Perhaps my life! Am I actually very pessimistic or is the world way too unrealistic? Somebody tell me please. I find these words like “hope”, “happy endings”, “it gets better” and “optimism” sweet and nice when I read books or watch movies. When it comes to real life I guess these are cliches over-hyped by people who have never been where most of us have been and even if they have, they have this natural ability to just get out of things happily. You can’t ignore real problems and circumstances. I have gone through a lot and I haven’t been any braver or stronger as […]
I have two kids. I had them young. I am in college. I live in a trailer. I don’t have contact with my parents. I have overdosed once in my life, years back. I was sent to the hospital and there was a series of events. I feel low, just as low as before. I feel like a bad mom for being so depressed. I feel overwhelmed, I hate my life, I hate being alive. I love my kids but I feel bad I don’t love them enough to want to stick around. I don’t want to live. I really don’t. I have almost no […]
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Hello sp peeps.
I found this site a billion years ago. I wonder who of the old regulars are still alive and kicking? I see I must’ve deleted all my old posts except 3.
I am back here now, at this moment because something came over me tonight. (jesus mind the phrasing pls)
Hang in there and you can fucking beat this!!!
Ps. I kinda sorta got married this year <3
Last post on here before this one was somewhere mid September 2013.
Keep it real folks, don’t do stupid shit and know – there’s ALWAYS someone listening even if it is someone that you’ve never met or seen before, believe […]
I feel dead, physically, being so tired, can barely stay awake, and being in so much pain that I can barely move. I fear losing my jobs even though my bosses of one job work in another location from me now, but I know I’m dozing off all the time. It takes 2 muscle relaxers now to get any effect, and I’ve barely touched them. Remember, I asked for the rx to kill myself initially, but since I’m not just yet, I’ve used them sparingly. My back hurts worse than ever, my legs hurt like hell, my knees hurt like hell, the bottoms of my […]
I guess I should start with introductions. I am a 14 year old girl in my Sophomore year of high school. I have hardly any friends, and I wouldn’t consider my blood family, family.
Last week I found out that one of my few friends only wanted to be my friends because he wanted to be with me. He has completely ignored my existence since a mutual friend told him I didn’t want to be with him. Now he is continually posting on Instagram about ‘not being loved’ and how ‘I suck at finding love’ and almost all of the posts are directed towards me.
Now I […]
I’m so lonely and confused about where to go from here. I had started chanting (Nam myoho renge kyo) and although I can’t stick to routines, it really cured me of feeling suicidal and I don’t have that drive anymore. But I don’t know what to do. My life is so empty without my best friend around. I love him more than anything in the universe, more than words could ever express, and he doesn’t feel it because a) I’m fat, b) I’m an introvert, and c) I’ve been living as a guy. I told him that being fat is really an advantage in that […]
I find it extremely difficult to actually make decent real life friends.
I’m 15 years old and all the “Real life friends” ive had up until this point have either used me or don’t care about me and make fun of me.
I made another post about most of my life and in that post I explained how I had cancer from when I was 9 up until I was 14. most of the people I know call me cancer boy and some people act so scared of me because they might catch my disease even though it is not contagious (obviously) and I do not have […]
It is people with problems that have the solution to them (or alternative to ending it in our cases). What would you like to see patent pending for antidepressant innovation? I saw once on RT news word of a “euthanasia roller coaster” and was ….disturbed by it. But it got me thinking about an idea to soothe those evil thoughts of dying without riding a death coaster (no its not a real thing…yet). My invention would be a clip on nose ring that emits whatever smell calms you down… because who can be upset when there’s lavander in the air? But if that fails i […]
I’m coming to the end of 18 days off. I don’t want to go back. I hate it so much. It’s a constant reminder of how isolated I am. I feel so anxious while I’m there. I can barely function, and people treat me like I’m stupid as a result. And it doesn’t even pay enough to build any kind of life.
But I can’t think of a real alternative. I just want it to stop. I can’t bear the thought of another year wasted there, miserable.
Since I was 12 or 13 (over half my life ago), my mind has been consumed to an ever increasing extent by longing. By lust. Though I like to tell myself it’s love – that it’s somehow special.
Behind all my other thoughts is the constant desire to be with whoever I’m most attracted to at the time. Not to be in a real relationship, but to be with the idealised version of them that I’ve created in my head.
This is obviously pretty destructive, since it identifies meaning and happiness with a virtually impossible ideal. But I don’t feel like I can let it go. Something […]
Can you find were the empty beer cans are? yesterday I was craving alcohol and couldn’t sleep because of it. Around 3 pm I took a shower, dressed real nice, got me a bag of water and told my aunt that I was going to take a walk. Knowing I’m an alcoholic, she didn’t bring up any questions to my surprise! I walked a mile to the store, even anxiety couldn’t stop me! I got 12 cans of bud light because they were out of the good […]
This is my current muddled understanding of my situation.
A part of my brain (we’ll call it the emotional part) constantly tells me that something is wrong. I am not what I should be. I do not relate well socially. I do not have social status. I do not have real friends. I do not have a mate. I do not have children. I do not anticipate this changing. This is a problem, apparently.
Why is this a problem? The only reasons I can give are evolutionary – that my brain is a product of a process that elevates those who can maintain good social standing, relate […]
i sense my girlfriend and I splitting up. I’m going to be proactive and make a counselling appointment before things get real tough.
I started to talk to this girl that I met at the strip club. She’s a stripper and we understand each other because we have had similar situations. Been through the same stuff I know her real name and I have her real number and I know things about her and her life that people don’t just give out. But because of her profession which by the way I respect, given her circumstances she has a kid and all and you gotta do what you gotta do well anyway her profession makes me feel like she could be playing me but I recently figured out […]
“Normal life is not real. We are just cogs in a wheel. We work, we hurt, we search, we feel”
—- Canibus
This is going to sound insane, like I’ve lost my mind, or like I’m a real idiot or someone who hasn’t been honest here, but I have been.
So I found a place to live for the next 7 months, provided my work keeps up and I can pay for it. I don’t have a bed though, so I’m on the couch. I’d like to be able to have a bed in my own room though.
Anyway, I’ve been through some real hell with the guy I like blowing up at me when I try to talk about how I feel, which is that the terminology he […]
Well am I ? My home life sucks I know every1 says that but it’s true all my parents do is fight and one second they are in a relationship then they ain’t but they still live in the same house and my mother keeps going on about me not being in a relationship and the only this I think of is them as an example and it real relationships are like my expme the I’m good the the 27 cats and dogs. and if someone gets to close to me all I think is run b coz it’s not going to end well of […]
Why did I even fucking keep trying to find a place to live because now I do have some place to go and I’m just going to disappoint more people when I kill myself in the near future! Now it’s back to being him more than my being homeless. I can’t even talk to him without him finding some way to push me away and dig the knife in deeper like he wants to fucking hurt me all the time!! He can’t just leave it alone and be my friend. he has to constantly push me away and dismiss my feelings as not real and […]
it’s a real love, that provides safe haven against all tragedies…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………i cannot tell him about the progeny of appolymous, ie, the mudd of sin that has left me sullied…..and what acts of deep, deep, deep dark injusticeits; Merriam Webster, latin origin; meaning fucking wrong, any philosophy, any pillar, any principle, will echo this sentiment….the deepest wrongs that have mutilated my soul (fuckin corny, fuckin cliché, I know…I call creative liscence)…the worst of all, worst than the act, worser still than the lingering memory, worser still than the innocence that still lingered ( I still had some? news too me! no matter, it’s past slaughtered now) he sits with me […]