I don’t want to try and fight this shit anymore. Its funny because this thought never goes away. It lessens. Well today its a little stronger than normal. Its been building. Festering probably going to morph into an alternative better version of me. The sad thing is that I doubt anyone would be able to tell the difference. They would like “her” more. I’m being consumed by my own demons. I gave up on trying to fight them long ago. I’m fucked for however long I live. I’m stuck living, failed at taking my life and a whole bunch of other shit. I can’t even […]
Liz, are you there
When did I ever ask you back, of anything
Oh, my companion
But you, and your spirits, we can
In the night, I light one-up and start to cry
Oblivion, my beautiful mother screams in hers
And we don’t speak of the seismic that we both feel
Underground, do you know, of a continuum of a
I haven’t slept, now that I realize, since the beginning
Therefore, I do not have dreams, anymore
You know of my ail, and thus, I arrive
Please, I need your help
Man is unable to handle his freedom.
Why can’t i choose between my heights and depths? why do i get so weak  when it comes to my choosing, and start searching some strength from here and there?
This base force…its very powerful. and its power is in its persistence, its ever-presence in background. I want to rise. i even know formulas for that. then why don’t i? because in all void moments of life this base force becomes active. and then i seek oblivion, self-forgetting, escape…then i seek non-responsibility, just letting everything happen…then i seek darkness, destruction, wanting everything to end. and in those moments its so […]
I prefer not to dream. There is a peace in the dreamless oblivion that doesn’t compare to anything in the waking world. I don’t have to live, to breathe, to think, or even to be. I don’t have to do anything within the oblivion. It’s a pure nothingness. When I wake, that’s when the reasons for leaving become very clear.
To wake without prospect, without hope, where you have to struggle with even one reason to get out of bed and go about the day–it’s a living nightmare. To have nothing to look forward. To know that THIS day will be exactly the same as the […]
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues, as well as PTSD a few months ago now. I’ve had a doctor, a counsellor, a psychologist and a psychiatrist all working really hard with me to try and straighten some stuff out, and we were doing really well for a while there. I took all the meds, I answered all the questions, I attended every appointment, I talked, I listened, I did everything they all said. But I am so tired and so worn down, that I think I’ve finally had enough.
I cancelled my psychologist appointment this week. She is an incredibly talented woman, so good […]
Clash into dust into ash into lust
with another ways dream and another mans dean
without a word suffer with a counter cost cutter
with no aspiration inside this temptation
into but oblivion with bottles of insidium
quite opposite the transaction
of dying plaster reaction
into nothingness evolve with a starlit twice revolved
SORRY ABOUT ALL OF THE POEMS ITS HOW I EXPRESS MYSELF
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
It’s the ultimate revenge, the ultimate statement upon this sick, delusional, worthless farce known as humanity. Life is so very overrated. Everything we think we know is bullshit. Everything is a delusion. Dreams. Success. Love. Charity. Compassion. These are all illusions that hide the craving for disease and evil humanity promotes and chases. To end one’s life is the ultimate finger in the face of all these delusional lemmings. To end one’s life is the ultimate statement of awareness. It tells the universe that you see through the lies, see through the bullshit, and no longer want to drink the Kool-Aid anymore. It is only […]
Many of us here have contemplated oblivion. It’s very difficult to for me to imagine oblivion.
Still I accept that I’ll probably be spending SOME time in oblivion, even though I don’t know exactly what oblivion means. This begs the question: will I “know” that I’m dead?
Although I have 0% confidence in my answer, the only answer that comes to mind (for myself) is this: “I don’t think so.”
Tortured. Yet not. Why do I feel so alone. Why do I still want to die. Why. Why. I’m a why kind of girl. Why don’t you care? Why does everyone hate me? Why do people lie when I know the truth? I carry around that noose.. Waiting for something to set me off. Waiting for that perfect timing to set in. Wanting it to be now instead of later. When the time comes.. Will I do it? Will I jump? Will I fall? I mean.. I’ve already fallen. And hit the ground hard. I’m broken. And people say I have no fucking reason to hate myself. […]
Darkness ahead
Soon we’ll be dead
The sun is fading fast
Light wasn’t meant to last
http://youtu.be/uCTgQJ9dqLI
We’re falling on too fast
Leaving behind the past
Nothingness around us
Oblivion has found us
I walked last night on the cliffs, facing the Pacific Ocean. Alone. It was very late; nearly 2am. There was a mild mist coming from the ocean. The ocean before me was so vast, that you can’t but still your mind and feel the nothingness. Had I taken a boat, and sailed straight forward (as the crow flies), I would have possibly ended up in Queensland.
