When I was a little girl, I knew nothing of the word ‘ hate ‘ . I knew no sadness, I was so carefree, I did what I could to make others pleased. I was blind to what my brother was doing to me , blind to see that it wasn’t my fault. After I walked in on my first brother shooting him self in the head , my sweet careless brother
. I noticed my second brother had changed toward me , I noticed he was more hostile. He beat me every night , he kicked my ribs till’ I heard them crack. He […]
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Parents
So I live in a house with my 2 parents and 3 younger sisters. I also have 2 older sisters, but my family broke a little while back and I am no longer allowed to talk to one of them. Somewhere in the midst of my family breaking, my relationship with my parents also broke. I can’t explain why, but I can’t talk to them. Any time they are around, I have absolutely no personality. I never show happiness, sadness, anger, anything. Only when they are around though, it is strange. When they are gone I have a huge personality, I’m funny and sarcastic, loud […]
My parents dont give a shit about me, or how I feel about anything. Only that I get good grades. If i get any less than a A they scream and shout at me and take away the only things I enjoy-My xbox, and laptop. I only enjoy these, because when I play games I can escape to another world. I have tried to kill myself three times already… One time one of my parents saw me trying and didnt even bat an eyelid. They couldnt have cared less. The only people I care about in the world are my friends.. And even they are […]
I can’t actually remember how it started. I’m not sure if I can even call it depression. Most of my life I have been surrounded by control. I have been from place to place. My parents had me at 14 so things were crazy growing. I barely ever saw them. Now I live with my father because I have a mother who is going through problems I don’t like to talk about.
I let myself be controlled, and even if i want to, I cant stand up for myself. I’m 17, and in school I just some weird lesbian (I’m not lesbian but people […]
Within the next few weeks, I am going to commit suicide. I have wanted this for so long but as the day draws closer and closer I am noticing things that are going to be hard to say goodbye to and people who’s lives are going to be changed forever when I am gone.
Mom and Dad,
I have always had a horrible relationship with my parents. They suffer from depression and bipolar as well so they are not exactly the best parents. But I walk by their room and see them sitting peacefully, watching tv or reading, and I feel so horribly guilty because I know […]
First of all, I want to preface this post by saying that, while my problem may not come close to some of the situations you might face each day, the emotional distress, uselessness and inadequacy I feel is just as intense.
I go to a private school, where the tuition is more than many colleges. Everyone at my school is going to become a doctor or a lawyer or a fundamental physicist. I don’t want to be any of these. All i want to do is teach elementary school. Â If that means that i can’t drive an audi or mercedes like my parents, thats fine. Everyday […]
stupid broken life.
almost every night, awful dreams about hiding, being emotionally stripped by what they do to me.
i don’t need to worry about money. i don’t need to worry about what career i should take. i don’t need to worry about how i look. pretty good huh?
every day i wake up and for a second i forget who i am. then the pain comes. it hurts inside, everywhere. all the time. it tints my vision. i am numb usually. i don’t feel real. nothing feels real. it’s my mind’s way of protecting me. so every minute, one minute at a time, i am alive.
always anxious. […]
I fuked up. About a year and a half ago I became addicted to painkillers I’ve been on suboxone for the past 6 month’s my wife found the suboxone pills about 4 months ago so I came clean and she left me and took my 1yr old daughter with her and is using my past drug problem against me to get custody and prevent me from regularly seeing my daughter I also got caught shoplifting about a month ago and during my addiction I used my corporate credit card for work to take cash advances to pay for my pills work found out fired me […]
I don’t know why I’m writing this, maybe it’s to release all my feelings somehow but I don’t think it’ll make a difference. I didn’t have a great childhood. My parents always fought and my dad was/is abusive. It hurt to see him hurt my mom and my two younger sisters. I used to care that he hit me but I got used to it and I just wanted to protect everybody else. Heck, I used to crave him abusing me because in my head that meant scars, bruises, belt marks. Evidence. I hoped that one day it would get so bad that someone would […]
the reason i have been a total jerk on here is cause of my family my parents think my brother and sister are golden children and im the retarded runt of the litter. whenever i do something right its the wrong way to do it.but when my siblings do something wrong like smoke weed its all okay.but with me they act like im a disgusting thing that they wish wasnt theres.
