I just want to sleep now and never wake up again. I sent an email to my mum confessing that I was diagnosed as depressed and with an anxiety disorder too. I don’t think she has read it yet but she looked my straight in the eye and said to me “I don’t give a fuck.” Â She asked me earlier to tidy my room but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I said il get around to it and thats when she said it. Im just pathetic. I adore my mum and its devastating to think that she might hate me for my illness. […]
Tag:
Parents
I don’t really know what to do anymore. I’m done with the denial. I have Meniere’s disease (self diagnosed), I can’t hear from my right ear, I probably never will and there’s nothing anyone can do. The doctors tell me i’m fine, my friends say it will pass,and when i try to talk to my parents seriously about it they get mad and say my hearings going to come back. I’m tired of it. I want to be taken seriously damn it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. All I really can do is wait to get blood tests,wait to get a hearing […]
I don’t understand how all these little things can hold me back. Make me feel afraid. Too afraid to actually go through anything, and I all can manage is to hurt myself.
She’s one of the reasons why I’m holding on. She makes me feel so happy when I’m with her, and whenever I talk to her, I just end up smiling. I forget the rest of the world and I just want to be with her, always talking, somehow always communicating. Cause she’s one of my lifelines making me stay here.
The endless possibilities. The curiosity of what life will be like if I stick through […]
I just wanna know if this is the right thing to do?
I haven’t been to school for the last three days, I told my mum it was because I felt ill. I deliberatly made myself ill so that I wouldn’t have to go. The reason is, I get bullied really badly at school all because of this boy who found out that I self harmed and that I’m suicidal. He spread it round the school and now everyone knows, I’m too scared to talk to anyone and I’m too scared to go to school. Also I have so much homework that I haven’t done because […]
I have had severe depression for way to long. I used to be so happy and creative and wished I could live forever a long time ago I cant even imagine wanting to live forever now. I have lost all interest in everything in life, peoples advice is usually “Do what you enjoy doing” The problem is I have no hobbies,interests, and cant think of even one thing I enjoy doing. I feel so burned out like nothing is ever new and even if I have never done somthing it feels like Ive done it 10,000 times before. I have never had a girlfriend and […]
It calls it does again and again
Begging and pleading saying “Let me come in”
You feel it aproaching quickening its feet
Bringing death and disaster to all it does meet
Awake at midnight you feel it’s power
Have the urge to end your hour
A slip of the blade a drop of red
Breath does fade At last your dead
The sun rises and bids the day
Your parents open the door to wake
You from your slumber and then they see
Your bloodied form has gone to sleep
~as always grammar is not present here. deal with it.~
my parents know that i am really depressed. they take me to doctors and therapists and they pick up my prescriptions.
i feel like they should have a little more logic…
…they still let me collect knives.
i dont cut very often but still, shouldnt it be logic to not let a depressed kid have a collection of knives? also they know im good at sharpening… i cut a penny in half with one of my knives once.
i just think that its weird that they never though that a bunch of knives could be a BAD thing? is that just […]
Most people would say I have a pretty average life. I have two married parents and a healthy sister. I don’t have or know everything in fashion, but I do dress decently. I have some acne. My hair frizzes out from time to time. And I have plenty of friends.
But what they don’t know is this. My two married parents talk about divorce. They fight all the time. Even my mom is a recovering alcoholic. My sister may be healthy, but she tells me I don’t deserve to live, nobody likes me. My clothes have to cover my back because the […]
I lied… I lost all of my friends… they are constantly bitching me out now… I need someone to talk to me… Should I try suicide? I dont want to end it all but with my parents yelling at me non-stop… It might be the answer….
I don’t have a sob story. I have never been abused. My parents are alive and healthy as are my siblings.
I’m almost sure I have depression, I have every single one of the signs, but I don’t want to tell my mom.
I’m not pretty, I have an oddly shaped face and horrible eyebrows that no matter how much I pay to have them shaped, their just never pretty. My eyes are nothing special, same as my nose, and my lips are incredibly thin. My hair is a ugly blond-ish brown that just looks greasy all the time. I’m not smart, I’m not athletic, I’m not […]
I’m 13. Lately, I’ve had a lot of stuff going on in my life, and here goes. Once I started secondary school, I started to get bullied, my hair looked greasy which was natural. I got called either ‘Greaseball’ or ‘Frying Pan’. It was horrible. My whole school called me it. It started to wear off. Once it wore off, I had a perfect life. My mum had just given birth to my baby brother and sister which were twins (Aged 1). I thought I had everything, I did. Then I started making new friends, and one of them I just loved. We started talking […]
Before I begin with my story, let me just say that I’m staring death in the face and I’m at the end of my pitiful rope. It’s a long story so please get comfortable. At the very end, is a letter to my love.
