Tag:

Organs

My First Post: The plan, the hope, the end.

by toxicluminoth 7/25/2013

written by toxicluminoth

Iâ€™ve been suicidal for many years and, to an extent, most of my life. Not a manic obvious case of suicide but a quite, calm and patient case. It was supposed to all happen tomorrow, Friday, July 26th 2013 but wonâ€™t.

I realized recently that my plan all this time was not the right way to go about things. The plan was to take my friendâ€™s handgun and walk from his place to the nearby hospital. There I would warn the staff about the events that were going to take place, to prepare surgery for my organ donation, and to clear out the area so that […]

7/25/2013 2 comments

Trapped

by Tormenting Dreams 7/9/2013

written by Tormenting Dreams

damn, this ghastly insomnia has caught up to me again. It seems i am trapped in my own mind.
its never a pleasant experience when i am caught up in my own thoughts. idea’s and realizations take hold and i cannot shake them, ergo what led me to self harm in the first place.
but on a rare occasion a wondrous idea takes root, and itÂ is great at first, but then i become fixated on it, it is in my every thought and dream. it makes me feel new and whole and like there is a point to the future after all.
but then […]

7/9/2013 3 comments

Trapped

by Tormenting Dreams 7/3/2013

written by Tormenting Dreams

damn, this ghastly insomnia has caught up to me again. It seems i am trapped in my own mind.

its never a pleasant experience when i am caught up in my own thoughts. idea’s and realizations take hold and i cannot shake them, ergo what led me to self harm in the first place.

but on a rare occasion a wondrous idea takes root, and itÂ is great at first, but then i become fixated on it, it is in my every thought and dream. it makes me feel new and whole and like there is a point to the future after all.

but then i bore of […]

7/3/2013 2 comments

I almost died today

by chairomy 6/17/2013

written by chairomy

I was ready to die today. I’ve been afraid of dying by stabbing myself or my organs, due to having severe abodyemigphobia. But my house is fairly tall, I could jump, I could at least break something if I didn’t die. I’ve been wanting to commit suicide for a while now, I’m a worthless human being, who would care? I’ve even posted death threats and not one person cared. So I was slowly opening my window, thinking that I was finally going to be free, that this was the right thing to do. But I heard my mom come in, and remembered how disappointed my […]

6/17/2013 5 comments

It’s taking too long

by rach 5/17/2013

written by rach

I was born disabled.Â Not your typical disability like being in a wheelchair or something but a veryÂ horrible genetic disease that has severe effects on the organs, skin and brain.Â Â I’ve been waiting to die now for three decades and it just hasn’t happened.Â Â Â I have been too sick to leave home for the last 5 years.Â I want to hurry up the process.Â Â I wish that I had access to ********.Â It would make a huge difference just to have that available and know that there’s a way out.Â Â I frequently think about leaping from an upper floor of the hospital.Â I like the idea […]

5/17/2013 4 comments

I don’t know why I feel like this

by leaf1 3/19/2013

written by leaf1

My life is good. I don’t have to worry about much, my parents give me food, shelter, money etc. I’m in college doing a degree I love, but have noÂ motivationÂ to do any of the assignments. I feel like killing myself all the timeÂ becauseÂ it would just be easier than feeling pain all the time. I just don’t want to live. I struggle to do things now. I only do them because I don’t want my parents to beÂ disappointed. All the money they wasted on me for a failed son. Â I’ve made plans to killÂ myselfÂ beforeÂ my birthday, but I don’t know if I’ll go through with […]

3/19/2013 3 comments

Eternal Misery

by f_u_c_k_E_D 2/14/2013

written by f_u_c_k_E_D

damnit.Â IDK where to start.Â so much is racing through my head right now.Â im completely fucked.Â It’s unreal how horrible things can become.Â So, I have this stupid belief that, yeah, i want to die, but it could be the last thing I ever do (assuming in death there is no afterlife…just inÂ case)Â and it will only happen for real once…Â I want to FEEL it.Â None of the gun to the head crap (besides, you could always end up brain dead which is worse than life itself…[although, someone i once knew shot himself in the heart…Â i think that takes guts]) but anyways this […]

2/14/2013 3 comments

stalemate (I’m a brand new user)

by walkingcontradiction 1/20/2013

written by walkingcontradiction

I try to plan an effective way to kill myself, how to do so in a way that would still put my organs to good use, how to do so in a way that minimizes the chance of survival etc. etc. but as I am being comforted by my planning, the people I am close to in my life pop up in my mind. Then my resolve disappears.

I couldn’t do something like that to them, whether or not I manage to make it look like an accident. I’ve never experienced someone close to me dying so I have no idea how painful it actually […]

1/20/2013 7 comments

Just F*cking Fine

by Rain 12/12/2012

written by Rain

I swear this fire doesnt burn
And darkness saves me
The bloody hateful world, itÂ turns
And empty tears break free

I’ll be just fucking fine
With your guts off my mind
Youre the reason why my soul
Is so alone, Its so alone

I know you hate me
I know you’d turn me inside out
And walk about my bloody organs
In those boots you brag about

And i’ll be just fucking fine
With your guts off my mind
youre the reason why my soul
Is so alone, Its so alone
It’s So Alone

12/12/2012 2 comments

It just seems impossible

by Carcolem 11/6/2012

written by Carcolem

I am a very cowardly person. Â I am a waste of space, oxygen, food and my parents’ money. I have not and never will contribute anything good to society nor nature, and therefore I believe it preferable for both me and the world that I leave. I would also like to be an organ donor. I just hope my organs would be good enough for anyone due to my unhealthy lifestyle. Most of the time I agree with myself that suicide is the best thing to do. But I can’t, for the following reasons:

Lack of courage. I am always afraid and worried of everything, and […]

11/6/2012 2 comments

Giving up…and a question

by Twister90029 11/3/2012

written by Twister90029

Just too tired now. I don’t want this life any more. So, what way is best so that I can leave my organs undamaged and able to be used for transplant? I’d at the very least like to make my so far pointless existence have some small meaning. Maybe that way it wouldn’t be such a selfish act, my family won’t be as disappointed in me as I think they will be. Does anyone know if there is a way? I know in 7 pounds he got stung by a jellyfish, but as that’s fiction I’m not sure it’s a trusty source!

