My name is Hannah, I’m 22 and I plan on ending my life. It may not be today, tomorrow, a week from now or this month, but it will happen. I already have it planned out. I know exactly how I’m going to go. I’ve written a will and what and who I want at my funeral, not that it matters since I wont be alive to witness it. I’ve done my research if I will go to heaven or not and I got the answers I need.
I have everything going for me, why would I do such a thing to my loved one? I […]
Most of my life is dominated by fear. So why not lay it out. What’s the worst thing that I can imagine?
I suppose it’s experiencing neverending pain, torment, horror, terror etc. That’s what ideas of hell tend to invoke. It’s hard to imagine feeling that kind of extreme negative emotion non-stop, for all eternity. Surely you’d become numb to any kind of torture, given enough time. But I can’t dismiss it entirely. The idea of hell has a deep grip on a part of my psyche. Because it feels I deserve that kind of punishment. I can’t really square that with my rational side. I […]
Walking back to work today from my lunch break, I started thinking about the piano(keyboard) sitting in my apartment. I’ve had it for a year but have only played with it twice; still on the first couple pages of my 6 week lesson guide. I bought it to fulfill part of the destiny I laid out for myself. When you’re as cowardly as I am, suicide is nothing more than a silent longing, and so I fully expect myself to reach old age.
If and when I do make it to gray hair and wrinkles, I want to be away from society and on a farm. […]
I have read The Peaceful Pill and I think I know how I’d like to go. I won’t post it but knowing the how somehow gives me a slight sense of peace in amongst all the chaos.
A very small part of me tells me to keep going, struggle on. A mountainous part of me however speaks to the contrary telling me that my struggle has been long (and it has) with no hope of living any sort of life away from the angst that consumes me. I have posted before parts of my struggles. They don’t begin to explain the war that exists inside of […]
It feels like ages ago that I met my boyfriend, only it’s only been a matter of weeks. That time, I was still paying for my own rent with my part time job, and going for a language class.
I was contented with my life that time, because I lived in the same city as my younger sister, who was attending university there. I was new to the city myself, so I had no friends except those I saw in class. It was hard to talk to them more than just “schoolmates” so it was bland for my tastes. I decided to get some folks to […]
Where do I begin with the shit excuse of a life I have to live? Where do I not begin? Well, my problems aren’t temporary…at least not all of them. It’s not something that some simple exercise can get rid of or basic makeup. It’s…hard to explain but it makes me wish my problems could just consist of being “fat” or having been molested, being poor, or whatever temporary pain someone is going through. Because in my opinion those are things you can overcome. They are permanent and you can make a change. What I go through everyday has been going on for years.
I’m 20 […]
My name is Ariel
never really done this, talk about how I feel out in the open with people. I’m 24 been thinking about suicide since I was 16. I haven’t hust thought about it I’ve actually tried a few times. Could never really go thru with it completely. But I’ve tried. The worst part is that I know who I would be hurting, what I would be losing, I see the beauty of life, I see how beautiful the sky is when the sun is slightly shining upon my face, even tho it’s 100 degrees outside. I see the meaning of life In my little […]
The building is falling part by part, day after day, so the question is:
Jump now or die in the debris?
No more heart or diabetes meds………..time to let nature take its course. I flushed them all down the toilet.
I’m not angry or seeking to hurt anyone. What I am, is lonely to the point of exhaustion. There is nothing out “there” because there is nothing in “here”, no value, no worth and no reason to exist. I know it sounds dramatic, but I just want to rest, to sleep and be at peace.
I could be here for days, weeks, months or even years more. I don’t know.
There was an actor named George Sanders. His most famous film, I would say, was All About Eve, which […]
Today I woke up to a very shitty morning and a job I hate. I don’t hate the job per se but I just lost interest in the things that I used to hold dear. I posted a part of my story on here a few days back so I don’t wanna regurgitate any of my erst while ramblings. But for those reading a post by me for the first time, I mentioned how I’d dropped out, lost my job a couple years ago after being decimated by a bout of depression. I took to vagabondage and sloth after that dreadful scenario because I had […]
I was happy before the pain began. I was a better person.