September 25, 2010 – The day my life would change forever.
I had been talking to this girl I liked for a while now, we had a lot in common, so we set up a movie date. September 25 was our first date. She looked beautiful that summer night. I remember what she wore, how her hair was, and most of all, that […]
This is my first time on the website, so I hope I don’t break any rules or something.
My story is pretty standard: a strict family, crippingly high expectations, and an inability to ever deliver what they wanted culminated in chronic depression and very bad self esteem. I once brought home a B+ for a 7th grade science class. My parents screamed at me and insulted me until I was literally on my knees, sobbing, begging them to stop.
In high school I was absolutely miserable. Because I was shy and socially awkward, I was unpopular, completely ignored. I did well in my classes, but of course not nearly well enough to please my parents. Nobody talked to […]
The long, sad story of my self-hate and depression:
I know there’s something wrong with me.. i feel there’s something wrong with me.. there HAS to be something wrong with me. I miss my old self. I miss being normal. I’m just getting more and more pathetic day by day. I can’t really explain what’s happening to me. I try to make sense out of it and i can’t. I’ve heard there’s a period of self-hate during life, but it’s just been getting stronger and stronger. Maybe some people just never grow out of it?
To break it down.. i’m a useless piece of sh_t. I have no […]
Before I begin with my story, let me just say that I’m staring death in the face and I’m at the end of my pitiful rope. It’s a long story so please get comfortable.
September 25, 2010 – The day my life would change forever.
I had been talking to this girl I liked for a while now, we had a lot in common, so we set up a movie date. September 25 was our first date. She looked beautiful that summer night. I remember what she wore, how her hair was, and most of all, that long hug she gave me when I first walked up […]
Yesterday, I got arrested for obstructing justice. My parents were not pleased, obviously. Especially my father. I don’t have a close relationship with my father, so I think it was pretty easy for him to disown me as his son. My mom tried to defend me and say that I’ve accompolished a lot in my lifetime, but then my dad pointed a finger at me and said, “when the fuck was the last time this stupid son of a ***** did ANYTHING right? Give me date!”. I wanted to stab him so bad… But then I realized he was right. I haven’t done shit with […]
Phone rings
Don’t wanna pick it up
I’m so scared
I’m gonna say too much
I tip toe around your questions
Why you gotta dig so deep?
Tears fall
And the glasses break
Inside these walls
The floor boards shake
From outside
It’s alright
Long as you looking from fifty feet
I been trying trying
Hold my head up high
I been lying lying
Keeping it all inside
Trying not to trust you, yeah
Take another leaf, I’m broke yeah yeah?
I’m done, I give up
I don’t wanna pretend no more
That’s it, so what
I’ve lost a friend before
Gonna say it like it is
No […]
Today I was braver than I have been in a long time.
Last year I began starving and throwing up to lose weight. It became a major problem but I made sure no one told. It got better for a few weeks, then took a plunge in December. Coaches, teachers, and friends grew extremely concerned, but I tried making everyone believe I was fine. They saw through me and I started having routine visits to our guidance counselor to check up on me. I lied to her. She found out I lied. I was forced into counseling. At first, I thought I would try, but I […]
It would seem as though I have a lot. Well-off family, decently attractive, intelligent…the list goes on. Sometimes, I feel like such an asshole for even feeling lousy when so many people in the world are suffering and have none of the things I have. But I just cant find a way to be happy.
I was adopted, so I don’t even know my medical history. Depression in the family? Who knows. I am 22 now and should be graduating from college, but I have transferred twice and can’t connect socially with anyone, anywhere. Everyone thinks I am super smart and know everything, but then why […]
My wish is to not have been born. I’m not good at living. It exhausts me. Physically and mentally. I’m exhausted every day from simple things like having conversations. I don’t want to kill myself. That is, I like the thought, but then I think of how this would destroy my parents, and I just can’t be that selfish. It’s hard for me to be myself with people. And I wish I had one person I could feel totally at ease with. But I think I feel that myself is not good enough, or that I don’t know who “myself” is, and then I feel […]