broken
i feel broken
i feel in pain
all i want to do
is be numb
so i cant feel the pain
just be numb.
Tag:
Numb
Yesterday afternoon I cutted myself, not a special thing, and afterwards I wrote this poem, which really describes my cutting. Hope you like it 🙂
That moment,
when the blood flows down your arm,
and you hear the blood drops drip.
That relaxing sound,
and the beautiful color of blood,
the relief you get.
The warmth of the cut,
and the stinging feeling of the blade,
but no hurt,
no pain.
You feel numb and relieved,
like you’re in a trance.
The blood still flows down your arm,
and your arm is covered in blood.
The blood drops drip a little faster,
drip…drip…drip…
Your body […]
I don’t know if anyone remembers my last post, titled numb. Basically i explained what happens when i go numb. I cut off all feeling, i am in a haze, it takes so much energy to pull out for 30 min. so i can act okay. But i sink deeper and deeper until i cut, and then i’m fine again. i haven’t cut since March, and I’ve been okay. Until now. I’m starting to fall again, and i don’t know why. The only person i can talk to is my friend Skye, because she the only person i know and trust at my new school. […]
the adrenaline upon contact
the instant relief as the first drop of blood emerges
the pain
drowned out my the stinging of your skin
the memories
merely but a tiny thing now
the sobs slow down
breathing heavies
let`s go deeper
maybe i can kill myself
each time you go deeper than you imagine yourself to handle
each time you numb the skin a little
each time it becomes easier to go deep
until one day you find your limit
you find the end
your escape.
When I first starting cutting last year it hurt so bad. Now it’s like I’m numb. I can cut so deep it won’t stop bleeding for hours but it never hurts. Does this mean that I’ve gotten used to hardship and pain?
I honestly don’t know anything anymore, I’m not sure why I am here, what my purpose is, or why I do any of the things I do, but I do them. My suicidal tendencies continue to stay in my mind, and in the last 24 hours they have grown considerably. Now that I think about it, the last time I left the house to do anything social was months ago, sometime around February. That part I don’t fully understand more than most things. I consider myself, and I’ve been told by other they consider me, to be a kind person, quite fun and a good […]
I’m almost ready.Ă‚Â ready for the pain to end, even if it takes more pain. I wrote a suicide letter a goodbye.I have problems if I killed myself i would be doing the world a favor one less messed up person for people to look at and wonder what I’m like. Who I am. Everyone judges people. And in this world that’s all I am to most people. I was Ă‚Â abused. It changes a person gettingĂ‚Â slapped for not eating. Getting kicked for crying. Getting my headĂ‚Â slammedĂ‚Â into a Ă‚Â wall because I couldn’t stop crying. It was like that every day .Ă‚Â I have problems. They are clear to […]
I overdosed like two weeks ago. But i never took all the pills.Im tired of seeing people suffer around me and im tired of suffering. So what ive decided and this is not for sure but to either take the remaining pills when i see my psychiatrist tommorow. Ive tried this before. People think im joking so im going to prove that im not. Im scared but i know what i have to do. theres no turning back unless the pills magically dissapear which i very much doubt. SOmetimes i feel like a drug addict cause whenever i have pills i end up taking them […]
So i just got out of the hospital for overdose about two days ago. Actually it wasnt the hospital it was the er. I spent most of my time there in four point restraints since i kept trying to leave. The only reason i wanted to leave was because i hate being in the crazy section of the er cause thats were the gaurds are and there not so nice. Then they put moved me next to a baby getting a spinal tap in case you dont know what that is its a needle in your spine i still hear the screaming in my […]
I posted this on another suicide forum also, just in case no one responds/cares etc.
I’ve been feeling suicidal all year. I’m a senior in high school. I only have oneĂ‚Â more year until I’m out of here. I dont know why I always have to fuck everything up. No one notices I’m depressed because I’m excellent at hiding myself.Ă‚Â I withdrew from my friends and read Sylvia Plath’s journals everyday in the corner of the library.Ă‚Â I think about starving myself to death or overdosing on advil. I want to slit my wrists. But then I think about my little brother, and I just. He’s […]
Almost everyone on this site is experiencing, has experienced or eventually will experience this.
Our feelings are not as black and white anymore, they’re not strong or weak to the external stimuli imbued upon our senses; really it’s just a numbness, extirpating mental perturbation but concomitantly attenuating sensibility and emotions. It all produces either a state of equanimity or mental chaos, depending on your level of introspection…
Basically, our feelings aren’t as simple as they used to be. There used to be a rational support behind our behaviors and emotions; now there isn’t. It’s all a mess, and we feel numb to the outside world. […]
I’ve come to see existence for what it is, and it’s made me feel tired. Death or not, life is pointless. All that we do serves only to perpetuate our species for it’s own sake. Everything is either a lie or a distraction. Without the superficial activities, conversations, feelings, and thoughts we have, there is nothing. What are we working toward, really? Even if we were gods, we would eventually run out of things to do or learn. Even a simple person like me can see that the universe does not need us or care that we are here. There is no higher purpose. We […]
Okay so everyone always wants to know what my problem is, why I feel this way or why I seem totally unable to make things better. But for fucks sake they don’t know me, or my history, so they’re in no position to judge! The fact is if they did, they’d probably understand why I want to die as badly as I do. And trust me it’s such a long, sordid and sad story that half the time I wouldn’t even know where to start or how to explain.Ă‚Â Sometimes I look at the way my life has turned out and it makes me fume with […]
I know this seems like I have let myself into another slump… but yeah… We all do anymore don’t we… Alright where to start. 10 months of an on and off relationship with the girl of my dreams. My everything my who heart my castle that I could rely on for the most part. I am now in need of you all… I am trying to figure out what I am going to do here. I have again fallen in love. Deeply. I can’t live without my girl. I can’t live with her. When she’s on … She isn’t really there. When she is there, […]
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