Imagine this if you will. You’re transgender. You grew up in a poor, abusive household where you lived in constant terror and stress. Your parent-captors told you if you didn’t tell CPS they would pay for you to go to school, but they meant the terrible community college in the neighborhood. You are disabled mentally and physically. You have chronic pain from fibromyalgia and a back injury, and migraines constantly. You’re completely broke because no one wants to hire a young transsexual much less one that’s disabled and doesn’t even have a degree yet because you were homeschooled by incompetent idiots and completely fail at […]
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Parents
Letter to family… So I can move on with my life without most of them
by MichelleJ
written by MichelleJ
To Mum and Dad,
Both of you are fucking horrible people to hang around. Dad, I disowned you early last year, and Mum, I disowned you at the end of last year. You and dad are alcoholic ugly people who gave me life with no regards to what your actions would do to me and my two brothers. We made choices, but you also helped us make the wrong choices. I hope you both fall off a cliff tomorrow. Kill yourselves so I and many others do not have to think about you anymore. You are not my parents, even though you are biologically. You are […]
Well, I’m the girl everyone thinks is happy. They all come to me with their problems. No one would suspect that I’ve dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember…
I know the first time I remember wanting to die was when I was 7 years old. When I voiced this thought to my mother, she said she would hit me if I ever said that again.
I remember I was about 12 or 13 when I first started cutting and starving myself. No one thought anything of my rapid weight loss; kids go through stages where they suddenly lose […]
This is my story and i hope it gives all of you out there some hope.
I was always a good girl. I had friends not many but yea. First everything was good. I wasn’t the thinnest but I was happy with who I am. But when I came to 5th grade, all my friends were away. All of them were on another school. I thought it couldn’t be that hard to make new friends but it was. No one in my new class liked me. They called me names like fattie. Everyday I got home I went in my room and cried. I just cried, […]
It’s nearly midnight and what’s happening? The thoughts are returning…..The voices are speaking..no, YELLING at me >.< I can hear them now….. “Die ***** die!” “Who says you’re worth living?” “You don’t deserve to live. Your own parents didn’t even want you. HA!”
The thoughts destroy me, kill me, suffocate me, eat me alive. My demons…they’re real. They exist. I don’t want to go on but..I have to. Not just for myself. I’m not living for myself anymore. I’m living for him. And her. For them. They may not care about me but I love them with all my heart.
It’s like…I can scream at them and […]
I can’t remember when I haven’t felt like I am  just waking up because I have to. If it was physically possible just to continue to sleep – I would. I hate facing the day. I drive home hurt and scared and angry every day. I fail as a wife, I fail at being what I feel I should at my job…I am a burden of misery to my best friend whom I ***** to every day. She moves to Germany soon and I know our friendship will fade away. Every day is the same. Most nights during the week I just cry myself to sleep.
People keep […]
Never thought I’d end up here again.
Im sitting on my bed with a pile of pills in front of me and i dont know whether or not to do it. It seems like everyone has given up on me. My mother saw my cuts and everything started falling apart. My sisters have nothing to do with me any more. My parents send me to my room a lot. My friends exclude me from many things. I just want to be normal. I want the cuts to heal, but they cant if i keep making new ones. I dont know why i cant stop.
Im a fail. […]
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
So, in two days, I will be graduating highschool, on the surface I’m happy and just as excited as my friends, and I am, don’t get me wrong, this is a huge step in my life but.. at the same time. I don’t know, there’s this little part of me that wants me to feel miserable.
I can’t wait to leave highschool and all the dicks in my school, I’ve seen enough of them to last me a lifetime. but I’m going to miss my friends, I don’t know when I’m going to see them again, cause some of them are moving away, like far away, […]
My guess is that everyone on here is afraid of something. Afraid of the future, afraid of consequences, etc. Right now I’m afraid of something everyone in life has to eventually go through – growing up.
Well I’m not really afraid, more like I’m TERRIFIED. My whole life there was someone to help me, even a little bit, and I always had another milestone I could postpone adulthood to. But now I’ve reached that point and now I’m on my own. I do and don’t want this moment to come. I do want to become independent and not under the stigma of my parents’ reputation […]
Today I was happy.
