duh im only 16.. but who am i? Where am i going? whats gonna happen to me? I know parts of who i am.. my best friend in the whole world has helped me realize who i want and who i  should be.. but she also has made me realize the type of person i really am. She relates to my problems, she is […]
Hey, so i’m here sitting on my chair… barely moved all day, I smell, I’m hungry but i don’t want to eat. I don’t deserve that. Food. Life. I am sitting here imagining grabbing the blade from my room, or a knife. yes a knife would cut better. Cuttung my veins, letting my blood spurt around me. I know what i’d think then. “Finally, this is it” then a breathe of relief and nothingness. Such a heavy feeling, hard to move. Hard to think Of anything but that. The end.
Rapidly spiraling
down,
down,
always downward.
Never up.
Envisioning in my mind
of blood running down my arm
my face
my stomach
my legs & ankles.
Feelings of nothingness.
Wanting to cry, throw up,
and turn away with guilt and regret.
Suicidal Tendencies come forth,
beckoning and pushing me away
from the temporary refuge
I had inexplicably found in dreams.
Regrets pile up around me
little post-it notes on the walls
covered in despair and insanity.
Incomprehensible thoughts running through my head
screaming in agony I bleed
scarlet rivulets create a river of inconsistencies.
I hate what I hear everyday my minds always a blur its never enough no matter how much i take in. I strive to be perfect I need to be perfect. It takes over me to the point were I am disabled I am so utterly disappointed with the life and body i am given so angered that I cant do anything right. Nothing works it makes me wonder why a God would make such a pitiful person like myself. Being shameful of every breath I take is a worthy punishment for a piece of dog shit like myself. When this world comes to end […]
I really am trapped in nothingness, I have a problem where I just cant occupy myself or be active. I dont know wether its due to a neurolocal problem ive got but its like this claw is digging down in my brain, keeping me locked just to my thoughts, my standard of life is so low that my main things in it are websites and an on going conversation with the samaratans lol .. now thats some life! I did drugs again on the weekend (amphetamine) and it brought me to life, felt so much better, spent days writing lots and lots of song lyrics and […]
To introduce myself I am 19 years old going 20 this year, but I feel like my 10 year old cousin can do a lot of things better than me because he is not uncomfortable of human interaction. Through constantly being afraid of people and events when I was a kid. I became very weak and inexperienced. I am also very lazy that I can’t even write here all what i have to say about me. I just sit all day at my computer, wasting my talents away.. Procrastinating…
I don’t want life, I don’t want people.. I just want nothingness.. I don’t even like […]
I know it’s not good for me but I often find myself reminding myself what a loser ****** piece of shit I am. I’ve had that since I was a kid. I’ve wanted to evaporate into nothingness since I was 4.
Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
I finally found a way to end my miserable existence and I could not be happier. My mother knows how depressed I have been and wanted to “Just get away from things” so she has signed me up for a hiking camp. I could not be more excited. We’re going to go cliff-climbing and I can’t wait. I plan to jump from one of those cliffs. My depression cannot be cured with words or actions, only miracles. I can’t wait to pass onto the final frontier. I no longer care if that will be endless nothingness or a vast new dimension for my broken soul. […]
I’ve been reading things that I wrote about two and half years ago when I found :
Deep inside a darkness resides, a black hole of nothingness.
An emptiness that sucks the life force out of you.
A void that whispers: “You are tired of living, give up!â€.
The pit of endless sorrow threatens you at every fall.
And now, when I stare into the abyss within…
It stares back at me with its cruel vicious eyes.
It’s funny to see how nothing has changed during this time…
I just posted a book in a reply to a post I read on here. This site isn’t what I was looking for however I am grateful to have found it. This topic of conversation isn’t exactly what you feel comfortable or welcome to discuss openly with anyone. I don’t advocate suicide for anyone, it’s horrible in fact and when I think about the impact it has on the people who care about you it does feel selfish. I can only speak about my own situation. Today is a very dark, lonely day and I have never felt more isolated or alone in my life. […]
How do I continue in my meaningless existence when I feel as if I’m on my own? I’m sure all of you who read this knows exactly how I feel, though I doubt anyone will read this so I’m just wasting my time as usual. Sigh. I am going to start using this as a vent, because I have no one to talk to that actually knows my pain, and those that pretend to or pretend to care are just inane and useless to me now. I am utterly alone, I go through the day with a fake smile plastered on my ugly face and a degrading […]