No, before you jump to conclusions I’m not harming myself in any way. This is about someone who I loved but unexpectedly found out he had cheated on me. Though we never made us dating official we where intamit (kissing, cuddling, making out, I would never go as far as that). He was my best friend, my lover and someone who made me in all honesty happy, something most people can’t do. He was kind in helping me.. But in the end I was wrong about him. He has fallen in love with another girl and still had feeling for my sister, lied and told […]
I like to listen to what faces have to say, especially when their mouths are shut. The Man in Black has a face that makes you lean in closer and listen. I want to hear.
Life is the same. Depressing and shit. Blah blah blah. Nobody cares what I say, with or without words. No one leans in closer. No one asks questions even after I offer the answers. Because it’s the same old shit. People want a problem to solve, […]
Most of you are probably gone now, and maybe it’s better that way, since I don’t know if this is a very good side of me.
I was in high school back in the 1980’s.
I was driving on one of the highways into town, and I was listening to a tape of Howard Jones’ “Little Bit Of Snow”.
The song is a plea against suicide. It begs people not to destroy themselves.
I remember listening to the song over and over, loving the poignant music but disagreeing with the message (because of how depressed I was).
There was a car which had stopped in the middle […]
Those are the only two emotions I feel anymore..
When I’m mad I turn into a monster, and feel like I have zero control over myself. This rage is like a hurricane destroying everything, and everyone in my way.
When I’m sad I cry about every little thing, and I mean EVERYTHING.. Someone looks at me the wrong way, and I start tearing up. Something very minor happens in a T.V show, I start balling my eyes out.
My mother is always saying that I need to get out of this “funk” I’m in. What she doesn’t realize is that I honestly cannot remember a time where I […]
I just saw Batman v Superman for the 2nd time and i have to say i have a much higher opinion of it than when I saw it the first time. The more I think about the more i realize how connected to this movie i am. I understand what its like to not be perfect and lambasted for it. I get what its like not to be accepted for what you are. For people to not see how good you are despite your flaws. I understand what its like tl be pre classified based upon criteria you can’t control because you are grouped in […]
I killed a spider today, which makes me arachni-cidal.
If I don’t hurry up and get an oil change for my car pretty soon, I will also be automoti-cidal.
Ever have the vague feeling that someone has been fooling you and lying to you about something and manipulating you all this time, and you’re only now starting to realize the magnitude of it all? Yeah. Me too.
My double vision is getting worse, and when I drove home from symphony rehearsal Tuesday night, I could see two of every sign, and two white lines at the side of the road. At my last medical appointment, I explained this, […]
Fucking hypocrites, everyone of them.
Everyone who judges me and tells me I’m on the wrong path; then I look a little deeper and realize what fucked-up lives THEY lead.
Their own abusive relatives, partners who ignore them, bad marriages, addictions, self-loathing… they need to look at their own fucking problems before they pass sentence on me.
I’m not going to listen to them anymore. I am reaching higher. I am going within and learning to follow my instincts; to listen to my gut, my head, my heart. I am going to hone that skill. All my instincts have been telling me to Be Love. To reach out to those I want […]
It really feels like there is a group of people trying to get me to end my life. I came really close a few weeks ago. I am wondering if these individuals realize that there are Criminal , Civil and punitive charges for these actions ? Even the failure to prevent suicide or death by authorities that I have notified is criminal negligence . The No fear Act , 18 U.S. Code 2340 , 18 U.S. Code 1512 and so many other crimes I am a victim of daily.
Rant time.
I’ve spent hours in the dark with streams going down my face and cracks running along my heart. I’m always trying to put the pieces together.
Why does it feel like my life is crashing like the meteor that killed the dinosaurs?
I have my happiness. . Oh yes, I have it.
But you know that moment it feels like life makes your mind turn your emotions into people and sends them flying at each other with everything they got?
Negatives fighting positives.
Anger, sadness. . Fighting hard to destroy your happiness. To break all that love and strength in your heart.