I went to the pool today with my assistant manager/close friend (I helped her recover after a very brutal divorce with her crack-addict lousy excuse for a husband.) Now normally when I have any cuts or scars on my legs, I tend to hide them. But today I said, “Fuck it! I’ll show them off and let them get some sun. Maybe they’ll fade out a little like the older ones.” I had an incident a few days ago that I’m none too proud of, but I decided to go nonetheless. When we got to the pool and the sun was […]
am 19 year old, a second year student of Psychology from St. Xavier’s College.
I do not exactly remember how long it has exactly been but I have never had a good relationship with my parents since I was some 16 year old after I had my first relationship with a guy.
Though they let me go out to college, but my life is equivalent to hell. I do not say I am the only suffering person in the world, but for me, at this moment, only my pain matters.
Day before yesterday when city enjoyed one of the loveliest weather, I asked my mother […]
I got to me great aunt’s house yesterday, the same time that a guy who looked like he was in college was there. Apparently, he was Katelynn’s boss and best friend. He was giving Katelynn’s violin to my aunt, obviously, I was confused since Katelynn didn’t play violin. At least I didn’t think she did. She played violin. She was in 4 recitals. She had a job. And I never had any idea. I didn’t know that every time she came home late was because she’d been working part-time to buy a violin. I didn’t know she was actually a junk artist, and I don’t […]
Well, I guess hello.
I don’t exactly know what I am doing here..
About ten minutes ago I was ready to end my life, but a person I know recommended I check out this one website awhile back and I figured it couldn’t hurt. That’s how I ended up here.
I don’t really know what I am suppose to say, or do. But I just really need to tell someone what is on my mind.
If you are also on this site reading my words, it is safe to assume that you’re dealing with something around the topic of suicide so you know the amount […]
I just want to share a story, my story, for anyone that might care to read it. Â It will probably be the only thing I post on this website. Â You’ll never know who I am and I will never know who you are, but perhaps we’ll meet someday, get drunk together, and you’ll tell your story and mention a story you read on this stupid website and I’ll say “hey, that was me! Â I wrote that!”. Â And we’ll laugh about it and go build a bonfire in the woods and howl at the moon, or something. Â That’s the kinda thing I like to do, anyway, […]
I’ve been struggling for a while now, it just feels like there’s only so much one person should have to handle. Some days I’m fine, I get up go to work, do what it is normal people are supposed to do. Most days…most days, I just want to die, not because I’m bored or lonely or crying out for attention; but because I’m tired. I’m tired of slogging through bull shit and being told that I just got dealt a shitty hand and if I stick it out it’ll get better. I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of caring about everyone else and being cared […]
I don’t know what to do any more. Everything I try to do fails, my friends are all starting to give up on me and I don’t fit in with my family, they keep on making my life a living hell and I know that I can’t keep on going on like this.
Every day I think about just ending it all, it would be so much easier. I find my self lying awake at night unable to sleep and imagining how much better off everyone would be if I wasn’t here any more.
I want to get some help, but I’m so scared to go […]
Do I remain here.
It would be so easier if my parents were no longer here, then I could just exit this nightmare forever.
I’ve never belonged, or really wanted to. People are as hard as f******g nails.
My Freshman school year was complete utter hell. The summer before freshman year was something you would normally only have written in a crazy book or a fake story someone made up. I was a young 14 year old who was in a abusive relationship and after it was broken off it followed me into my first year of high school. He was telling everyone a bunch of insane stories about how we had sex everyday and he spent the night almost every weekend. The only time I ever saw him was when he was standing at my locker and then he either was asking […]
I am 15 years old about to turn 16, I have attempted suicide before but my parents got me ‘help’. I had been doing good for the past months but lately it seems like my problems are coming back and the suicide thoughts are as well and I feel like thing won’t get better anymore. I don’t have anyone to talk to because no one really cares or seems to understand please help