I’m falling in love,
But something feels wrong.
Something about his words,
Feels like lies dressed as love.
I need to find a way to explain
How I really feel about this pain,
I don’t want to get hurt again.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Godsmack-Serenity-4428060HvDy.mp3
I have picked a date…a song to play on repeat…a saying to hold in my hand…I have detailed instructions for after my expiration date…no need for I love yous…as all I feel is hate…I cut myself daily to see if I still feel…I want this pain to end…I don’t want your medicine…I don’t want your pills…they only work for a little while…while these thoughts continue to infiltrate my head. I just want Serenity.
Depression can be a likened to that of;
an insect
trapped within the web of life.
The spider, represents mortality. The spider can be particularly hungry some days, and seek to devour its prey quickly and painlessly. These are the folk who encounter the planet, and cannot bear to stick around long enough to see any more of it. They are the overwhelmed, the kindred spirits that take their lives young. Other times, the spider will toy with its victim, play with it and taunt it for days and months and years.
because that is exactly it. Isn’t it?
We depressed folk are the victims of life itself. We feel […]
Man, I feel like I for once was right about something. This website is already proving amazing. My previous vent helped me through the day, and upon logging on again and seeing a couple encouraging comments, I feel I can fully breathe again. Well, at least for today.
Tomorrow is a different story, but we’ll talk about and deal with that when we get there. Seriously though, this website is my new go-to place. I’ve kept diaries in the past, but my older sister snoops through them and at times would have the nerve to leave comments she believed encouraging. On the contrary, they were quite […]
Let’s see.
No more daily emotional pain that is excruciating – more than any physical pain I have felt.
No more feeling like I want to scratch off my own skin just to take away the feeling of emotional pain
No more trying to face people and smile
No more worrying about jobs/cars/bills
No more worrying about will I find a partner.
No more worrying about my health and which diseases I have because I get a headache.
No more worrying about losing my looks as I get older.
No more worrying about anything anymore.
Just peace and calm and NOTHING. I have just 10 days […]
Why does have to go down this road
Wasn’t it suppose to be full of happiness??
Nope, just fucked up people doing fucked up shit
Not giving a fuck if anything happens
All they care about is themselves
Amused by your own pain
They don’t know
They don’t care
Why should they mess with feelings like that?
God, take me out of this world
Can i be somewhere else?
Why am i feeling this way
When I fall asleep tonight
Will the voices stop
Will an angel come to comfort me
Or a demon come to mock
Make a joke of suffering
And laugh in my face
Let the darkness smother me
While the echoes fill the space
“They hate you”
“They crave you”
These voices never change
They argue with themselves
They magnify my pain
“They’re watching. Not leaving”
Paranoia is setting in
“Even when you’re dreaming
They know your every sin”
The air suffocates me, room feels like a prison, city – like a cattle-pen. Any form of entertainment does not fill heart like it used to, it merely makes me forget my misery for a bit. And when I am alone – I can’t escape thought of suicide. No one have to love me. But still, I hoped that someone would. I tried to be a best person I could, but that was obviously not enough. I have a plan of easy death, still need some tests, though, to do it right. To avoid more pain, to avoid failure. But the plan calms me. I […]
I found my way back to this site, over 3 years since my first and only post. It’s been so long I had forgotten I even made an account. And how disheartening it was to have the realization that in many ways, I am no better now than I was then. The stigma that is still around mental health leads people to believe that these conditions are just something one can “get over”. That surrounding yourself with loved ones, exercising, getting a pet, etc., will “cheer you up”. I stand as one of so very many examples that this is not the case. Though I […]
On that day
I felt okay
The best in a while
I could even smile
But then you left
And I was bereft
I watched you go
You didn’t even slow
No explanation
Just pure damnation
All your hatred justified
All my pain and then I cried
It makes me very sad thinking about dying, but it makes me even more sad thinking about carry on surviving this life day after day… I can’t deal anymore with this pain, pain for the things I lost (my love, my family, my self esteem, my happiness) and pain for the regret that it was all my fault. It was all my fault and I could have avoided it easily. I am just weak and unwise.
The things that is stopping me from ending this agony are the consequences for those who will stay. How can I do something like that to my family? I already […]
Pain is thay friend you keep close as you cut. It’s what’s needed to survive the depression. Pain grows and is fed through self hate. Self hate can be acquired through any means, although some self hate is stroger than others’ self hate. The difference between me and you is that when you wake up, your nightmare ends. I used to live in fear of death. But i turned that fear into self hate to feed the mature pain that has been accumulated inside of me since i was born. That pain gave birth to a hate of life and everything that falls within that […]
After middle school, Isaiah decides to do somethinf about the bullying. He works out everyday, starts getting his hair cut, and begins to change his overall appearance. At the age of 14, he begins to feel better about life. Why? Because not only is he looking and feeling different, but people are treating him differently. People begin to become nicer to him. For once he begins to feel love and attention that he never recieved as a child. He doesn’t know how to handle it so he eats the attention up and becomes a bully himself. He unconsciously wants to spread pain to other people. […]
Have a plan in place. Will have my house empty, clean, and pay as many bills as possible, as well as debt. Going to take vacation few days before. And any money left over will go to family.
Still working on the final note, but for sure don’t want services, just creamation, quick and easy. Only one person I want to say a few thing to first. BuT would only make me feel better, and her ask herself if she should have seen it commimg.
Going to slowly die, over the next 100 days, doing my best to show the world everything is peachy. And going to […]
Something about this so called life that I am living seems artificial. As if I am the punch line to a very cruel joke. I’m overwhelmed more often than not about what it means to take my own life. In my mind it’s simple. Numerous ways to end my suffering or finish the joke before I’m thrown down a whirlwind of continuos pain yet again. I’m suicidal almost daily. When I think I can handle taking my life I know I can’t and I break down at the thought of leaving behind loved ones. I would tell a therapist but that would get me committed […]
Who else is with me here? I don’t just get depressed, I’m always depressed. My mind can’t think about anything else unless I am unconcious (sleeping). Nonstop pain every second of my life for years now. Every single memory I’ve ever had is gone now, I don’t remember even the biggest days of my life. It’s incredible I am still alive, when my brain doesn’t even function no longer. I just want to stop being tortued alive and be in a unconcious state forever..
well, they recomended this page to me, because it is anonymous, and because here i would be able to talk about my suicidal thoughts or actions, and well, here i go: i’m very unstable, ever since my mother died i’ve been that way, i almost never talk to anyone at school, my father hates me, my brother too, school gives me a lot of stress and today i really dont know why i go there any more, my few friends are also suicidal, and well, literally no mater what i do, like sport or watever, i never get rid of the stress or the pain, […]
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
I love him more than I love myself. I love him more than breathing. The only thing keeping me here is my boyfriend, the flame that keeps me warm eventhough all I feel is the paralyzingly coldness around me. I don’t want to leave him but I can’t stay anymore. What do I do? What can I do that if I do leave this world he will move on, that he won’t blame himself, that he’ll still be happy. I’m tore between my pain and my love, the only good thing left in my heart.
ive been wondering all this while. why am i so ugly, fat and stupid? people keep leaving me and that’s not ok. ive started cutting about a month ago and it is addictive. im doing it all day without even stopping. sad is the new happy and pain is the new cure. bye!