Last week I found this website and thought it might help to get all my feelings out because I kind of hold them back. Actually I hold them back a lot. For some reason I started to not sleep again and I know when I don’t get sleep things get bad. But they haven’t gotten this bad since my suicide attempt last year. I don’t know what I was doing but two days ago I just started taking some pills I had. My boyfriend could tell something was wrong and said he was coming over by the time he had gotten here I had taken […]
Pills
Not Exactly Sure How To Start These. I’m Just Gonna Wing It.
From The Time I Was In Kindergarden I Was Bullied. Pushed Around, Bothered. No One Really Ever Left Me Alone. It Wasn’t Until 4th Grade It Started Getting Bad. I Started Getting In Trouble In School, I Owed 6,000 Hours Of Community Service By The Time I Had Finished 5th Grade. The Beginning Of 6th My Life Started Going Downhill Fast, My Parents Got Divorced, Week To Week With Mom And Dad. I Was Severely Unwanted At My Dad’s House. My Aunt Lived Next Door And My Uncle Lived Across The Street, I Couldn’t […]
I am on seaside with my family.Only my mom saw my cuts on legs and arms but she didnt tell father,i told her not to.Because i promised her that i stopped self harm.And i did stop but the will is still here.I ignore it.I have bf ,and fisrt time in life i think love does exist.I love him,he loves me,our love is strong,he keeps me alive,he is giving me reason to live .He kisses scars on my skin,he try really hard to help me.
But today i snapped.I just broke.I run to the sea ,jump in in,and tried to drown myself .Nobody was watching,i could do […]
I’m so tired.
I’m tired of telling myself that my life worth living.
Just wait. Everything will be alright. You will survive.
But no.
I can’t take it. Not anymore.
I’m so tired of my mother.
“Don’t open your mouth you’re little stupid shit.” I’m sorry but I’m 18 I’m not little silly girl.
‘”You’re not going to achive anything in this life”. Okay.
”You’re fucking useless I’m so tired of you.” I’m sorry.
“I’m just worried about you and your future.” Hell no if you cared you wouldn’t say things that always let me down.
I’m just so t i r e d.
I agree with my mother, I know that I’m useless and […]
I m so lost.
I relapsed.
there is now a cut on my hipbone and I cant stop touching it. feeling the upraised skin and the heat. I haven’t felt this felling for almost four and a half months. now its back and I really just need someone to talk to. a few people know I used to cut, but they have no idea about the daily struggle to actually keep going with life.
to not use the pills or the blade and smile.
its so hard.
my failed attempt just keeps haunting me and I want to do it right. Its getting harder and harder to block out the […]
When I look forward and try to picture my future I see absolutely nothing. That petrifies me, that feeling of dread catches in my lungs and I don’t know what to do. How do I make it go away? Dear god I need something. The blade is not enough anymore, I love her, I always will, but it’s becoming dull. I fantasise about suicide, the how’s and when’s … pills or hang from a rope or a trip off a ledge, if you dare. I want more than anything to make it stop; I need it all to fucking stop. I have never attempted, I […]
I’m done trying. I tried to make things better for so long and it never works for me because good things never happen to me. So soon I will make my first attempt with a shit ton of pills and if that does not work I will go sit on the train tracks.
I’ve had depression for about 2 years now, and i finally thought i was actually getting better, until about 3 days ago…it all started again, the constant bullying, verbal abuse off family, I’ve lost practically all my friends…I get called ‘cutter’ or ‘suicidal freak’ at school, no one can accept me for who I am…I think about it every night. I stare at the bottles of pills, the razor blades and think should I do it? I’m not scared. I’m not scared whatsoever, its just like going into a long sleep and having an amazing dream, apart from you’ll never wake up, and tonight something […]
“keep listening to music because it gets you through everything”
life saving bands:
Never Shout Never
Pierce the Veil
Sleeping with Sirens
Suicide Silence
Of Mice & Men
My Chemical Romance
Enter Shikari
Bring Me The Horizon
Black Veil Brides
All Time Low
Falling in Reverse
Fall Out Boy
My Genuine Find
Catching Your Clouds
Motionless In White
The Devil Wears Prada
Blessthefall
We Came As Romans
Attack Attack!
A Day To Remember
Asking Alexandria
Wanna commit suicide? Imagine this.
