Over the months I have been trying to become more social. I went through a suicidal phase at the end of last year for about 3 months and it feels like its coming back. After being separated from work for “not fitting in”. Its tough for me to fit in with people that wont understand. I am a ex-army medic and how will they understand… we cannot show them… Tossed in the trash by the people you defended is pretty good reason to not be here anymore. To think I would have given my life for these people.
Tag:
phase
Mom I need help.
*rolls up sleeve
Mom I can’t stop.
*pulls out blade from pocket
Mom please help me.
*falls to knees and starts to cry
Mom why don’t you understand.
Mom why do you say it’s a phase.
Mom I’ve been like this for ages.
Mom just listen.
Mom don’t leave.
Fine, mom I’ll fix myself.
But mom, no promises.
I told my sister I was sick and she didn’t believe me. Not until I mailed her a suicide note and travelled to a far away destination where I booked a cottage to kill myself. She sent me a lot of texts telling me how much she loved me but it was too late. Ingested the poison but was discovered by one of the custodians, rushed to hospital and later shipped back home where I was committed to a psyche ward.
All this happened 2 months ago. I am still here and still standing. Trying to recover from that nasty experience is not an easy task. Finding […]
Nobody cares but I need to vent.
So after summer vacations and in the first week of school I tried to kill myself 2 times with pills, one of those times I got 3 days in hospital. After that I started medication and got a bit better. The friendship with my “best friend” is now in a strange phase. I made mistakes that I regret, he is really ice cold and has been avoiding me. This hurts so much that I am getting bad again. Actually I am good sometimes and bad other times, like a rollercoaster and the new medication I started this month is […]
What do you do, with the pain – the despair. When you come to believe that it’s not just a passing phase, or something for you to overcome. When it’s been 8 long years rather than 6 months. When your hope is gone, and you can’t think of anything else to try. When you come to accept that this is who you are, and likely always will be. When doing even basic things is a struggle, because nothing seems worthwhile, and your brain won’t focus on anything.
When you won’t end it, because you can’t do that to your parents – who sacrificed so much, and […]
I am nearing my point in which I will be ready to end it. Long story short I am a miserable dissapointment and life would be better for all that I loved if I were gone. I have made my arrangements and have financial taken care of (almost) for my children and girlfriend/fiance. No one knows that I am on my way out,and I would like to keep it that way. My question is,would it be selfish of me to make it so my best friend is the one who discovers my body? I would have documentation for him to read following his discovery,an I […]
Dear life,
I’m sorry. i guess I should start with that. I’m sorry for failing you. I’m sorry that it didn’t get better. That the things I’ve done have left scars on my body and the scars on my heart. I’m sorry that I didn’t try to smile more genuinely. I’m sorry that my laugh was plastic and stale. I’m sorry I spoke to loudly or never spoke at all. I’m sorry that I didn’t try to fall in love. I’m sorry I was so afraid of falling in love. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the best me I wanted. I’m sorry that my “phase” got […]
They say it’s okay.
That it’s gonna get better.
They don’t understand.
They think it’s a phase.
That we’re just overreacting.
They think we’re okay.
They see the fucking signs,
They just don’t care.
They don’t hear the voices.
They don’t feel the pain.
They don’t know.
And we won’t tell.
Death.
You heard me. All I want from this life, all I’m asking, is to just fucking die. I don’t want no well-paid job, no expensive car(s), no bank accounts full of money… I just want to be exterminated from this world, and return to my place of origin, the place I was before being born, wherever that is…
The thing holding me back? My parents. They might not feel very close to me (well, at least one of them may not), but I love them more than anything, even though they walk on my fucking nerves sometimes and don’t give a fuck about how I feel…
My […]
I think its time for me to open up. I want to tell my mom but I don’t know how to. I was about 14 when I was rapped. I thought she was my friend, but I guess wrong. She said that if I didn’t let her, she would kill me. I was scared for my life that I let it happen. I feel like it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have let it happen. I would go into detail on how it happen, but I don’t think anyone wants to read about that. I feel like if I tell my mom she might blame herself […]
I’ve suffered from depression since I can remember.
I attempted suicide when I was thirteen. According to my mother, it was a phase.
I’ve been flirting with anorexia for years. That, she said, was a phase too.
