I have a lot of things that run through my mind. Things I can not explain. My dreams haunt me. My goals are just false hopes. My life is a mess. I hate my life even though, I know others have it worse. This makes me feel guilty. The guilt I have always lived with. The hate as well. I find no point in life. I want to die. I say I’m not scared but I’m scared shitless. I don’t want to go but I do. I’m scared cause after death there is nothing. […]
Tag:
pain
I would trade no ones shoes to swap suicidal scenarios. I can imagine they are all just as bad as each other. Mental pain, physical pain, no matter what it is. Torment and pain beyond what most of us are capable of handling. How did i get to this place and scenario. Anyone ever youtubed what its like being a schizophrenic.. Its fun for the first ten seconds or when youre on a high then its depressing, scary, obtrusive, crazy and intruding.
Im schizophrenic almost every second of the day and meds do jack shit unless you want to be zombified do you.. No.
Ive heard shit […]
Some people turn to physical self harm. Mostly this works for them. Mostly it works for me. I mean, it used to.
I’ve gotten better at this self torture thing. I don’t even need the physical aspect of it anymore. I don’t have to hide palpable injuries now.
Instead I have my mind. I can bring my mistakes and pains up to the surface faster than a blink of my eye. I know it all better than I know the palm of my hand.
Because really, I don’t even know the palm of my hand anymore.
Hey.
I know that everyone is here for a reason and whatever cliche shit we’ve been listening to forever.
Right now, my life has no purpose. I don’t even know why I opened this site. But whatever. It has always been hard for me to find people to talk to. My parents are kinda supportive, but if you know anything about being Indian it is that your parents exercise complete and absolute control on your life. My parents don’t let me outside the house, except for school. Not even tutions, parties, nothing. Indians are conservative and rather, well, religious. But on days like these I find myself […]
I’ve been hiding my pain for ong time. All these feelings of hatred towards myself, my infinite flaws, and my terrible life. Anyone who does know about it is also aware that I’m not worth their time or effort to help. And they’re right. All I do is hurt people, piss them off, annoy them, let them down, burden them, and plenty more. When I finally successfully kill myself, I will be doing them all a favor. Not one would care, and it would improve their lives immensely. The closest I came to happiness was meeting my best friend, who actually could put a smile […]
I am over living. I feel empty. I see other people smiling and being happy and I feel nothing. I feel like ending my life and disappearing. The only things i feel is sadness and pain. My family is threatening me if I don’t stop cutting they are sending me back to the hospital. I know they are trying to help but I like being sad and I like cutting. I have only felt sadness and pain and I am afraid if I keep living I am going to kill who I am because just being alive hurts. I want to be me when I […]
What is it that makes some people worth loving or caring for or forgiving and others not? What makes some people entitled to happiness peace joy love and others not? Why do some good people find only pain and others less good find contentment? Is there no logic in this world? Is logic the answer? Is there justice? Where is the line between justice and vengence? Without such a line there can be no redemption. Is there redemption? Do people change? Is hope a real thing or just a way of framing denial of ones fate. Sorry to ramble but as i wrestle with my […]
Hello:)
This will be a rather quick synopsis of my suicidal attempts and what led up to them and how I managed past them but the story should come across anyways.
First Attempt:
I was about 14 at this time, and had started cutting. it wasn’t “severe” as it was mostly little scratches. I would only “cut” when I was super overwhelmed with my situation, or emotions. I had been seeing a guy for about a year, and was infatuated with him. One day, he decided to tell me that he had been cheating on me with his ex, but that I shouldn’t be worried because he can […]
The future is bleak for me. If ever I’m still hanging to this thin thread of existence I won’t be doing it for me. But then again, what’s my worth that I feel the need to stay for other people? All I bring is pain and hurt for other people. I am just a worthless peace of garbage, a malfunctioning half corpse that is better off dead.
