I can not see myself living a long life based on what has occurred for the past 21 years. I feel like an embarrassment because the only thing I did was screw up things myself by allowing others to treat me like shit and go along with certain bullshit to feel accepted. I’ve developed a state of partial isolation because my lack of social interaction has resulted from be being afraid to become close to anyone and whenever I try to people think I am weird or mean because I am so timid to continue a conversation. When you have experienced sexual, physical, and mental […]
There are times when I feel like I want to destroy the whole world – to obliterate everyone who’s life isn’t as wretched as mine – to bring it all to an end. If I can’t be happy, why should anyone else?
In my less childish moments, I suppose I believe that it’s good that human life exists. That there are many people who enjoy friendship, fall in love, pursue things that seem meaningful to them. Even if that necessitates there being people like me, who can’t experience those things, and feel their absence. Even if there are people who experience unendurable agony for long periods […]
i decided to post this bc i see so many on this site burdened by this affliction, and this is something i have struggled with for years…there are cuts and burns on my thighs, shins, shoulders…my favorite is my right arm, i’m left handed…most of these wounds originated in my teen years, and although i’ve tappered off to a large extent, the urge still rears it’s ugly head from time to time…..the evidence of this dirty secret on my left arm are so numerous, and so obvious you can see them from outer space……this was never my intention, i suppose i am susceptible to over […]
I have many things I’m supposed to be thankful for. A full time job. A roof over my head. I don’t go hungry. A reliable, fuel efficient, comfortable car. Why should I hate my life? I don’t know, but I do. I hate that every plea for company to distract my mind from the negativity that I can’t stop, goes unanswered. I hate that when I vent in the only place I can think of where people I know (facebook) I just get kind words from people who will never actually do anything to help, or I get anger-filled responses that blame me for not […]
I hate how if you don’t go to college, society deems you an “idiot” or a “failure” in life. I tried college, but it just hasn’t worked for me. It’s too fucking depressing. Everyone that I knew in high school seems to be in college, all giddy with their friends and entertaining lives. I have nowhere to go but into the limited career world that I’ve been bred into, and I’m not expecting much. I can’t do anything for long, because I become bored and just want to sleep and never wake up. Therapy is going pretty poorly. My last meeting with my therapist was […]
I feel like a nobody, and like a burden to the others who do care. I have no health insurance, and a wisdom tooth that needs to come out. Daily I am reminded by excruciating pain, that I need to have it removed. No dental surgeons in the area and even out of my area, are willing to do payment plans for me. My husband even offered to sell his play station to put a down payment onto the bill, and no go! I feel like […]
I have a boyfriend who loves me, as well as a grandmother and friends who do so, too. So why do I feel so urged to commit suicide? Y’know what I think about sometimes? A scenario where everyone hates me, and has moved on. That way, I’d be able to kill myself, and it be more of a selfless act. I know I can’t die with things being the way they are now, and it’s not like I plan on making people hate me, I only wish I didn’t care so much about the ones in my life, so that I could do this without […]
I’m not feeling very strong today. I want to say so much but who cares enough to listen? And what does it matter anyway? I don’t know how to give my feelings any value anymore. I’m going to try this to see if it helps but in my mind I think I have already made the decision to end my life. There is just too much hatred and shame and I’m tired of all the wanting I have. To many needs never able to be satisfied. This is going to take time to write out so I will start with something short. This.
Maybe this will […]
Hello,
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. My upbringing was not the best. My childhood consist of homelessness, molestation and verbal abuse. I fought very hard in my childhood, as well as my teenage years to become successful. I kept telling myself, if I worked hard one day I would have a family of my own. Deep down, I knew that I had depression and anxiety. I thought that I would have time to address these concerns at a later date.
I managed to make my way through college. Still living in isolated life and fearful of relationships with others.
Over this last year, […]
Travelling on a train I wonder how many of my fellow passengers suffer from suicidal thoughts; who, like me, had considered jumping under the train instead of getting on it.
In the supermarket I wonder how many of the other customers suffer from depression; who, like me, had difficulty getting out of bed and motivated.
Walking down the road I wonder how many of whose walking past suffer from social anxiety; who, like me, just want to be hidden away indoors instead.
How many others are there who suffer in quiet; ripped apart on the inside, but silent stoicism on the outer; I wonder.