Then you equate the ocean with the eternity. Of course, it’s only a fallacy, as nothing is eternal. One day even this vast ocean will come to its end. But it’s a melancholic thought nonetheless, when humans do that […]
Since when did I start drinking every single night to the point of oblivion. And since when was not getting to that point a disappointment.
I am unhappily tipsy.
Hooray for success! I’m married! I own my own home! We have a backyard! We actually have money in our savings account!
Like that solves anything I mean really. I’m still alone tonight. I’m still sad and angry and crying tonight.
You take the knife and do no harm
But feel the blood drip down your arm
You realize something
It’s all about the pain
You’re on a quest to find some there
To feel anything, anyone, anywhere
But you already knew that
You just don’t understand why you can’t get past it
It’s not about the hurt
It’s not about the hate
It’s not about what you can’t explain
It’s not about what you’ve done
Not about the punishment
It’s all about the pain
Just trying to feel something
I’ve been down the road before
Sometimes I’m still there
Rip out my heart as I cut up the […]
OK, I have a question. Yesterday, im-worthless made a post called “The other side” asking what people thought about the afterlife. I responded saying no one knows, but there is no logical reason based on what we do know about consciousness to think it’s anything other than eternal oblivion.
Now, I’m sticking by what I said then. That said, this does raise a number of other philosophical questions that have really been troubling me for years.
I’m very evidence minded, and I find the believability of a claim is closely linked to the strength of the evidence supporting it. If there is no evidence for something, it […]
When I was a happy girl with no trouble everyone said they loved me, everyone wanted my company, but I started falling down, I didn’t do anything wrong it was just “life being a *****”… now I’m so alone… When I said to my friends “I’m sad” I cannot do this anymore” they freaked out and their only answer was: “Stop being so negative” “Don’t ever talk like this again”
So I come here… Lovely poem @sleepykarie91, nothing worst that the feeling of your friends  throwing you to oblivion
We all come with baggage of insecurities, fears, shortcomings, emotions. We all feel, that’s what makes us Human. But…some of us are born with something extraordinary, an ability to feel a lot stronger. It’s a gift and a curse. When we are happy, others can’t comprehend how happy, but when we are engulfed by darkness, we feel miserable enough to die. I speak from the inside perspective, and it really isn’t easy to live with. Sometimes, I look at the sky from somewhere high up, and am ready to reach for the heaven and jump. Other days, I feel so powerful, like i can do […]
Time does not run in seconds, hours or days. For me it runs in nights. I wake up as the sun sets, eat dinner for breakfast, and say goodnight to my loved ones. Alone I sit through the endless nights, watching time fly by, wondering why the sun is rising before I’ve had the chance to live. As the first rays of dawn pierce my aching eyes, I begin to prepare for my journey into the dreamworld. The only place where I can truly live in vivid and terrifying detail. Nights pass by, one after the other, most of which I cannot remember. Vague images […]
I finally made an account. I’ve spent all afternoon reading and I identify entirely with feeling like I’m in a slump. The worst part as I see it is the apathy. The complete loss of excitement for all the little things that used to make me smile and worse yet, the utter lack of care for whomever’s emotions will be affected by my last action on this earth.
I’m 21, completely hopeless, and scared for what lies ahead. I don’t want to disappoint my wife of four months, but with all the fighting I think she’d be better off. I seldom socialize anymore, I dropped […]
I don’t know what to do, I can’t seem to keep going like this, it has been 10 years in a slow descent into oblivion, it hurts so much now just to wake up, but I can’t do it, it would hurt others, and that would be selfish of me. My best friend A, has a boyfriend, but she is the only person who makes me better, but I cant hurt her, and I am leaving soon by asking her to do things with me because people are judgmental assholes. I think of better and better ways to kill myself, and with more than 30 episodes of […]
Newer Posts