Thanks in advance x

11/3/2012 1 comment

Paralyzed

by mismo 8/24/2012

written by mismo

I can’t seem to get myself to do the simplest things. I am wading through life fighting against this current that tells me it would be better if I just left this plane and stop wasting resources. I feel ashamed constantly and I can’t shake off this feeling that the future is hopeless. I am disoriented. I want to get better, I’ve done therapy, meds, drugs, and yet this heaviness, this emptiness still lingers. Even with some of the ups I’ve had this monster of a feeling is ready and waiting to take me back into the darkness.

I’m stuck between wanting to break free and […]

8/24/2012 1 comment

The Camino de Santiago de Compostela…

by Black_Scorpio 8/17/2012

written by Black_Scorpio

last night i lost two of my patiens.. One girl jumped from 8th floor, another jumped from 9th floor. Well, i’m saying i lost both of them because first one doesnt has so many hopes to survive. Just 1 floor different and it’s that thin line from death. First one survived.. We took her from ground with all bones broken, all organs exploded, but… alive. As far as i know she’s in neurosurgeons hands. Second one lost job.. and didnt find new one.. so 9th floor – totally dead. One floor – one sure.

All im saying, what if those people could be taken for example […]

8/17/2012 0 comment

Update

by Vanna 7/8/2012

written by Vanna

So its been awhile since ive posted…. But here’s my little update of not awesomeness.
It’s hot outside lately and it’s making tired. But you don’t know what you said yesterday made me just not trust a lot. “My girls” and how I was telling you don’t need sex to have fun, then you saying “Maybe.” All because you want to go to Mexico as I don’t. Know what go to Mexico with your “girl” and maybe have “sex” cause I can’t do anything. I feel too disgusting to argue or anything. My organs seem to be killing me. And I just can’t cry.

7/8/2012 1 comment

Waves of Sadness

by SomeMalaise 6/29/2012

written by SomeMalaise

It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, how hard I’m cleaning, or sorting. It doesn’t matter how many times I walk up and down stairs, or when I water or tend the plants. Those waves. Those deep soul waves of sadness wash over my whole body.

I’m not crying but I feel like I should be. Tears must be still in reverse. My heart pauses for a moment. It sends a tremble in my arms and throat. A wave of sadness.

Why should someone so messed up crave something they’re not ready for? Love. I wish the heart would stop craving that it just doesn’t realize […]

6/29/2012 3 comments

I don’t know what to do with myself

by RJo 6/28/2012

written by RJo

I don’t want to die-on most days. But sometimes I get so depressed it seems like a good solution. It just passes my mind out of the blue when I’m crossing a river or crossing the street. What if.

I thought I’d had it all figured out by now and it’s not like that. Not knowing what to do with your life at 20 isn’t a good idea. I feel like I’m gonna screw up, alone with a boring job I hate, surrounded by people I have nothing in common with, my parents are going to be so disappointed.They are going to die and I’ll […]

6/28/2012 5 comments

Every day’s a good day

by Wolfenstein666 6/4/2012

written by Wolfenstein666

to die. So I’m pretty sure I’m done I am very serious but can’t become 100% certain. I can’t function around people, I have been deeply depressed for around 7 years, My motivation in life is to hurt those who hurt me nothing more and nothing less. I have no real goals or dreams in life, I have been on alot of medication, tried everything, have no reason to live and am almost sure I am incapable of love or happiness or even being content. I don’t want to live in any society and I wont do anything I don’t want to. I don’t want […]

6/4/2012 7 comments

Organ donation/ Body disposal

by spln 5/24/2012

written by spln

So I don’t want a wake or funeral. Â I want absolutely zero fuss made about my death. Â But I feel bad killing myself and taking all these healthy organs with me… so I think, I know, I will donate them. Â So I had this idea to do it in winter on a snowy day, so my body would stay fresh until I was found…. But it turns out that hospitals/universities/chop shops won’t take suicides… Also, Â if you donate your body to one of these chop shop organ/body donation companies, they dole the pieces out to the highest bidder, making at least $200,000 per body. Â The […]

5/24/2012 3 comments

things stopping me…

by NotReallyHereAtAll 5/16/2012

written by NotReallyHereAtAll

One of the things that’s stopping me from killing myself is the fact that I’ll be a corpse which will have to be disposed of. I know it’s stupid, but I hate the thought of being buried, but I also hate the thought of being cremated. I don’t want to be a corpse at all really, I just want to literally disappear into thin air. I’m not sure why this bothers me so much, because I know that my body’s basically just a shell of who I am, but it does. I don’t want to be a corpse and I’m not sure why I care […]

5/16/2012 2 comments

organ donor

by livingnightmare 3/31/2012

written by livingnightmare

I wrote that on my arm last time I was on a psych ward, and then was about to take my life when the girl with learning disabilities across the hall from me came and knocked on my door wanting me to do her nails. She had been through so much and we were friends, she really didn’t deserve to have to watch me be brought out in a body bag which would have happened right outside her room. So I held on for a while and now I feel the same hopelessness again, the same desperation I just wish there was a way to […]

3/31/2012 2 comments

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