I cannot take it anymore .Whenever i close my eyes, at any time of day/night ,i see all these horrifying pictures of blood and violence on myself.Im haunted by monstrous bloody images of flesh and death.It lasts for approximately week or two, non-stop ,i hardly sleep more than 4 hours a night then.When it passes ,i always get painfully numb.It goes round and round. I cannot do this anymore,i need to cut,i need to die,i don’t deserve to be here i shouldn’t be here.Sorry im so weak i need to write it here instead of just finishing with that agony.I can’t kill myself because it […]
I have always been a failure. For most of my life I have been successful at convincing others that I have things together and know where I’m trying to go and what I’m trying to do, but I have never known. Any successes I have had have stemmed purely from luck and circumstance and any situations that I have been deprived of either of these has led to certain failure and a complete inability to function like a human being. And in many of those circumstances where I did get lucky, I was either discovered a fraud or imploded the situation myself out of fear […]
I’m so tired of being jealous of others happiness. Life is no longer fun. It’s a struggle I have to force myself to go through everyday. I don’t know what to do.
Fear is my problem. I’ve always thought that I have the mind to be dominant in any venture I choose, if not for my withdrawn nature. ‘Shy’ has been my label for as long as I can remember, but now it’s apparent to me that fear is what holds me back. I’m completely crippled by fear, unable to make life progress that involves going outside my comfort zone. I should note that the psychological blocks in my mind are really the only thing the matter with me; I live a pretty charmed life. Everything I want is within my grasp, I just need to find […]
It’s important to acknowledge that every person’s justification for suicide is valid and should be respected, whether your suicidal tendencies are a product of an abusive environment, deprivation of vital needs (such as social needs, romantic needs or the lack of care and appreciation from others), or financial complications, physical health impediments and decline, or even if your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner has left you or you stubbed your toe and that’s thrown you over the edge, every reason is valid. Suicide is entirely subjective and is construed in a different way by each individual. Humans are innately logical creatures, the only deviation from this is decided by […]
i know being suicidal tends to makes us all somewhat self-supplicating creatures…..to clarify, this is not intended as a stab at anyone, just my conjecture….although i dont really post frquently, i would like to aknowledge some of you on this site who make an effort of helping others…..it reminds me that humanity is not all lost, just mostly unanimous, so thank you all….i cant name em all, but u know who u r….distant road, whispers, koatanik, nias, even killswitch…bit blunt and i’m guessing mostly drunk, but narcissim dosent automatically mean not caring, rite…hahahaha!!! but for realsies, i am appreciative…..also, can i borrow some money??? JOKING!!!
Change is the one thing constant.
Do not depend on humans. Do not trust humans. We are all capable of manipulation of words. Nope nope.
Steel your heart. Steel your soul. Let no one come near. You’re on your own kid.
Build up walls, like others have. Be independent. No one is as foolish as you. It’s a eat-or-be-eaten world. No one will trust you the way you blindly do.
Curl up and put your defenses well. Grow up and protect yourself. Stop allowing others, be it friends or family, to hurt you like that.
Protect. Hide. Move on.
You have chosen selectively. Cause everything in life is by your own […]
Be strong and be the best person you can be. No one can ask any more of you. It’s alot easier to place blame than it is to forgive. Learning to forgive others is what takes true strength. Also, and most important of all, learn to be able to forgive yourself. Im such a preachy douche, lol.
the ex finally left again. that is a good thing, but that old feeling of loss and lonliness always return when she leaves. she was not the reason i tried to kill myself. i tried to kill myself because i do not know how to live in this world. i dont understand it. it dont understand me.evrything that was familiar and comfortable is gone. now, evrything is new and frightning. why is doing the right thing so hard?does the emptiness of loss ever go away? does the pain ever stop? each day i become more withdrawn and reclusive from society. hiding and hoping no one […]
23rd is my day now guys.. I won’t bore you anymore with my posts. No one can never get used to such condition I’m in. I wish I can say I’m happy now that I finally figured out how to end it but.. I just wish my mom didn’t come back to see this, even she understands that I can’t live for her, she told me that. I’ve been trying lately to sort of make my mom hate me to make it easier for her but it only works for a little while then I feel like an asshole and automatically talk to her. It’s […]