You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible experience. You were bullied, teased, etc. You go to get your blades, pills, rope, anything. You go get that suicide note that you wrote forever ago. You thought you would never use it. So did everyone else. You cut yourself so deep. The blood won’t stop. You take 5 extra pills. You tie the rope around your neck. You tie it to the ceiling fan. You’re dead. There’s no going back. Your parents get home from work, your siblings home from school. They call your name like a normal […]
Suicide. That thing that describes the action that people want to take upon themselves, to end ones life. To get away from there problems, there thoughts, there own personal hell that they created. This action has crossed my mind many times. I’ve recently been diagnosed with chrons disease, and the physical and mental torture that comes with that is too much. I had suicidal thoughts before this, and when added its becoming a struggle. 6 months before i went to Dr.s to get it checked out i would experience extreme stomach area pain, everyday, all day. When they diagnosed me with it they prescribed medication. […]
I’ve been lying to myself and to everyone else and in my posts on this site for the last few months without really even realising it.
It’s just that I keep telling myself and everyone else that I’m super happy and super confident, telling the small minority of people who knew how broken I was in 2012 that I’m far from that now. I tell myself I’m strong and I’m happy and that I can do anything, when I’m sad I tell myself it’s not permanent and that I have to snap out of it. I’ve shaped myself into an unfeeling ***** and now I have […]
I put a knife to my wrist i began to cut, i hid my scars so no one saw
i just wanted satisfaction of being in charge of something in life i just want to take my mind off of all this pain
all of my emotional pain, depression and stress. i popped pills i tried to overdose for some reason i only passed out
nothing works it’s like i’ve been denied by death , death wants me to be in this torture but i wont stop until this is all over
She doesn’t know how to cope.
She doesn’t see any light.
So she picks up a blade
and cries the whole night.
He drowns his demons
With whiskey and pills
He’s fully aware,
of how much it kills.
She dreams of flight.
But not like the birds.
She just slices through air.
Without any words.
He’ll catch his train,
To the land of dreams
While the life he left behind,
Tears at it’s seams.
I’ll go soon enough but for now
I’ll just wait.
For my demons to guide me to my
dark,
dark,
fate.
the last time i will see the sun come up as i wake
the last time i will look in my closet for what to wear
the last time i kiss my mother goodbye on the way to school
the last time i walk the halls of the murders that killed my confidence
the last time i wave goodbye to my best friend as im getting off the bus
the last time i will greet my younger brothers home from school
the last time i will help with dinner and dishes
the last time i call my dad to tell him i love him
i now dress in my finest clothes
i get the […]
I don’t know why I feel this way
I don’t know why I do this to myself
I don’t know why I cry so much
I don’t know why I tried to kill myself
I don’t know why I push everyone away
I don’t know why I feel so alone
I don’t know why I am anxious
I don’t know why you hate me
But then again i think i do.
Never thought I’d end up here again.
Im sitting on my bed with a pile of pills in front of me and i dont know whether or not to do it. It seems like everyone has given up on me. My mother saw my cuts and everything started falling apart. My sisters have nothing to do with me any more. My parents send me to my room a lot. My friends exclude me from many things. I just want to be normal. I want the cuts to heal, but they cant if i keep making new ones. I dont know why i cant stop.
Im a fail. […]
I see myself driving to the bridge. I see myself popping some pills and driving. it’s the middle of the night and its pitch black outside. I reach the halfway point in the bridge, I slow down and pull over. I have my backpack neatly prepared on the passenger seat. I leave it there to be found. Inside is my cell phone and my journals. its so clear and I am calm. I exit my car and head to the rail. I climb over take one last breath and fall backwards into the water. These thoughts make me feel free. The urge is getting stronger […]
So I’m seventeen, 17, just graduated from high school. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for about 4 or 5 years now. I attempted suicide in 2011 after I was hurt by someone who meant the world to me and I regretted everything. I’ve started up counseling since May 10 this year and have started medication but I still have depressed days and days that are hard to get through. I feel like nothing helps. What broke me is I had a nervous breakdown a few days before I started meds and going to counseling and nearly ended it. I have a box filled with […]
A week leading up to my death, well that will be worth documenting. Next week my family is out of town, which means I will have plenty of time to die. So now I know the date, am I scared? No. Excited? Possibly, at least more so than scared. It feels kind of like planning a fun camping trip except I will not come back. Either way, planning is fun, or that could be my OCD, I don’t know. So what will my last day look like? Well I will wake up probably late and take plenty of time to rest. I will smoke a […]