Going on three years now of a mystery illness that’s drained me of who I am. Been to several doctors this past year, took a whole year off from college and still no answers. I have just continued to feel worse and worse. I have lost all functionality as a human being. My family now expects me to get a job because at 22 I can’t be taken care of forever but I can’t work.
I don’t want to kill myself because of a lack of caring on anyone’s part. My family has helped me […]
I think I may have cancer. I found what could be a lump. Of course it could be lots of others things. Or nothing at all. The rational thing would be to get it checked out. But a part of me thinks ‘If it is cancer, then that’s for the best. Let it spread.’ It would be a way out. I wouldn’t have to commit suicide. I wouldn’t have to do that to my parents. They wouldn’t be left with all the anger, confusion, and bitterness that suicide brings. There’d still be grief, but they could find closure and move on. I could talk to […]
For a person that is already struggling and have been struggling for years there to see those is alot of extra hurt and pain when those ones closes to You don’t really try to help support or care so You continue to EXPERIENCE A LIFE FULL SORROW AND DISPAIR THAT IS PLACED ON YOU IN THE FORM OF MENTAL ILLNESS! Which through My Wife And Two Daughter’s Eyes, Which By The Way, Believe In Christ Jesus, Plan And Simple That Their Husband And Father is just “CRAZY!” How fun and rewarding it is to see those closes to You are more than Willing To Help […]
Spitting fire
Pointed towards
The gloomy pyre
The festival is bright
Like your eyes
Remember the days?
I do
I’ll always remember you
Head bowed
I let a tear slip
Quickly it evaporates
But not before I pass on
It is clear
In my mind there is peace
Bollocks to GCHQ people who want to kill themselves due to the intrusiveness and ill autonomy of life want to snoop on us who feel naked, exposed, shamed and guilty with a history that included over zealous parents, another own goal for the assholes working for government who has destroyed america through drugs, illegal or otherwise, and the looting of the taxpayer and the economy. retards in hell deserve to leave a hell of a future for their kids in the future- what goes around comes around- twats
Everyone has exes, everyone has little pieces of their heart that belong to other people, and it just becomes a part of who you are.
If I love enough people, will there be no more pieces of my heart that can belong to others?
Is it worth to live without a heart?
I am so lonely.
i write the moon for you
the sad silver part
you thought would never shine
for you
i write the waves for you, soft currents
i know your pain is so immense
the moments they rejected you
let the waves wash healing waters
over all of you
let the moon cast away the darkness
with its silver beauty
forked tongue not of death but licking you clean
let the honey wash and heal you
i know this road is bitter
trust me, my darling
and some day let every word you could never utter
be spoken
like beauty
pearled
So, I had a conversation today:
Me: Hey…
Sister’s friend: Hi (my name), how are ya?
Me: Alive.
Sister’s friend: *nervous laughter* Well, that’s good.
Me: Depends on your perspective.
Sister’s friend: *more nervous laughter* You’re funny…
This aggravates me, far be it from me to seek attention or, god forbid, support, but it seems like people, especially the ones around me, feel comfortable ignoring every snide and brutally honest comment I make, do I have to hold up a sign?
Hell, while I’m reminiscing, gather ’round kids, let me tell you a story:
Late(ish) last year, I was walking home, along a busy street, when some kids started […]
I’m happy sometimes. I met this girl thousands of miles away and she makes me happy. But sometimes I just get really sad out of nowhere. I get down on myself and hate every part of my being. I think about suicide really often, I have been for three whole years now. I even went to therapy but I stopped going because it didn’t work or feel right. I feel fucking insane.
Writing is a huge part of me as a person. When I’m lonely or depressed, or even when I’m feeling suicidal, I sit down in front of my computer and write a short story about depression. Sometimes the character kills herself in the end, and sometimes she drifts off to sleep and the ending becomes ambiguous. Sometimes it’s not even about suicide. But writing fills me with hope, and it seems to be something I can follow.
One day I went to my Language Arts teacher to talk about a poor grade I had received on a allegorical-type story. I asked her if she had interpreted it wrong […]
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