But my mother was often naive about a lot of things.
Like her husband for example. He’s cheated, he’s lied, he hit her and sexually abused her.
My mom was ill. Most of what I remember of her was her being admitted in to hospitals. She was blind. I thought most of her ailments were due to the fact that she had diabetes since she was 11 years […]
Got a new antidepressant. Trazodone, starting with 50 mg = one pill.
Feel like reading a book? Forget about it, you’re tired as hell.
Feel like going to sleep? Forget about it, you’ll end up gazing at the ceiling.
Feel like having sex? Forget about it. You can’t come.
Plus migraines, headaches (which are actually mild migraines, I think), I have the need to piss too many times a day. And dizziness, fucking dizziness.
So yeah, professor, I think I am getting well. That’s fucking helping.
Note: I wrote the above out of pure rage and I know that the professor is not to blame. It also may […]
I don’t want to be reminded how undeniably identical we all are. The irony is that I want to be different, a never-before-seen version of the human mind. And this equates to one great big cliché, great. I’m a cliché.
As a child I was led to believe that my future would be full of wonder and adventure and discovery. But I was not born in a fairy tale, I was born into this life consisting of education, work, retirement and death.
I don’t want to simply blend into the blur of human existence. My goal is not to change the world nor is it to stand out from the crowd. What I […]
I’m so sad all the time… all I want to do is cry, it’s gotten so bad that I can’t control the tears anymore..
What’s wrong with me??? I need help.. but how? I tried telling my mom Im depressed.. but I couldn’t.. because she’ll ignore it and tell me to power through my phase.. I guess that’s what they should end off with at my funeral; she powered through
Last monday marked the year mark since I tried to commit suicide, it’s been a very hard three years, somedays I just break down crying wondering how I ever got to this point in my life. I’ve been this way my whole life, I can remember suffering with depression as a child waiting to grow up thinking I would grow out of this. Thinking that the heavy sadness I felt was just a phase. It’s a sadness that has taken over my life and i wonder how different things would have been if only I had, had the courage to seek help when I was […]
You know its been a long time since I last smiled.I’m not talking about a casual smile…I’m talking about a real smile, a smile that actually means something.sure when I watch comedies I sometimes laugh, and that intern produces a smile.but these days my laughs and smiles feel more forced than anything.it gets tiring having to put on this mask of mine.its hard and it only serves to make me feel much more alone than I already am.im tired.I would love to sleep.I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up.i wish that I could dream a good dream and never wake […]
I have epilepsy, and have had feelings of cognitive fuzziness and generally psychological and psychosomatic discomfort for some time now.
I am now going to try to mitigate, if not eliminate, these effects brought about by both my condition and the medication I use to treat said condition with marijuana.
I’m hoping the effects yielded by the THC will put a stop to the discomfort, and I hope that just maybe it will improve my cognitive clarity.
Do I have case studies or any scientific research to support my experiment? No.
That’s what makes it fun I suppose, among other things.
Wish me luck, I’m off to conduct phase 1.
I’m tired of life, i am so tired that today i forgot to hide my wrist. I am so caught up and lost in this depression that i don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. My mother saw my cuts, she yelled and i yelled. I am now placed in therapy and under suicide watch. I am trapped , i can no longer be alone and that just makes me want to die more. My next cut is going to be deeper and the other deeper and deeper. Am i hurting others? Or am i just hurting myself ? i thought i was […]
palying with friends turned into playing with blades. broken toys turn into broken hearts. best friends turn into strangers. happiness turns into pain. this isnt a phase it is reality. this thing about pain is it demands to be felt. i just wish i could have one more day with out being sad. its like im drowning and everyone above me is just saying swim. you see i cant be foxed no matter how many cuts i make no matter how many pills i take. i will always live in pain… theres not a thing i can do about it.
Hi
I’m completely new to this site and I’m not really sure what kinds of things people post but here goes.
I am 23 years old and people think I’m a happy and normal person but I’ve been suffering from bipolar disorder for 5 years. The depression I experience in cycles is becoming too much and I can’t hide it anymore. When I’m like this I am such a drain on my family and I just don’t see an end to it. This is why I want to end it all.
There is one thing stopping me. Despite being completely non religious, I keep having this horrible anxiety […]
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