I think it’s really nice how some people on this site just wish others good luck, for there suicide to be quick and peaceful rather than trying to convince them otherwise and probably just make them feel more pathetic. It’s also very cute reading through the comments and seeing that someone out there has made a difference to somebody and helped them through. It’s also great to see people finding others out there who feel exactly the same as they do and others offering there contact details so they can talk things through. 🙂
On another subject I wonder how young some people are when […]
This is my first non poem post in a long time. If you haven’t seen them, please look them up and tell me what you think. Anyway, on to the post.
I did it. I managed to get myself discharged from all psychiatric treatment. No more therapists, no more psychologists, no more meds or anything. It’s bittersweet. I knew they weren’t helping, but I don’t know what else to do. Everything they did wasnt working, so im back to my own methods of coping. So what if they’re unhealthy? They work. One joint makes me feel better for longer than a weeks worth of SSRIs. […]
so its been a while since i wrote something on here so here it is . i have to take summer school beacuse in 9 grade i failed on my credites  it was because of my anxiety i would never come to school i hated being there beacause  i always felt trapped .today i started online summer school it was easy and cool forr mee beacuse you  only misss one day iff you miss another day they kick you out so im doing it online . i felt calm and relaxed not like in regular school wwere im shaking or crying .i ave to do […]
i haven’t been on here much but i think im okay but i dont at the same time im starting to fight with my parents more witch is not okay. there saying its all my fault all the bad things happen to them… i just think it would be better if i just left… i cry every time i say that.. i really do. they ruin every thing thats good in my life. im not important anyway so whats the big deal if i leave?
wow, it scares me who i have become in just 15 years. i remember being very young 0-6 didnt give a fuck bout anything mainly cuz i was happy i lived in beautiful California had great parents (who gave me whatever i wanted) then a week before my 7th birthday my sister was born. then my life changed our house was way to small for a family of 4 so a year later we moved we were stuck in ahotel for 2 weeks before we finally got the keys to our new house which to me is way to huge for just 4 people i […]
So many times i’ve felt like giving up on life, im only 14 and already i guess i’ve been through alot more then any other 14 year old.I was a victim of severe bullying and having that happen straight after i was cheated on was to much for me.  Its the fact that anything sharp was the first thing i’d turn to scares me, i’ve atempted suicide twice now but everytime i try i just stop, i can’t do it knowing now that i actually have friends that care about me also my parents. What would they think? I have scars all up my arm and some […]
yeah thanks mom and dad for screwing my dream of being a model. yeah i knew it was unlikely anyway but u criticize me for taking pictures of myself thinking im doing all of it for attention FUCK NO! yes i know i may be beautiful but im no size 4 u still have no right to flat out say “honey, your just not skinny enough they will destroy u put u on a diet to lose weight i dont want u to become obsessed with size look at me dear im fat and can careless u should do the same” u have gotta […]
I remember when I was a little girl - watching Nickalodean, eating junk food and playing video games. Sad and alone because the kids at school bullied me, hated me, and my parents thought I was just being a drama queen when I told them.
Now, here I am. I just finished my Freshman year of high school.
The bullying’s stopped a lot. By no means am I popular, I’m shy and antisocial, but I have a few real friends now who back me up.
But now I smoke pot. I cut myself and am suicidal. I’m secretly bi-sexual and dating my best friend, who’s also suicidal. My dad hates […]
I read about all these teenagers and people in their early 20s feeling suicidal. I remember being in that age group and feeling the same way. Hope always got me through. Now I’m 51. I’m single. Nothing to show for my life except that I’ve survived. That’s my accomplishment. I still feel like giving up. Every day. Themes such as ‘hope’ and ‘potential’ don’t mean as much once you cross into your 50s. I used to think that one day I would meet a girl and we would fall in love have a great life together with children and family trips and I would be […]
I’m a christian. I love God with all my being, but i always wonder to myself why I’m here. My life is a miserable wreck. I’m fat and ugly. I’m not “popular”. I have almost no friends. My family is way messed up. My Dad doesn’t give a crap about me and my step mom is a snobby psycho. My sister is moved in with us for reasons I have no right to explain. My sisters daughter is everything I’m not and makes me feel jealous everyday, my little brother is a major douche bag and is probably going to end up caught […]