That moment can make a person feel like they’re […]
For the first time someone envied me. It was my sister nonetheless. She envied my temporarily contentment and mistook it for happiness. Her tear stained cheeks, and hurt smile stirred the inner demons inside of me. The ones that thrived on the lost, the broken. It took a fairly decent amount of my mental health to hug and talk to her about what was bothering her and then sharing some of my *gag* feelings. I had to explain to her that in that moment I am content, not happy but i am okay with just being alive for now. That within an hour or so […]
Day by day, this world is makes less sense. Are Americans really that stupid to think a racist, delusional, pathetic failure of a businessman should be allowed to run the country? Combined with the vanity of ISIS, China and North Korea, this world is going to shit.
If Man’s nature is a lust to feel superior, to control, to dominate than I reject nature and humanity itself. Prideful ideologies unwilling to recognize its failures and accept differences are ingrained into the masses. Yet if those ideologies are destructive, what choice is there but to remove them? To realize one’s mortality and their insignificance is the first […]
First off Im not saying that people here should be out there enjoying life, if they can great.
What I am saying is that in my mind, I have come to realize more and more that there isnt much wrong with the world, I just cant enjoy it.
There are people out there with good friends that they can connect with, or even the strangers that they meet. They can be creative and set goals, be satisfied with what they accomplish and fine with what they dont.
I dont think I can.
I am a mess of emotions and wrong thoughts. A sadist that sucks at life. If I […]
I can’t f***ing believe it. The way I planned isn’t gonna work. I know I can’t talk about methods but suffice to say something went wrong that I did not realize could be an issue. Unfortunately I did not realize this until I already started trying. I’ll be fine, just in a small amount of pain for the next few days. I’ve done some pretty embarrassing things in my life but this is really up there, I can’t believe I couldn’t even managed to get this to work properly. I am feeling a strange mix of insane amusement (I was literally cracking up) and a […]
I decided last night to sleep on it and I’ve decided, I think today is the day. Thank you all for just being here; it was nice to be able to talk about my feelings somewhere.
I’m afraid but I know what I have to do. I’m only 15 and I know I am missing important things in my potential future but I can’t care anymore. I am most sorry about the scene this will cause and the people I’ll be hurting, but I just don’t want to live anymore and they’ve got to realize it’s for the best.
I hope all of you feel better, you […]
And then maybe they would realize how bad my mental state has become and maybe they could help.
Unfortunately, due to my shitty personality (filled with ego and thinking I know what’s best) outside help hasn’t really helped me in the past.
It won’t matter if I end it all, it’s the best solution because that’s what I think :p
This song helped me when I was down, it helps you realize that you have people that care about you, even if they are far away or gone themselves. Stay safe everyone
-BloodShallShed
My tear soaked pillow mourns the absence of drought
The piles of tissues in the corner regret their existence
My heart begs to beat again and feel the warm embrace
The confusion sets in with unbearable force
If only I were perfect would you like me? Would you come back?
Would you realize that your words sting like sandpaper?
Or when I cry it feels like acid
If only you understood what really happened
If you could only listen
Hear my frail cries
If I were different
Would you notice?
Or would it matter to you if I wasn’t there at all.
I […]
I hope you find it in your heart to watch this video and realize how much you really are cared for and how much we need you here.
The End? Sure, you’re in control of that. It’s your life after all, right? But stick around long enough to see you pull through this day… week… month and years. Before you know it, you will have succeeded.
Let life do its job. You? Be the difference in someone’s life… especially in yours.
Hi. I Care. I’m HERE4UOK
I always find it incredible, how, if we are ever able to get through extremely difficult times, we are never get affected by the same situations in the same way again. We become more resilient–like a weed or a drug-resistant strain of bacteria or a powerful virus.
We emerge from the dark tunnel and the world opens up. Once we accept our new worldview, we can’t ever go back. The same thoughts have a different nuance. We can’t be who we once were–ever.
Maybe that’s why “wise” people warn us of going down certain precarious paths. We can either stay innocent and not realize the world, or […]