I haven’t been on this site for a few years. I was on it then because I was really suicidal, I worked through it that time and now it’s back with a vengeance. The last two years have been the worst two years. I’ve been waiting for it to get better but it doesn’t seem to be. My story’s about loss I guess. I’m a real survivor, I ve lived through sexual assault, violence, drug addiction. I’ve come out the other side on a couple of ocassions. I had 7 years off drugs and alcohol & 3 years but I’ve had these relapses and they’ve […]
Wishing my wrists were bleeding,
to stop the pain from the beatings.
So very many times I’ve tried to just lie in bed. To not get up. To not walk to the bathroom. To not grab the razor that hides in the cabinet. So many times I’ve failed. So miserably failed. Relapse is a normal part of recovery, I know. But how many times can you relapse before you’re no longer recovering anymore?
It’s been about 5 years since I’ve been on this site. 5 long, long years..
I thought things were good, that everything was going to be okay. That it was okay, I made it through the hard part and I could live a happy life now. . . But I was sadly mistaken. . . The pain from five years ago, was only the beginning. . .
I left New York, shortly after I graduated high school. To be honest I thought it was a miracle I made it out of that hell hole. Senior year was pretty good I must say, made Honor roll and was […]
I have attempted suicide several times. Obviously, they failed. I don’t want to fail again.
I have tried everything thing under the sun to get to a point of being ok with myself and my place in this world. I have had fleeting moments of okay-ness, but only fleeting as I always come back to wanting to die.
I don’t trust anyone outside of a few family members who partially understand what I am feeling and give me the same advice of “pull up your bootstraps,” bullshit. I know they love me and don’t want me to suffer and I appreciate that. The thing is, I honestly […]
I’m about to kill myself. I have a loaded rifle next to me and drinking. I’m kinda scared of the pain and if I don’t succeed. But at the same time I wanna go to a better place. Maybe if I drink more it will take away the fear
Every thump of each fireworks sounds like a million bullets in my head because I know she’s somewhere looking up smiling with him giving him the same look she gave me once. I want these lights to stop so I can finally fall asleep. I wish there was something I can take that didn’t make me selfish. I’m so alone so alone in this wretched mind. It’s normal now the pain.it feels normal now. The constant anxiety the constant panic it all seems so..welcoming. I’m dead to her today. I’m dead to everyone. I’m waiting to see how long until my courage builds up enough […]
Today is my last day and it seems surreal.
Today I am going to go to the family cookout and later watch the fireworks . Not sure if I will sleep tonight or just stay up. Tomorrow I will get up early and drive to where I can see the sunrise. I have some nice soft music I am going to listen to while I watch it. Then when the sun is half way over the horizon, I will end this pain.
My note:
I was going to write a nice long note or even a poem but then thought, why. Everyone knows that I loved them and […]
So I need advice, to start off, I do cut. My mom says its because I cant cope and I think she’s right. When I get upset about something I go numb it seems like. I don’t talk to anyone, sleep, or eat. I tried crying, don’t do a damn thing. I cant cry to cope, so that leads to cutting. I’ve never cut to kill just to feel physical pain. I’d rather have physical then emotional pain. I’m addicted to cutting, like some people are to smoking. The thing that’s making me upset is a recent breakup, and my mom. My mom and I don’t […]
I use to live in San Diego, California when i was growing up. It was amazing and I wasn’t the most popular kid but I did have a small amount of good friends that I was happy with. Then in the middle of 5th grade my family decided to move to Indiana and well that was probably the worst decision of their lives. I made friends in 5th grade when i started, and got a crush on this kid named Justin. Over time all the friends i though i had starting to turn on me, especially in 6th grade. I got bullied so […]
Hi, My name is stefan and I’m 31 years old. I made many mistakes in my
life and caused pain to a lot of people. I?m absolutely sure I will end
up in hell after committing suicide. I realy like to talk to other
people that know for sure they will end up in hell.
I?m blind so most parts of this site are not accessible for me. So
please answer me by email. my email address is: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards, Stefan.